Real love, love from you, is a love I’ve never felt
The kind of love that overwhelms, but love that never melts
Feelings that once upon a time made me scared right to the soul
But with you I feel the warmth even with those words untold
I never believed something so wonderful could all be meant for me
but when i look into your eyes i see it there-sincerity
the words you say, the things you see in me are all for real
i used to be so dead inside, i didn't care; you've made me feel
you've given me patience, a reason to believe
in all the things so marvelous I'd norm'lly not concieve
All the virtues, all the truth that pass between your lips
Come to me, live in my veins, after every time we kiss
Author notes
Yes, it's finished here. 
Written October 20th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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It's a rap, you could say. It was inspired by Lauryn Hill's version of Bob Marley's "Turn Your Lights Down Low"; my first attempt at writing something other than country-folk-rock.
I'm really glad to see posts and whatnot from you again. For some reason I couldn't find you either! Don't ask why, I've been in a cloud for a while. New love, you know
Great hearing from you!
Clara
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very nice Clara.. is this a song?
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Wow, i love this. Such a great poem, I know that's what i'm looking for: sincerity in someone's eyes when they say the word 'love'. I love the realness of this, the good feeling that comes from an honest to God love. Sentimentally perfect
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wow lovely and so amazing i always love the love poems and this one is so sweet thanks for the read and keep on writing......you've given me patience, a reason to believe
in all the things so marvelous I'd norm'lly not concieve
All the virtues, all the truth that pass between your lips
Come to me, live in my veins, after every time we kiss -
Love.... and all that stuff. My usual comment about such matters is long and overly drawn out. I'll just say it's sweet and move on.
I saw no grammar or spelling errors... good job on that
However, this doesn't have a particular flow that i can pick out of it. It just goes, which isn't always a bad thing, it's just not particularly easy to read from it. Not bad, definitely not bad because it's heartfelt. But as with almost all poetry, it could be better...
Only thing i think that needs to be worked on is the flow
Edited on Dec 05, 10:29 because ''. -
Clara... or shall I say Jambaqua... lol... this is BEAUTIFUL! I'm sure that he will love ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that you write for him. You are so talented and full of knowledge and wisdom - you have everything needed to write the perfect poem! Great job and keep up the good work! and should it be "Tangible"? not tagible? jw... love you!
~Lezli -
Aww, that's so sweet. Like what's said above, just spill your heart out to him. What you have is a great start, just keep up with everything you like about him, and even those not-so-great qualities everybody has. I have someone who makes me feel like that, I just wish he knew...
Well, it's a great start, and good luck with the rest!
-Moose: OUT -
LOL see what I mean. I have mistakes in word above. But I have left them to show you. At this point I would usually go back and fix them. LOL I type tooooooo fast!
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You know the best way to write anything is from the heart.
Don't worry about rhyme and meter. Just look dowdn at your keyboard and type everything you feel for him.
THEN ONLY look up and correct spellings and place it into poetic form. That the way writers like myself do it. We have to churn out pages a day and there is no time to fiddle. We put all the ideas down THEN fix it into a structure.
I write 14 pages at a time without looking at the page.!!
Thats the most important thing.
Just type your heart out. THEN fix it after.
I hope this helps.
Points.
What does he do thats special for you
How does he make you feel arouhnd his friends
Does he put you on a pedestal
Does your Mum like him
Does your heart melt when he walks in the room
Do you like the way he dresses
does he have little habits you love eg. Biting hislip or pushing back his hair with his hand.
Think about all that and write it down.
I look forward to reading it. Please will you contact e when it's done.
HUGS and good luck
Jan
Edited on Oct 30, 1:29 p.m. because ''.
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