A big sisters duty

I had to go away with my aunty
I had to leave gran
A part of me knew it was coming
But there was nothing I could say
I couldnt say goodbye
Or see you next week
Before i knew it i was in the back seat
i knew she was going to go
something in my head told me so
But i couldnt fall apart not now i had to stay strong
for kitchs sake i had to act like nothin was wrong
going to sleep with kitch at my side
Silently crying praying grans still alive
Up early next day so much to do
message 'your mum needs to speak to you'
Pick up the phone my heart filled with dread
hearing mums voice 'darling grans dead'
just wanting to let go and give up
but i couldnt i had to stay tough
i couldnt kick or scream or shout
my mind filled with shock, disbelief and doubt
Josh comes down stairs and i feel its my duty
Frog in my throut my words so flooky
Watching him cruple up into a ball
Wish i could end it all
Holding him as a big sister had to do
But wanting to shrivel up and cry too
then the funeral is so black and so sad
Missing her so and wanting her to hold my hand
But as the only sister i had to do my best
I tried to stay strong and be a rock for the rest
the hardest thing was watching the coffin dissepear
wishing so much that my gran was standing near.