like a butterfly
I seek a change in my appearance
metamorphosis
Author notes
Written October 20th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Sorry, I have to remove this work from the contest.
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A meaningful message conveyed in this write. We all wish to transform like a butterfly and feel the beauty..very nice. Good luck in the contest~
Edited on Oct 29, 5:48 p.m. because '....'. -
I love this...pretty and so much said in few words....g/l...Lynda
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Beautiful!
I like this haiku as it stands! I don't know about technicalities in detail, but sometimes I say if it works...it works! This one works beautifully I think! IF you wanted to change like...you could always use As, in L2 you could just drop the words... "a" and "my" to make it 7 syllables. I am only making (hopefully) helpful suggestions, but I wouldn't change it if you didn't want to, as I said it is wonderful either way.
We make many metamorphic changes in our lives, hopefully we come out better each change. I wish you the best in this contest! Karen 
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Now for some constructive criticism...when I took my haiku class and did my research on this form of poetry, I learnt that "Like" is a word that's best avoided in haiku and/or senryu. Other than that, I do like the message implied here, i.e., that of transformation, and I do love the imagery of butterflies! I hope you can tweak this a bit in L1.
Charishma -
okay
Edited on Oct 21, 10:13 because 'messed up'. -
Thank you for joining the contest.
I should note that the second line contains 9 syllables instead of 7 required.
A butterfly undergoes many changes before it becomes the proper butterfly. But are there further changes for more beautiful state?
Best wishes, K.-A.
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