The Tale of the Horsedudes (A Creative Car-Crash)

The summer sun roasted
It fell at my feet
Then it rolled down the hill
And got crushed in the street.

The earth stopped her orbit
When God became vexed --
He used angry words
And He said I was next.

So expecting the endtimes,
I huddled in bed
I pulled all the blankets
Straight over my head.

I cracked out the Bible
Forgotten and dusty --
I read from old pages
All yellowed and musty.

I studied quite hard
As the hour grew late,
To pass the Lord's test
And enter His gate.

Then later that morning
The Four Horsemen came,
They sat at the couch
And stayed for the game.

I offered them chips
Then they asked for dip --
I offered them Pepsi
And they took a sip.

They weren't so bad --
They were actually quite funny,
But then they killed Jerry
('Cause he owed them money).

I called the policemen
They came to the door,
The Horsemen went running
They wanted no more.

They were chased down the street
Past alleys and shops,
Then tackled and tasered,
And showcased on "Cops".

It seemed kinda funny
Stupid and weird --
It also seemed odd that
These Horsedudes were feared.

And then I was famous,
For what, I'm not sure,
But I earned lots of money
And gained some allure.

I got a great book deal
I made Oprah sad,
I kicked Tony Danza
The whole world was glad.
(And I hit Ashlee Simpson --
I was paid by her dad).

Things all seemed great
And life was just peachy --
(I liked M*A*S*H much better
when it wasn't as preachy).

But fortune and fame
Isn't all that it seems
(Actually, it is,
If only in dreams).

So back down I go,
Straight back down the ladder --
Back to my hometown
That seemed no less sadder.

Nothing had changed
And no one bowed down --
No one remembered
The girl who saved town!

This bid me no bother
And no tears were shed,
I just went back to school
(And got pregnant instead).