Hey-you big fat
neighbours cat
excuse me- beg your pardon
I must confess,
I feel distress
when you’re visiting my garden
I do not mind your short cuts
Or your basking on the wall
Though when I see
you up a tree
I oft times wish you’d fall
You visit without asking
as if it was your own.
I keep a nice establishment
you’re lowering the tone
You have a garden of your own
with a panoramic view
it has a space
the perfect place
To build a kitty loo
But no, each morning
early doors
you step into my yard
I see your deeds
the scattered seeds
complete with calling card
But just you wait
I’ll seal your fate
I have a plan for you
and you can bet
I’ll get you yet
while visiting your loo
For I did acquire
some copper wire
connected to the mains
Next time you crawl
upon my wall
I’ll fry your F-----g brains
Author notes
My apologies to any cat lovers, no Cats were hurt while constructing this poem ( Hee Hee)
Written October 18th, 2005
A contest entry
- CATS CATS CATS!!! by lucy sky-diamond.
525 points, ended January 30, 2007, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want poems about cats! by Meroza.
450 points, ended May 18, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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I hate you for writing this poem, and I hate what your telling in it but the perfect rhyme is too darn good to hate. Hope you enjoy your HM
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Thank you for the HM much appreciated.Hey i knew you would get a lot of sloppy poems about cats. Just thought I'd throw one in with a little different slant to it.
No cats were harmed when writing this piece -
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Haha, yeah. A very nice twist indeed. I still hate you tho...
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lol very funny and I know the feeling of unwelcome visitors but at the end of the day they are just doing what comes naturally to them. Electric fencing might work but a water spray works every bit as well, or a large dog bu then they bring their own problems lol.
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Thank you for taking time to read and comment i appreciate it.
This is a little tongue in cheek write and though i am no lover of cats would in no way harm them
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funny with great rhyming schemes - everything about this poem is likeable except the cat
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ha ha ha i too love cats so very much and yet wrote a poem about eating one ha ha thank you for sharing this very funny write and congratulations on a well deserved trophy
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Excellent rhyming and fun!
Very funny. I love that last verse, now why didn't I think of that solution!! It's so true of cats though, always pooping in someone else's garden. -
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Thank you potanical for taking time to read and comment.I used to breed canaries so you can guess the problems those darn critters caused me. So pleased that you found this one enjoyable thank you
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lol i really love this poem, the flow is great, and so are the ideas. i like the way you have put in real life situations aka cats using your garden as a loo, not their own. thank you very much for your entry, and good luck
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Thank you LSD for the contest and the comments.I was looking to enter a new piece as that is what I normally do But this one seemed to fit so well that I had to post it. I am still looking at doing a new piece So who knows I may get to like cats next time round
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Thank you Anastazia so pleased that you found this little bit of my weird humour to your liking.I guess the cats will think twice about popping in to see me in future Thank you for your time in reading this and commenting I appreciate it
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Gosh. I absolutely loved this. The rhyming is so smooth and flowing, and the poem comes to a rather graceful (albeit a little obscene) close. I can sense your chagrin at the fat cat.
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Thank you Fairmaiden now don't go telling me your not a cat lover,better beware or you''l have the league for cruelty to cat on to you ,Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment
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ROFL!!! This had me cracking up. It is so true, often I think along these same lines. Great Write Legend.
Edited on Oct 21, 4:36 because ''. -
Hi my friend I do not blame you for leaving the big boys alone I guess if we had some of them over here there may be less of the little fellows who pop in for a visit Thank you so much Jim for your comments as ever you know how much they are appreciated
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Only loose cats around here are bobcats and cougers. I really don't want to mess with either. Great write Legend.
Jim -
Thank you John wow are you tring to get the league for crulty to cats on our tails,You know how nasty the catlovers socitity can be when the little darling are under threat ( Psss send details of working model) Have to admit to being a dog man myself, and a bird breeder so you can guess that i have trouble with cats. Thank you for your comments take care my friend. and keep an eye out for A Cat on A Hot Tin Roof
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thank you Cute so Pleased that you found it enjoyable and was not put off by the subject
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Thank you Debbie So pleased that a cat lover took this all in good heart,that was how it was written.Thank you for reading and commenting
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LOLROF LMFAO!!!!!! This was brilliant! Personally, I cannot stand cats. I’ll take a dog any day. As I read this, I had to stop occasionally to laugh out loud. But I have to say, when I got to the ending, I almost fell out of my chair!! Hey, if you need some plans on how to design something to do that, let me know. My pops is an electrical / mechanical engineer and I am sure he’d be happy to come up with something for you.
~ John
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i like this. good job!
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I do love cats....but I did find this funny!!...
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Thank you Touchof1der sorry about the slight shock the ending gave you, it was meant for the cat ( Hee Hee joking)I see you have it right about the cat owning you, no on owns a cat, far to independent for me.Nice to hear that their are folk like you who take these poorly treated creature into their homes and give them the life they deserve Thank you once more for your comments
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Thank yo Swan so pleased that as a cat lover you could see the funny side of this.You cat is safe as houses if it cares to visit my garden, ( just tell it to wear rubber soled boot to be on the safe side Hee Hee) seriously thank you so much for taking time to read and comment
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Thank you James,I do know what you mean about cats and their habits,they can be annoying.But i would never go out of my way to harm one.Maybe the old shoe chucked to keep them quiet at night.( with a foot inside it Hee Hee) now I'll be in trouble with our cat loving friends thank you for your comments
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Thank you Merrigan, seems like you have much the same sense of humour as myself, always nice to find someone else who can see the fun in things Thank you for commenting
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Thank you Lady you will be pleased to know the cat is OK its hair is a little curlier but other wise its fine ( thats a Joke)No way would i injure any animal.Thank you for reading and commenting I do appreciate it thank you
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Lacyte yo have it right it would only happen in my poetry ( but don't tell the cat like to keep it on its toes)So pleased that it gave you a smile to brighten a dreary day Thank you for your comments
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HI Pam (dog lover me too) as to where this stuff comes from I guess i have a weird mind that like to try and find something funny about most things,our house when we are all together is like a mad house as my daughters have inherited my strange sense of humour, so there is always something funny happening. Thank you so much for your comments ,You know have much they mean to me
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Thank you Anna I know what you mean about dog muck i am a dog lover and when i had one always took a bag with me to clear up.In the scheme of things dogs are a bigger problem than cat as they tend to do their business in soft ground and bury it where as dog muck litters the pavements for folk to step.And yes it is the owners not the pets. thank you for commenting and i am pleased that you found it a little enjoyable
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Thank you Avril as always it is a pleasure to hear from you I thank you for reading and commenting
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Oh No!!! Not the kitty!!! I love cats! I have one that owns me.
My kitty would never be so rude as to visit your garden she is strictly an indoor cat. We rescued her from the SPCA and whoever owned her prior to us had her declawed when she was just 3 months old so she has no way to defend herself. Even if she hadn't been, she would still be strictly an indoor cat. We have always had a cat and never allowed any of them to roam the outdoors free. It we take her outside, she is in her cage. This was actually very funny but the end did shock me just a wee bit. Poor kitty!!
♥ Touchof1der -
Well I got my wish, and you did make me smile, but as a cat owner I should really tut and frown, though as you say no cats were hurt during the writing of this piece, and seeing as you made me laugh I will forgive you, thanks for the giggle.
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Lmao another great write this was. I thank god I am not a cat but I do know how you feel. They destroy your garden that you work hard on you here them fighting at night (well I do anyway.)Loved this write had a great humor to it.
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Tee Hee Hee. This is good. Reminds me of a piece I once read "How to give a cat a pill" . Was just as funny. Once again a perfect poem, and a very good piece of humor Legend. Keep going
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haha great I loved this, but I dont know about killing the cat. If i were you i'd just get a big mean looking dog then maby the cat would be to scared to come over. I like cats but i dont have one so I'm glad when the neibors kitty comes over. anways this was really funny and had good rhymage great job ~Lady Eclipse
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VERY FUNNY
ROFL!! This is so very funny, it really had me laughing out loud. And of course I am sure that you would only do this in poetry... Right????
Perfect rhyme and rhythm, as usual and some lovely humour to lighten up a dreary day. Thanks so much.
Keep well. -
Bravo!
Shock of Shocks.
THAT WAS SOME MIGHTY POWERFUL WRITING MY FRIEND
What a hoot!
LOL.
MY God - just WHERE do you find this stuff?
What a brain you have indeed.
Fabulous. Simply Fabulous.
~Pam (aka) Dog Lover.
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Oh no, Legend.... I had never thought that you had it in you to get rid of the neighbour's cat so horribly. Hahaha... I know it is only a poem. I can relate to this though. A dog of our neighbours was always using our garden as his loo. So everytime we went outside we had the dog s*t on our shoes. My husband already told the neighbours that they should take a plastic bag with them and remove the s*t when their dog had done its needs. They didn't do it. So my husband collected it of a few days and put it in front of their frontdoor. That helped... we have not had any problems anymore. Great write, but please do not really do it. It's not the cat's fault (what does he know?), but its owners. Agreed? Anna.
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Teriffic Write!
This poem really made me laugh out loud and I especially loved the ending. Those darn cats, thank goodness no cats were hurt while you constructed your poem. Great job as usual. Avril
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Thank you Sandi pleased to see that it was taken as a funny not serious write, Do not want to upset my cat loving friends,( cats yes, friends
)
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Thank you Lana at least I don't have to apologize to you for the cats ending ( am sending you some copper wire for your garden.smile That should keep your dad Happy Thank you for your comments I appreciate them
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Linda what do you take me for a mad moggy murderer,no way but they do make funny poems. laughs ( that's another one placated )now on to the next Kitty lover Joking thank you for your comment
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Leander my friend No way would this happen except in a poem by yours truly, so you can relax ( hee Hee but that cat can't)Thank you for reading and commenting
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Thank you Summer,Guess that will make its hair stand on end.Thank you for commenting I appreciate it
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hahahahahaha Sophia keeps them out of here! This was tooo funny!! Excellent musings my friend! laugh
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This sounds like our neighbours cat! My parents get so angry when the cat does his business in our yard Truly funny poem, I loved the ending! Great job, very amusing. Keep on writing
♥
~Lana
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awww Legend,lol..this was different,cute but aw man,you kinda disappointed me at the end, I thought you would have made him your best friend lol,good penning my friend ,I will return to read..Linda( shaking my head lol)
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oh no I am so going to get into your garden so I can prevent the little kitty to come in it
don't want it to be fried I hope this was a sarcastic poem 
but you have written rhymes again without a glitch... truly remarkable
Leander -
Very descriptive write - very easy to imagine the scene (and the cat on the copper wire!)
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