thundering hooves pound the ground
throwing dust into the dry air
white mane and tail flowing in the breeze
graceful head held high and proud
he stops ten feet from where i stand
the wild white stallion
i can see his flaring nostrils
he tosses his beautiful head in joy
i walk out towards him, hands stretched out
he lets me get close, the tension is thick
i slide my hand over his velvety nose
his breath is hot on my skin
without warning, i jump on his broad back
he rears up and takes off at a gallop
i'm ready for it and hold on
riding my wild white stallion
i can feel his muscles rippling
with each long stride he takes
it's as if we're flying through the prairie
leaving civilization far behind
i'm in a type of heaven, a horse heaven
it's crazy to ride such a mount, yet peaceful
i enjoy every second, knowing it'll never last
the time spent on the white stallion
my hands are wrapped around his tangled mane
long powerful strides shake the ground
he responds to my slightest movement
almost reading my thoughts as we fly
suddenly, without warning, he has enough
he gives one slight buck to the right
enough to send me through thin air
and land hard on the dusty ground
i pick myself up and dust off my clothes
watch him disappear on the horizon
i'll ride him again someday, i know
my wonderful wild white stallion
Author notes
This poem was actually inspired by a similar ride... only, of course, the horse was a bit tamer 
All comments are appreciated.
Written October 17th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I like to think that the lack of capital letters adds the the poem itself. Perhaps I'm wrong I think almost all of my poems aren't capitalized. Thanks for your comment!
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beautiful! i absolutly loved it! i painted a wonderful picture in my head as i read it. it seemed as though everything came as you went along. it flows really nicely. AWESOME write! keep writing and dont stop. i cannot wait to read more of you work! keep it up.
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I rode with you all the way felt the unnerving bump to the ground as well. Wonderful ride. leahofmaria makes good suggestions for which I'll even take in consideration for my next write.
~Mary O
BTW, thanks for you comment on my story, most appreciative.
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This is a very nice poem about my favourite animal, however, the flow of your poem is very jerky. You need to make each stanza flow freely from off the tongue. Count the beats it may help you
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Though I'm not big on hoarses I can see your passion for this magnicent creature is amazingly beautiful and very deep in image
You have done a brilliant job penning this very powerful poem into the readers mind you definately have a way of delivering a
Very surreal dreamy feel to this poem which adds to the magic of your poetic heart again thank you for allowing me to comment on your work.. -
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Hey this was really pretty about another one of my favorite subjects, horse especially the white stallions. But, you’re right to have him buck you off, he should remain free!
Image and Visions … Dare to dream, and have the courage to do that what others only dream of…
Would you mind dropping by my site and commenting on my meager attempts at writing.
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It's very pretty and you created an image where I could recognize every piece. You definitely took me on an adventure with this poem.
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exceptionally well written
I think this is lovely. I really enjoyed your descriptive words and I felt like I was feeling the air on my face as I rode this beautiful horse.
etherealforu
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This is nice... you manage to conveigh the power of this magnificent horse.... and the awe that you have for him... if is amazing to read. Thank you for sharing ~Dini~
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First of all, capital letters, it's simple punctuation. However, the poem itself makes up for that. It works on two levels, the way you describe the stallion is almost the same way you could describe a lover and I really enjoyed that about the poem. Take care, Heather x
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A lovely poem, it's very vivid and it has great descriptive words. Great job Lilith!
-Audra -
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I enjoyed reading this narrative poem. It was spontaneous and seemed to have been written as it came to mind. Certainly it could do with a little editing - we all write poems we can improve on - but the gist of the story was clear, the pictures vivid and all in a very good read. Well done and thank you for sharing.
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Hi, I see you are a great horse lover, than makes two off us, nice feel in this write could feel the air in my hair, all the best, hope this write does well for you, hugs Di
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I can see that you're trying to create a vivid picture with your words. You have the right idea, but its execution is a little clumsy. A lot of your phrases are kind of traditional descriptions. These are the ones that I noticed:
thundering hooves
flowing in the breeze
graceful head
flaring nostrils
tension is thick
velvety nose
broad back
muscles rippling
it'll never last
powerful strides
there are ways of describing these things without saying "muscles" or "breeze." Think about metaphors, what are the muscles like? how the the breeze seem to act?
The last two stanzas, I think that you can use a little more description than you have to describe falling off the horse and you'll ride him again.
You've done a good job with putting in lots of imagery, don't be hesitant to revise and make it as vivid as you can!
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