It's unstoppable now
The poetry has left me
Like everyone else did
Yammering away on a jag
My soul's picked carrion
And sobriety's put my fist
Right through the temple
Of god, and giants alike
I am only a man
Stuck on this couch
Listening to myself
talk about things
I thought I drank away
a long time ago
At some shit-hole-dive
In between love
and a stinky-green-penny
for your thoughts
I used to make as
much an hour as I'm paying you
to listen to why
I can't even get a hard on anymore
without a gun in my mouth
Or a belt around my neck
No more boy
cigarettes,
or girl
I know if this doesn't kill me
Nothing will.
Author notes
Written October 16th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- you smoke? by ilovemyex.
300 points, ended May 4, 2006, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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2005 seemed helpless?
It sounds like you weren't ready to leave a prickly couch because it mght offer comfort when you can't feel your ass anymore. -
Haha, this is my dream reading list. I'm that much of a loon to hope to read them all, and even more.
www.webamused.com/foolippic/archives/001504.html
Latin American films are nice. You know, the one fine arts students all know. City of God, Amores Perros, Y Tu Mama Tambien. Stuff like that. When in doubt, you can always go to web movies. Deviantart offers lots of niches for various people. Even the sane ones like it, hah!
When your head starts pounding -and- your eyes are dry, just rest for half an hour or more. It's not your mind working too hard, it's your eyes. If your daily life is full of watching and reading, you're bound to experience this. Huh, I did. Still do. So watch out, unless you want to doom yourself to geeky glasses or annoying contacts. -
I'm a david eddings, isaac asimov, robert heinlen guy myself, but yeah I'm doing all the above, including the spaghetti westerns.
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Do you have time to read too? Or watch movies? Some oldies move me, though technically they're not very uplifting plotwise. There's always Steven Spielberg's Empire of the Sun, which maybe you'd like. Personally, I find old westerns (the one with more intellectual narrative in it than the shoot-em-all plots) quite alright, but only in the proper mood. Or if you're in documentary mood, I suppose you're downloading Supersize Me and those Michael Moore vids.
Reading is nice. If you dunno how to download (*cough* *cough* free *cough*) documents, just tell me where to send you my pseudo-instruction manual. I find worlds of contemplation in science fiction novels--there's Orson Scott Card, Dan Simmons...maybe even Douglas Adams if you don't mind quirky English stuff. You might just appreciate Anthony Burgess' Enderby books at the moments, or you might trash him, but I suggest trying him out all the same.
I dunno. Surrounding myself with stuff to think about, ponder deeply (in the sense that I have to exercise my brain hard just to keep up with this abominably intellectual writers), keeps me occupied and, oddly, relaxed and quiet. My environment here isn't exactly the quietest place in the world, nor is it the noisiest, but I guess I found a sanctuary in reading. I dunno, but I think too much of the visual is not too good. Sometimes the simplicity of the written word is better for exercising the cerebellum. In any case, well, good luck in finding your own quiet niche. -
blah blah blah!
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Well, William Burroughs and Bukowski, among others, wrote some of their best works about the pain of recovery (or in the case of Buk, the lack thereof). So this came as a surprise piece, and a very well written one. There is not so much self-pity in the words, as the acute pain of day-to-day action. The stare on the couch as the individual forces themselve via will alone to get to day 8. Nicely imagic, and ironically self-denying the second line's complaint about the dissertion of one's Muse. Very well-written Jeremi.
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hope everything is alright with you love.
this piece is raw, and open like a whip wound with salt rubbed in it.
N... -
It's not, I'm in rehab.
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intriguing write
I certainly hope this isn't autobiographical. It's definitely an intense write, and it raises more questions than it answers. Life can be very brutal and people can be very uncaring -- which does not mean that life is always brutal or that people are always uncaring. From the other things I've read by you, I cant quite get why this would be descriptive of you. You've always seemed to me to be a very strong individual, and a quite intelligent one as well. I know that people do often become despairing when life turns against them, but I've never been that way myself, so it's difficult for me to equate with this. Anyway, I hope this is just an exercise in writing from a different viewpoint.
Edited on Oct 17, 12:12 because ''. -
that's what my friend said, I've been watching a lot of documentaries that I download.
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I will, thanks.
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No harm, no foul, I've been praying myself. I don't know to what, but there's something out there that knows more than me and that's all that matters. I just have to be patient, focused and humble, I think.
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Very painful to read, it makes me feel for you and what you are going through. At the risk of irritating with this statment because I have read many of your comments back to other people in the past, and keep in mind I am not pushing my beliefs on you just please know I will pray for you to find a peace within yourself while you are going through this difficult time. You are one of the truly talented people on this site, and I appreciate your writing so much!
Anna -
You have learned so much in so little time, even if you don't realize it. This is an expression of utter honesty. Above all else, never tell the peeps what they WANT to hear unless it is what you really feel. I have been there, done that and the only promise I can make is that someday you will be so very grateful you sat right where you do now. It won't be easy. Honestly, it is the roughest thing I ever went through and I have been some --places. Well worth every second of it today.
Grab hold of a message and your ass with both hands. You have embarked on a journey that gives new meaning to --walk on the wild side. New meaning is a good thing for people like me.
Keep sharing--we are caring.
Hang on -
have faith in yourself Jeremi.....
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You could read. No matter what you do, the world is still full us lots of stuff, good and evil and blah blah blahs. But as long as there's a quiet place--maybe a library, a secluded garden, or somewhere you've never seen with your eyes but know with your soul, you ought to nourish it. Think, and read. Reflect. I'd have gone bonkers if I didn't do that, or continue to do it, even at great peril to "normal life". What's normality anyway, if you aren't comfortable with yourself? So, get comfortable, and think and read.
And have a bath now and then. It helps too. -
You are a real friend, thank you.
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Seven days... it must seem like a lifetime right now, but you're doing it, Jeremi and you'll keep right on doing it until you've DONE it.
You have so much going for you, your music, your writing, your family and just plain ol' life in general. At my age I've been through so much, and over the years I've learned that we really aren't handed anything we can't handle, so hang in there. It'll all come together soon, and even though it might remain a challenge in your life (maybe, maybe not) you'll be fine.
Take care of yourself, Jeremi. You're worth every moment of the fight, the pain....and finally the satisfaction of knowing that we make our own happiness, and life is good
big
Dee
Edited on Oct 16, 8:56 p.m. because ''. -
you know, there is a wealth of talent in your mind and soul, perhaps a little raw and festering right now, but you are on the road to reality and there is a muse waiting to lead you through......I can only imagine the pain you are feeling, male good use of it and purge yourself and your system...life is really a beautiful thing, even with all the bullshit one must endure, I have been up and down the road of reality and my journey has been quite hard at times...but in my old age I have found the most powerful high is being alive and happy with who I am///take care and be kind to yourself freda
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Wow.. Methinks there is much more to this, than I can comprehend at this time. For what it's worth, I hope, that in time, it gets easier to deal with. Athena
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almost a bit too vunerable to read here my friend. raw details and emotion. Hope you make it through this okay. if you need anything....
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thanks, rehab's killing me, I never knew how sick I was until I stopped using seven days ago. I feel like an infant right now. I don't know what to do.
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Jeremi-
Strength is not
bullshitting and manhandling the world.
Strength is quiet and reflective
It is this poem.
M
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