Her aura,darker than my souls black keep.
From afar her vile touch i imagined would make the riders of Rohan weep.
Her glance,arresting,now all i longed for was her eternal sleep.
From afar her madness i perceived and felt was deep
Unto me she came.
Her face,ugly,rotting and corpse like caused my quaking heart to bleat.
From afar her soft voice made my terror pause,thus my spirit it did cheat.
Her spell,now cast teased with a sensual heat.
From afar her shuffling footfalls became a rhythmic beat
Unto me she came.
Intimately,before me she stood,nude,clouding my senses with her bareness.
So close her wanton caress inflamed till i was seized by her madness.
In awe,i felt her draw response and gave in to the flowing awareness.
So close my surrender she took while i received her in gladness.
Unto me she came.
Intoxicated,the wild feverish abandon in me teemed.
So close together we sought outrageous passionate release.
In the throes of sexual ecstasy,a goddess,a light she seemed.
So close,we plunged into the abyss,thus,my soul she gave release.
Unto me she came,my Saviour;suicide
Author notes
We all believe were above things like committing suicide but the closer you get, the more pleasing the thought of it becomes...............
A contest entry
- &&; one thousand points and ten options by animated lies.
1000 points, ended June 1, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very good...
Rich in meatphor & painful to read. I saw a couple of small errors in typo here, but otherwise this is a small masterpiece. I would be proud to show this poem to the world...
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no your not fooling yourself you can write girl i really enjoyed this thanks for sharing
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Thank you
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This is a very good write. It flows very well. I can feel the emotion flying off the page. Keep up the good work.
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Wow so dark
This is a outstanding write, I felt chills down my spine. I had to read it twice it had me so intrigued. I can't say enough with your great talent. (LISA) I love this stance;
"Unto me she came.
Her face,ugly,rotting and corpse like caused my quaking heart to bleat.
From afar her soft voice made my terror pause,thus my spirit it did cheat.
Her spell,now cast teased with a sensual heat.
From afar her shuffling footfalls became a rhytmic beat"
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WOW!
When I saw the title I just had to read this peice 'cause I have one with the same title but it's not on this site. Anyway, I love it from start to finish. I was captivated by your choice of words and I think you have a unique talent.
Peace & Love,
Ra.
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Humbled. Arigatou
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Nice twist at the end. Lovely imagery and such rich language. Definitely a worthy read. Thanks for sharing.
Good luck.
animated ♥ -
im overwhelmed when pple say they like this but u made it all more personal and i know the piece is worth the praise cos u really read it.thanx alot
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This certainly is original. The phrasing does pull like a Tolkien "lay", not elvish, mind you- more dwarvish. This may have been enhanced by the Rohan reference, and thrown my mind into Middle Earth. Though this is interesting on many levels regardless. The phrasing seems wonderfully old fashioned, and the symbolism is dark, yet not overly cliché. I enjoyed it, and loved reading it over and over.
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im so happy you figured it out.now i know im not a complete clutz with words
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What wonderful contrast you worked into this write. The dark side and ugliness of evil appearing sensual and seductive and alluring. In the end giving in, to the dark. Almost scary. good write image and Visions
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This was a little gruesome... and yet beautiful all the same. Your wording and format are also quite unique. I do have a couple suggestions, though. You use and re-use the word 'afar' quite a bit throughout this piece. I don't know if that was your actual intentions, but I think that it would help if you chose to replace some of those with other words. (It would give it a little more impact). Other than that... I know this is kinda picky to say, but try to put spaces in after your punctuation. (Sorry if this bothers you at all) But, I found it really hard to read without the spacing.
Overall, all things aside, this was a really wonderful piece. Thanks so much for sharing, and for the comment on my poem.
Edited on Oct 17, 1:35 because '
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this is different than anything i have ever read.. interesting style
very descriptive.
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