A gentle mist before the moon,
A blue haze upon the stars,
A light, long-lost, returns again,
From pilgrimage afar.
A melody to inspire dreams,
A song to wake up sadness,
The whispered gossamer of wings,
And creatures walking friendless.
A shadowed path of darkest green,
The musk of ancient places,
A twisted trail so long unseen,
And hints of haunted faces.
A gown of leaves, and silk, and gold,
A pendant, luna-bright,
A voice like owls, crickets, toads,
A maiden in the night.
She came by subtle stairways; he
A forest path descended.
In dew-drop tear on autumn cheek,
The light of stars reflected.
Author notes
In my mind I have a whole story of what's happening in this poem. I'm not sure how well I communicated it, though, so I'll be interested to hear what you think is going on here.
Written October 15th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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A nice poem. I like the imagery and the sense of sound. A good poem.
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i like it ,. and i never comment on writing that i don't like ,.,. bravo ,. cheers ,. i enjoyed the read ,. thank you
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absolutely beautiful! I love fantasy poems, they are my favortie. Very imaginative and good job.
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I find it a bit difficult to follow what is happening, but that might be because I'm not really into fantasy. I liked it though and think that you did well with it
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This sure is original.. I like the way you write this
Just some minor suggestions:
you write in third stanza "A twisted trail so long unseen".. I would personally leave out the "so" part, because I thought that it was the first time that this person(or creature?) sees this path, so it would sound more logical without that word.
In the fourth stanza you write "A gown of leaves, and silk, and gold".. I don't know why you use ", and.., and.." it doesn't read that nicely.. mayby you'd like to consider leaving out one "and".
And in your final stanza you write:
She came by subtle stairways; he
A forest path descended.
the "; he" seems a bit weird, so you might want to move it to the next line, using a comma. like: "he, a forest.."
Great poem though! thanks for the read `Marjan
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I experienced in this poem the reuniting of long-lost friends/lovers where they are approaching each other, seemingly both impatient and afraid at the same time. Whether I am correct or not, it remains a lovely poem, good rhythm and rhyme and lovely imagery. Well done.
Keep well. -
I really liked this.
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