I admit today, yesterdays sins,
I saw myself above the rest.
I believed myself to be the best.
And oh, I came crashing down.
Above the sky, and clouds, I was.
Above the rainbow, above the sun.
The moon as well, seemed so dull.
And oh, I came crashing down.
Secrets revealed themselves to me.
Nature lay, on my right hand.
God himself, seemed so small.
And oh, I came crashing down.
I had no fears, no worries at all.
Maybe, that's where I went wrong.
My identity hidden, behind my lies.
And oh, I came crashing down.
My stairs are made of the mound of dead.
That is how I reached so high.
I was the judge, of life and death.
And oh, I came crashing down.
I was among the stars so high.
And maybe even a notch above.
A mistake I made was being too proud.
And oh, I came crashing down.
The higher you go, the better you get.
The harder, you come falling on Earth.
I made this mistake, was never scared,
And oh, I came crashing down.
Author notes
Pride
Written October 14th, 2005
A contest entry
- ~The Seven Deadly Sins~ by skyviewexpress.
350 points, ended August 26, 2006, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - seven deadly sins by xBluexEyedxGirlx.
600 points, ended August 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I enjoyed the maturity of your piece. Your poem has something here that's beyond words - a vision of what is taking place. I loved it!
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What an amazing response! Thank you so much for the lovely comments.
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Nice! I was snoozin, reading a bunch of poems, but this one really woke me up! I loved the mature sense, portrayed in your poem! It all seemed to fit together just right! The words, the idea... good job. My favorite line was...
My stairs are made of the mound of dead.
That is how I reached so high.
HEHE cant help but chuckle! I liked the form and the connection at the end of every stanza with a "And oh, I came crashing down"
Good write! Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering!
~NATASHA~ -
I loved this poem
great job
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This is quite a powerful piece
I liked it from beginning to end, the repeated line becoming more potent as the poem progressed
Congratulations on your well deserved trophy -
Yeah on the gold!
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Thank you dear. I am highly encouraged.
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lol.//i should have expected this..when i saw u enter..i purposely delay reviewing..in order to look through all the contestants fairly..but seriously..i believe i will be a poor judge if i can't say truthfuly that this is amazing..a wonderful piece..of all the faults..pride..this huge amibtious ego..comes crashing down..wow!! i love it..great job..awesome quality..and a superb piece..expected from a poet such as urself..
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Very well writen and worded! Thankl you for sharring and good luck in the contest and all that you do
Liv -
Should I just rename you Loki? Excellent write.
Best of luck in the contest.
Slainte -
This is a most exceptional piece. I really have to say that I do love your style. Not only is this a pleasure to read, but it carries depth and a tone that is easily relatable. Wonderful job here. Best of luck to you.
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Thank you, dear.
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This is an awesome poem! It is terrific you won the bronze for it in another contest! I imagine it will place again. You have real talent for content and end line ryhme. I wish you the very best!
You have covered the universal theme of this contest well.
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WONDERFUL POEM
CONGRATULATIOS on winning bronze. Your poem was amazing and deserves to be with one of the winners. Take care , Sandy
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Everyone can relate to this poem and the Sin as well. Beautifull written!!!! Give me something to thing about. Than you for enter the contest. Wish you the best. dreamer
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Ah yes, the road of pride may not be a difficult one, but the fall sure as hell isn't easy or fun. I enjoyed the repetition in the final line of each stanza. I have to admit I was a little thrown off by the first stanza, I thought that all the stanzas would have the second and third lines rhyming. It just works out that way sometimes, no biggie. Thanks for entering the contest.
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This is a good write, alittle difficult in the flow a couple of times but the content and the meaning are well described. Good Luck.
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I guess I never could understand this sin.
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That was some kinda of trip!!! I am guessing you don't want to do that again, sometimes we experiment and we like you said come crashing down. You have captured this well with your words, I too have experienced this and it is NOT fun. Very well written, you have a great talent and I am glad you didn't leave for good, you need to foster that talent and let everyone enjoy your work.
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There's nothing to say.. other than this is AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT.
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'Was never scarred', sounds like someone who is sure of outcomes and strong mind which many will look up to you for. But craShing down doesn't seem that bAd in this one! I think you landed safely by this write. Nice one!
Edited on Oct 16, 6:01 because ''. -
Kudos!!!
Udit, My AP son, I am so "proud" of this work. Oops, I better watch out, don't want to come crashing down.
You captured pride tremendously with this. Pride is the deadliest of the seven sins and it rang out loudly through your words.
I love the repeating line. It works perfectly. You really amaze me with your works, so great for a young man. Keep on penning for one and all to see. Best wishes to you in the contest with this, although it sounds like trophy time to me. You get a standing ovation along with my applause here.
Love and blessings to you always. 
Joyce
P.S. Don't forget to fix that author's comment box as your uncle mentioned.
Edited on Oct 14, 3:18 p.m. because ''. -
Cool..you particpated in the group contest!!Good luck at the contest..hope you win it..This poem is nice but it was a bit of a complicated feeling having come from you..No offense meant..maybe you must think of yourselves..Good luck again!
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Albus,great job you have done on this poem, excellent in
form and tallented words you put forth,creativeness is a plus as you have done.. Linda -
What a brilliant poem you have written here, Udit! A remarkable feature! It's an excellent depiction of the sin of pride. Just need to notify you that your Author's Comment got messed up, you may have to write it again... Jim
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ery very nice, the repetition gives your fall the loudness making it very vivid that you have fallen because of your wrongdoings. it is well set, very beautifully done Udit,
Love and light,
Lencio
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