her brittle nails quaked
as the halcyon's wings
were clipped.
and up from the skin
of her nail
grew a fledgling
in mortar attire.
and the look on its face,
full of tended disgrace,
could have set the
alley of ice caps on fire.
if the flotsam were to sink
and drown itself down to the bottom,
but rise again, here on the eve,
then someone must've came inside the fountain.
(here it was, mistaken,
like adopted identities.
those were never
the sounds of drowning)
with broken sills
and chorused fangs,
with strokes that clutch
the feint...
like penetration
echoing through dates.
i gripped the bars
and felt them melt
right through my bones.
pinned eyelids, traced
with vaulted cages,
scraped the skeleton hole
with stone.
Author notes
??????????????
walk away. walk away.
Written October 12th, 2005
A contest entry
- dear. we must eat the liver. sweet as june. we must. dear. by jaunty pill.
300 points, ended June 20, 2006, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
Was that rhymes I saw? And you did
Them so they don’t feel stressed and out
Of place. Thanks for that.
The small second stanza is nifty and
I think you were able to hit my emotions
At the moment directly on the head.
Funny how your poem reminded me
Of a mental disorder…O.k. , That’s
Not really funny , But hey , I tried.
Maybe in a way you were expressing
The loss of oneself to time. The slight
Determination it takes to stay a step
Ahead from the inevitable collapse
Of life and art. Mostly all the things
That matter to someone.
Your last stanza with the skeleton
Hole imagery reminded me that even
In death , Disgust , Depravity there is
Still a part that wants to hang on. It
Wants to continue…No matter of the
Stone grinding the scalp. Pulling the
Blood straight off an edge.
I could continue , But that would
Be stupid. I have taken your poem in ,
Like most of your poems. I just want
you to know that there is something
you have that is important to say. And
Once the reader is able to think for
Themselves , It couldn’t be more
Effective.
I felt this. Great work.
Thanks a lot for entering my contest and
Take care ,
James
-
sorry. didn't mean to. although whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger - so they say. i'm quite flattered, however, that i somehow managed to inspire.
that means a lot to me. -
You just took me somewhere I did not want to be, although I am oddly inspired now, thank you.
-
came, as in past tense of come (cum); i.e. ejaculation. i don't think "come" would work.
-
yes this i wonderful.I love your style of writing, this was beautiful!This was really well done . this was an excellent poem. I love the way you used your words carefully and well put together.nice tone and wonderful flow this is a very interesting poem, as it makes the reader think and I see more meanings behind it... Your use of imagery, style, and language is fabulous in this poem. Good job . keep penning and thanks for the read
-
Interesting
I'm a little confused. I guess I really don't understand what it means
Certainly has some interesting imagery. I think the line "then someone must've came inside the fountain" should use the word "come" Sorry, that's the only thing I understand well enough to comment upon.
-
A different take on these wordsand their entwining nature. I am sure people who like this type work would praise it beyond belief. I however I don't understand it enough to say. My failing, not yours.
~~~POO~~~ -
Wow, nice poem
-
A nicely done write.
Shadows -
hey this is pretty cool. i like the rhyme scheme in it, something i havnt quite mastered yet, my rhyming, or attempt at rhyming, always sounds so fake and forced but this flows really well.
pinned eyelids, traced
with vaulted cages,
scraped the skeleton hole
with stone.
i really loved this ending it really just ended the poem very well.
good luck and keep writing x -
Hmm this is a very interesting poem. I'm not sure I get it entirely, but thats not your fault I think, probably only my english knowledge acting up
Seems like a very nice poem though
-
A view that is different from the norm. Well crafted and very nice to read, The Shaker
-
beautifully written, i love the imagery used here, you did a wonderful job, i look forward to reading more of your work in the future. great job
your friend
emily
-
this is your poem is fantastic I l love it! great imagery'
nice tone and wonderful flow.
thanks for the read and keep penning -
ooooooh. I like this.... it's strange and mysterious and powerful and... the first part was almost a limerick. Hmm.
Nicely done.
Elizabeth
-
Some terrifying images created through these words you have penned, What it would take to set ice caps on fire is mind boggling. WOW!
-
sorry, man. sorry.
-
oh christ, this one was perfect. no flaws. not a single one. and the endign was perfect and, as usual, the strongest part.
fuck you and your talent. fuck you.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
14 old applause
