Morality worn like a banner
Waving high in holy manner.
Can't find a moment to be kind.
Can I even tell the time?
Method ethics, munch a bunch.
Spit on those who talk too much.
Walk upon a pompous shore.
Claim the proper, keeping score.
Score keeper, Pain reaper,
Dream killer, Your thriller.
Pontificate for me some more.
Show me how to grasp the core
Of pulpit insecurity.
My death sought in obscurity.
Can't be bothered feeding you
Unless you say I know the truth.
Greed is fine for us who pray.
The rest of you will have to pay.
Score keeper, Grim reaper,
Dream killer, Your thriller.
I call myself a friend of God
Then follow mental path of Mob.
Stone you till you see my way.
Tolerance not in the fray.
Give me everything I want
Or I'll frequent you with haunt.
Greed reeks of morality
If I am too blind to see.
Score keeper, Window peeper,
Dream killer, Your thriller.
Morality blown out my nose
Kept by righteous weeping rose.
I smear my greed upon your face
And wonder why you won't embrace.
Kindness is not keeping score.
Ethics spoken, empty bore.
Would I give to you my coat?
Or simply judge you in a gloat.
Score keeper, Self seeker,
Dream killer, Your thriller.
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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In all honesty, there have been times in my life that I have fit the picture as well out of that deep seeded need to win the applause of men. I speak as loudly to myself as to anyone else, lest I become what I am offended by. We all have to try to make it through this life in this darn faulty human suit
Thanks for your comments and for --getting it-- 
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Written well.
I must that I know people like this in my own church and I don't find it an attack. I rather find this one to be an honest assessment that I myself have made of some people. I suppose that is judging too but then some leave themselves wide open. I admire your integrity in writing this. -
Very perceptive of you. Quite often, while pondering the social ills of the world, I have to laugh at myself. As always, it is very easy to see the faults of others while avoiding my own short comings glaring as they may be.
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A very interesting poem that has a lovely beat to it; almost a singing quality! This is a poem that stops the reader in his or her tracks...and I like that about a poem - something that lingers, that makes you think. This poem has that "strange" quality...it is deep, very deep and philosophical, yet there is also something light about it (the "lightness" seems to shine through the anger...). The rhyming flows very well and adds to emphasize the strong emotional content of your poem. Well-done and good luck in the competition!
~ Nicolette
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Thanks for answerring my question. Lol, I have been writing poetry half my life and still don't know what half the categories actually mean.
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A beat poem is a piece like this that was written to be spoken, with an even beat to each line. It is generally on the angry side, and has been called a "howl against conformity." It often lacks imagery, but it makes a strong statement.
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After the initial read, I'll revisit each entry before the close of the contest. I'll be sure to stop and pinpoint the little things at that time. Trust me, your piece is nice enough that little things like commas will not determine how I judge this.
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Thanks so much for you comment. At the risk of sounding silly, what is a beat poem exactly? I have assmptions, but they are purely speculation on my part.
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Thanks so much for the comments. Lol those subtle little extra --o's-- in words like too sometime escape me. Thanks for pointing them out. The triteness of the weeping rose is intended as I see the tendency for humans to beat the living daylights out of others for the sake of morality as triteness in itself. I am glad you noticed it. I am a bit torn on the punctuation myself, as the poem could easily become one of those overpunctuated pieces. I almost left punctuation out entirely, but that would make it a bit harder to follow. Feel free to point out the ones you notice. I will be taking a --relook-- as well.
Thanks bunches for the feedback
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S2, L2 "too much" instead of "to much". Otherwise, I found this quite enjoyable. S8 had a shift in meter that threw me off when reading it, but it was subtle, by a syllable or two, and not nearly anything that hurts the poem as a whole. Having denounced religion at an early age, the subject matter is particularly entertaining. While my eyes normally glaze over half-way through a rhyming poem, this one was intelligent and meaningful. Some people forget that you shouldn't sacrifice metaphor for the sake of rhyme, and you have not done so here. So kudos for that. Some of the imagery, such as "weeping rose" seemed a little cliche for my taste, but again, not anything that hurts the purpose of the poem as a whole. My only real problem is with the inconsistency of the punctuation. In several instances you could use an added period or comma that seemed to be neglected. I could point them out specifically, if you like, but hope you can catch these mistakes by reading over the poem again.
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This was a fantastically well done beat poem.
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Fortunately, I am able to write angry poetry without having to live in the anger. People will be people after all. Since I have a twisted ear for head banging rock with a social statement this will eventually find a home with some music I hope. Being able to write pieces like this keeps me from going balistic in the supermarket or at the extended family function when I overhear people killing folks emotionally in the name of whatever their --sacred-- belief is. Words like this keep me thinking of what my own actions say rather than dwelling on people I can't change
Actually the box of frogs with a sore throat is a very acceptable sound in some music circles so I may consider it
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oooh, who had her angry head on
This is really good, you can almost sing it, well i would but i sound like a box of frogs with a sore throat.
well said
Barb -
Thanks for the comments. One thing I really like is to make folks ponder .
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fantastic words of such power really made me ponder for some time after, loving the second verse especially " walk upon a pompus shore" brilliant lol abigailxx
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Very wise man, that Isaac. Thanks for the comments. It is always good to know I have struck a chord. I am not sure that I gave the contest holder what they really wanted, but I am most grateful for the topic as I obviously found it quite inspiring
I am hoping that the words will eventually find a home with some nice head banging music
Edited on Oct 12, 10:57 p.m. because 'cuz i'm talking and I can't shut up'.
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I truly loved this. I think that you really put your opinion out there for all to see to take what they like and leave the rest. When I read your notes, I laughed out loud, because I have the quote on my author page from Isaac Asimov that states that view. Nicely done.
~ John
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1 - 17 of 17
7 old applause
