For Lauren.

Since everything is different now,
I want you to know,
That I don't know how much
This all meant to you
But it was almost everything to me.
I hate that your the only one
That knows everything.
And that there is no one else
Who will ever understand
The difference between green inch worms and black ones,
And your the only one who knows
Exactly what I mean when I say
To take fucking baby steps and make sure they're the right baby steps
Because baby steps are tricky
And you don't want to fuck around with them.
And you'll always know,
When global warming is, exactly, at its best.
And anytime I get stuck to a floor tripping my balls off,
Or go to a playground,
Or smoke a bowl, on any porch, late at night
Or anytime I wait until 2 in the morning to eat mushrooms
That I will think of you.

I hate that growing up,
Really does mean growing apart.
The reality of it is the worst thing I have ever experienced.
And I always wish
I could still call you
And have it all go back
to the way it was
Before your life fell apart
And mine did shortly after.
Before everything was too complicated to hang out once a week.


And as i sit here and think about it all now,
i just wish it never had to get to this,
And I hope you miss me enough for us to fix it together,
Like we were supposed to
Before it got all messed up.

I love you,
And I miss you,
And I'm sorry for anything I did.
But its not all my fault,
Because you did things too.


Written on 5-18-05