1.Name ~ Roger Archibald Louis Michael Frank Syngone-Smythe Esquire
2.Nick name ~ If you like, we can book under the name of Mr and Mrs Smith?
3.Location ~ Near Peterborough, UK
4.married , single ,divorced, widowed ~ Married, but looking for a bit on the side.
5.Kids ~ 7, all by different fathers.
6.longest relationship ~ 1 night.
7.favorite color ~ Green.
8.Favorite number ~ 18.
9.Ideal date ~ I'm a sucker for Spanish ones, but if push comes to shove I will force an Australian down.
10.Why did you decide to fill this out ~ See question 4.
11.Favorite food ~ Roast Chicken
12.Do you cook ~ Men win the bread and women bake it.
13. Like to read ~ No, I'm above literature.
14 if so fav book or poem ~ Only girls write poetry.
15.favorite music ~ Heavy Metal m/
16.Ideal woman ~ Has to have an IQ higher than her dress size.
17. how would a friend best describe you ~ A big, lazy, hairy, misogynist
18. brief description of you ~ My long, dark red, receding hair spills playfully over my bony white shoulders, before nesting against my sweat laden back. I seductively pick up a cigarette with two of my nicotine stained fingers, and flick it into my toothless mouth. I light it and let the ash linger, before dropping onto my matted chest hair and hissing as the few remaining embers are quenched by a long drool of saliva. I slowly lean to the right and let out a long, deep fart that blows the clinkers from my arse hair and fills the room with a pungent aroma. Before shoving my finger into my left nostril and dining on the finest nasal cuisine
19. Why do you think i should pick you ~ Because:
I've got the looks
I've got the charm
and I'm blessed with a penis
that's as big as my arm
20. Age ~ 19
Author notes
None of it is really applicable to me. I made most of it up, ho ho ho. Who'd have thought?
Written October 10th, 2005
A contest entry
- My oh My apple pie , by nolonger.
300 points, ended October 11, 2005, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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LOL...a penis as big as your arm
And you got a gold trophy for it too 
Guys and the size of their penises are like fish stories ...yep, it's this ---------------------> big
Yes, sadly i must resort to rereading....
galfalfa
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Whew! Aren't you a charmer? LOL Farting, nose picking, toothless, cigerette smoking, toothless.... yep, I'm in love!
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this was just the thing i needed before i go to work. thnx! nicely put together. oh and the gas will get you laid. 
hahaha
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ewwwwwwww proof that sex sells. congrads on the most amazing porn career ahead lol. coz errr it's like a baby holding an apple... i gotta say the thing i liked besides the awesome poem, men win the bread, women bake it. clever! well cheers
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I can see the attraction
The rhyme is genius by the way ... great app and I can see why ya won hon 
Tinker x -
Thank you Once again I have managed to surpass my increasingly low expectations
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Congratulations er, um Cutie Pie on your Gold Trophy
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Oh wow! You just described every male specimen I've grown up with in this little redneck town. Are you sure you aren't from a little ole town in Colorado bub? Cuz it sure seems you've been here a time or two! Congrats on the win! If Vini had told me she was looking for that, I would have surely just sent her one of these poor souls. LOL!
Hugs
Jess -
I've thought about playing a musical instrument through my rear before, but I've never actually partaken in it. I suppose it's because I'm a bit worried of hitting a bum note
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LOL...gawd! What a fine catch you are! Seeing as you are my friend i am going to give you a little tip ..ok? When dining on your nasal cuisine - always and i mean always offer your date one first. And here's another for you..yes - i'm feeling generous today..i will give you two tips. When you're alone it doesn't really matter how you fart but when you're with that special someone...insert a kazoo into your rectum..cuddle with her..look deeply into her eyes and fart a romantic love song in the tune of You're Just Too Good To Be True
Thanks for the giggles on this one dickon Loved it!
Edited on Oct 11, 12:15 because ''. -
you jerk, this was desterbing. i like it, the little poem cracked me up my god that was great some of it was gross
it's to be expected.
always
~ vini ~
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