Here's to kindergarden--
kisses with open eyes
and vomiting safety-
nets, on hammocks
creaking hard against the night.
The darkness reeks of insecurity,
of scratched knees and out-
dated memories
of forgotten rock stars.
But tonight, they've proven
the sky is infinite and
I'll forever feel like nothing.
Long before bubble gum pop
convinced us we were invincible
and I fell in love with the graffiti
embroidered into the backseat of his car,
I chanted the epitome of childhood cliche:
"He loves me,
he loves me not"
but then I murdered
all the daffodils
because they always lied--
I destroyed nature
sitting in a sandbox
in the middle of December.
Blue and yellow butterflies
chewed away the lining of my stomach,
but even the constant fluttering,
violating my vitals,
couldn't bring me down.
(At least not entirely;
full collapse is a process)
Rome fell
to a game of telephone;
I realized then
that it would never get back up.
Sometimes we inhale
exhale,
compare breathing patterns,
convincing ourselves
we're invincible.
Lying beside crumbled walls,
I doubt now we ever really were.
Author notes
a x e l g o l d
Written October 10th, 2005
A contest entry
- Whatever you want by whispernthedark.
541 points, ended April 10, 2007, 63 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Felt" poetry. ONLY by shirk.
1500 points, ended October 8, 2007, 110 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your best, most beloved write by Austere.
2300 points, ended February 10, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Aww thank you for entering.
Great write.
Good luck x -
yes- parts of this are brilliant.
Rome fell
to a game of telephone;
I realized then
that it would never get back up.
and
I destroyed nature
sitting in a sandbox
in the middle of December.
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yes.
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yes.
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Wonderful!! My absolute favorite line in this was:
"but then I murdered
all the daffodils
because they always lied--"
Every line is well written, every stanza paints a picture. I really enjoyed this. -
one of my favorite poems on the site. great job!
"but then I murdered
all the daffodils
because they always lied--" ~pure beauty
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Yes! This is exactly what I'm looking for. Your imagery is so strong in this and your metaphors only add to it. I'm in awe with this peice. Your emotions are so strong and I loved the stanzas after "childhood cliche:" That was perfect. Great job and good luck in the ocntest.
Josh
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I like this very much it was intresting so much emotion good job and good luck in the contest =]
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Interesting.
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This is amazing. Completely. I haven't read a piece as good as I find this one to be in quite a long time, it was refreshing. I could picture my own memories as they intertwined with the ones stated here. Very, very well done.
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i really like this... it is seriously one of the best poems that i have read so far.
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I love you use of imagery in this
thanx for sharing and entering the contest
..xx -
This piece comes across as somewhat sad and painful, reflecting on the past and how the present just cannot compete due to the pain that growing and realising brings.
The ideas come across very well. Good write and congrats on bronze.
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I like it and btw thanks fr entering! it's a good poem and I'm still confused on how i'm ever going to pick the winners
good luck! -
Nice.
Questioning Prince Charming's motives, are we? What, is he just trying to get into Rapunzel's pants? Er, skirt?
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Welcome to my favorites.
And the finalist list.
Dunno if you'll stay there or not, but it's looking like you will
This is a FANTASTIC POEM.
OMFG
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"He loves me,
he loves me not"
but then I murdered
all the daffodils
because they always lied--
this made me laugh as i know the feeling all too well. i would like to congratulate you on the bronze trophy you have won in this contest. viyanna rosemarie
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so cynical... i love it. thank you very much for entering the contest. whisper
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Wow. That ending sends you reeling. I want to say that I am not as jaded as that but there are definitely days where it hits and when it does it becomes the mack truck.
Thank you for sharing with me. -
The last stanza is the best.
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Great write. I really like this piece. Keep up the good work and good luck on your contest.
Love Sandra -
again very interesting, your work is very impressive, you have such a great talent for writing and vivid imagery, well done and keep on writing xxx
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now this is amazing poetry. nothing i have ever read before was this good i am speechless. wow ! i mean rele wow. i hope this poem means a lot to you because it is definately breathtakingly spectacular well done!!!! and good luck xxxx
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Great write and done with such a great feel and imagery that takes one right there. Thansk for allowing the read of your piece with such a perfect title selection. and ytour background is such a peacful color.
blessings
KT -
Wow! This poem was awsome. Wonderful metaphors. You could count me in from the title.
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you have a lot of great images, some developed more than others, and a lot of great lines in this poem. I think it may be that too much a period of time is attempted to be accomplished in this poem, but overall it's a really good piece of writing.
Loved the title, it's what drew me in to read this. only suggestion might be to lose the centering thing and line it all against the right margin. I think the the flow of the poem somehow would be better served by this. see for yourself if it does.
Jo -
awesome
yeah this is definitely really really good. i agree with the other person on the "Rome fell to a game of telephone" line...awesome. -
A bit longish, but liked reading. Nice use of metaphors and imageries.
Best wishes and good luck.
manoj -
This is an awesome write. I love the title, it pulled me right in and the poem itself kept me glued to my computer screen. The only thing is there were sometimes where there was odd writting in it and i found it made the poem difficult to read. Other than that i love it! Reach for the stars and never stop writting.
Much love,
Shanna -
This is so lovely. The entirety of it. I agree with the overall sentiment being Heres to Kindgergarten, I love the daffodils and the butterflies and the stomach lining, I love how this feels reminiscent in a way everyones felt before, recalling when something was perfect or seemed perfect. I also really dig the title. Wow.
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Wowwww... I love all the metaphors and stuff! And the innocence of children and how they thoughtttt... but it jumped a lot...
I like the part about the blue and yellow butterflies. ^.^
I likes it!!
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3 thumbs up!
I really like your use of metaphors and how childhood mingled and intertwined with the past and expressions of pain. very amazing. -
This seemed to jump from past to present a lot without any clear direction. Still, I got your main point. The best part to this was "Rome fell to a game of telephone". Loved those two lines. Take care annd God bless.
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AWESOME
aww omigosh i think this is the best freeverse ive read in like ever i lvoe all the metaphors and the imagery just ripped through me soo goin gon my favorites to read over and over again! gorgeous
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