The dawn of a new day promises beauty
As the sun streams through my open blinds.
Awakening from a tormented slumber,
Fog and darkness engulfs my world
Surrendering to its demise,
A black rose petal falls aimlessly upon my cheek.
I see you through a glaze of tears
How quickly you fade away
Into a mist of broken dreams
A wielded sword scathing the walls of my heart
A fallen dove lies painlessly still
What has become of the beauty, once instilled in my bosom
My tormented soul begs for air my lungs refuse to expel
Mend these wounded wings,
I beseech you, revive the dream
Come back to me...
With open arms
Pleading for forgiveness,
You would kneel before a thousand tyrants in a far away kingdom,
Begging for redemption you would walk with angels,
And as you lie your head upon my lap, you would weep,
And I would forgive and mend your soul with
One sweet kiss...
Through a glaze of tears
In a mist of broken dreams
How quickly
You fade away...
Author notes
Option 1
Written October 9th, 2005
A contest entry
- People With 5 Trophies or Less by wings of an angel.
300 points, ended June 25, 2006, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love's Many Faces by Silly Rabbit..
600 points, ended May 22, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This is a very good write that you had penned here, well done your rhythm flowed beautifully good luck in my contest
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I will say...I wish I could critique as you do...Thank you for your obvious insight into poetry. You have a way of pointing out inperfections with out over compensating or not being help full. I very much applaud your style... I have no rhyme or reason...I feel and I write. Thank you for reading and enjoying.
Edited on Oct 13, 1:38 because ''. -
wonderful
I agree with my fellow ativan - this poem is brillant.
Howeever, you do realise that you have not written the poems you have commented on in you authors notes...right? I don't mean to sound like a bitch...but it was our only REAL requirment - and only a handfull of people have followed this 'rule'
Anyways...thank you for entering in our contest! your poem is great!
Princess xx
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wow this is beautiful and it kept my attention very well which is extrodinary considering i'm talking on the pohne, chatting on computer, t.v. going, and music playing on speaker....
.... The flow was very nice and the imagery was to kill for. It was subtle but just to the right point and its hard to reach that medium. Very well done. I like this among other lines:
I see you through a glaze of tears
How quickly you fade away
Into a mist of broken dreams
One tip is that old english, although, I understand where you're going with it- it is not always needed or affective but in this poem it works out ok- not bad- not good.
This is a very nice line: A black rose petal falls aimlessly upon my cheek.
A black rose petal falls aimlessly upon my cheek.
Overall good job. Now what you need to do is apply your tallent to more obscure topics. Topics that are scarce and seldom writen about- unique. Just a couple suggestions... take them very lightly... I beleive there is no such thing as a perfect piecee of literature. Great job! KEep writing
these stats do not reflect judging... they only help - (1- out of 10 - ten being best)
flow-9
appeal- 8
professional-9.5
unique- 6
emotional-8
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