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Rain on Rose

Raindrops spilling onto roses,
Serenading dusk.
The scent of bloom in the soft spring rain
Provokes a lustful wind, a gust.

Author notes


Written October 9th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Naraku No Hana
    October 12, 2005
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    I can't believe it! You write such amazing poetry that it is hard to believe you are thirteen. My writes a trash even now! You work is brilliant and I love the length of this poem. It's written beautifully.

  • allcowgirl
    October 11, 2005
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    Sweet. Short and easy and says it all. I almost feel like I am looking out your window on a rainy day. I wish I had the view you have. Once again another short poem that says a mouthful. I wish I could write like that but I alwyas feel that more is better and this proves me wrong. Rock on.

  • spiritking18
    October 11, 2005
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    great

    Very brief for me though. Would've loved more detail on the feelings but this is awsome for it being a short poem. The feelings are there and it's just perfect just expand on them a little more ok. I guess that comes with a little more experience. The roses with the rain is a combination I haven't quite seen yet. Keep it up and remember to expand on those feelings. The deeper you go with your feelings and wording the better your poem is.

  • Mysticalwarrior
    October 11, 2005
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    Thank you very much...for your comment on my poem Stace. I'm not sure whether I've improved, but I suppose...
    I just love the way you've constructed this poem, it's very simple and short...but I just love the way you've combined feelings and roses together into one poem, which gives a very vivid image, and by the way, I just love the third line of this poem...

    The scent of bloom in the soft spring rain

    I'm not sure, how this seems nice, but I like the words you've used, and the way you've used them, it's in a very effective, manner and seems to fit this style very well.

    Ruby

  • Arf
    October 10, 2005
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    This poem is very good. Are you sure you're thirteen? I think you're 31 and just confused. Either way, this is a great poem! Keep on writing, and good luck with that career of yours.

1 - 5 of 5