I step out onto the road
hear screeching
presume its a Friend
messing around as usual.
turn to see a horrible monster
charging towards me
Light poring out of it eyes
Steam from its burning legs.
It draws closer, faster
can't move
can't think
Its so quick.
feel it
biting into my legs
tearing them out from underneath me
my arms dangle around.
The beast releases my legs
and continues charging
I fly into its forehead
watch it crack under me.
try to grab the thing
to stop its relentless charge
my grip slips
endless flight.
The beast is slowing down now
all to late
its gone underneath me
and out of the other side.
two red lights
of evil following it
and the ground were i stood
rushing up to meet me.
The beast has stopped now
somethings coming out of its belly
can't see much else
a dark circle swarms my vision.
I hear what sounds like screams
but i ignore them
only the red lights and this warm wet feeling
hold my attention now.
Hm-mm...
feels like I'm having a bath
A bath that's filling up with more water?
no it's thicker its, warmer,wetter,more soothing.
I allow myself to close my eyes
content in the comfort of my bath
and its warm embrace
and the red light.
can't hear no one anymore
the sounds have all but faded
the lights have gone
the bath has emptied.
my thoughts...
grow smaller...
more easier...
whats for tea tonight Mommy?
Author notes
Written October 9th, 2005. Edited July 19, 2009.
A contest entry
- The Flow by bookdragon.
300 points, ended November 8, 2005, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think??
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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EXCELLENT
Powerful. It took my breath away as I read it. Chilled me to the bone. It's amazingly vivid. Even the dreamy state one goes into with a head injury. Daoine -
Held my attention from beginning to end. I've been in car crashes, but never got really hurt (nobody did fortunately, only metal damages)but your imaginary description is very vivid.
Good luck. -
Thanks for submitting to the contest.
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thoroughly enjoyed this. the imagery was fantastic. the beast is a brilliant analogy i felt you feel it... does that make sense?
and thanx for commenting on my poem -
very powerfully written metaphor...i love it! only suggestion would be to delete the first stanza altogether, it feels weak to the remainder of your poem and really doesn't feel necessary. i think beginning your poem at the second stanza empowers it! great writing and glad I had the chance to read!
Jo -
very realistic write for not having been through this personally. your words have an eerie feel to them that's appropriate for the poem. also a fantastic ending.
very well done
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wow(and ver sad)
thats was very great aeden!!
keep it up!!!
it made me cry to..
-sarah -
OMG that last line really sent the tears!! Arrrrr! This is outstanding work pickle!! OUSTANDING i tell you!! Damn, your description of the car is incredible! Keep it up!!
One love,
Kitty xx -
NO, this isnt based on anyhting in my life. i personaly have never witnesed a car rash in person. everyday i've woken up to papers containing stories of people dying in car crashes, this morning it came to me to write a poem about it so i did.
SC xXx -
Ohmigod!! Is this based on anything that's happened in your life? It's wonderfully done, and a real call to looking both ways before crossing the street...I wished it could have ended happily, but this is the stuff real life is made of. Much love to you and yours,
Nicole
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excellent
brilliant, wonderful poem particularly the reference to feels like I'm having a bath
'A bath that's filling up with more water?
no it's thicker its, warmer,wetter,more soothing.' one thing
The beast has stopper now?? should that be stopped??
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