safe I thought it was
trapped in my body
and beating yet
it is in your eyes
I find my heart
Andrew Hide
08~10~2005
Author notes
Allpoetry school tanka class
allpoetry.com/Application/1552023
Written October 8th, 2005
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1 - 8 of 8
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short--yet very affective, a lovely write--thanks for sharing. shaz xx
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This is masterfully done Andrew. I was not expecting the ending at all. At first I was wondering if this would be about a heart attack, or any diseased organ that you take for granted and find it not working properly when you need it to. Of course this can be applied easily both ways, but with me being in the medical field, I can relate almost everything to something medical
Lovely work. I enjoyed. Perfect way to start my day.
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This was good, heart and eyes can be captured and can capture anything...almost anything in this poetic world, eh! Well, Tanka in Japanese will have a strict syllabic form, in English that number will be an upper bound. You have two long syllables in first line, a stopping sound (almost like oenomoetopea!) at the beginning of second line...which makes a good atmosphere! I liked it much...A good job!
D
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very eloquent and concise and tight. a really well-written poem. glad I had the chance to read it!
Jo -
how pretty is this short simple and eloquant well done xx Cheryl
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lovely poem
I am in awe of this lovely painted thought in words written soft as a happy tear will flow. -
damn i think we got somthing hear i loved it
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WOW!
WOW! I'm speechless!!! Love this tanka! Brilliant 10/10
Charishma
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