Shadow of doubts pierces my dreams
with the power of a thousand needles
shattering all lights of this weak vision
All these nights involved in anguish
persist on holding the sunlight at bay
prolonging these flashes of torment
My mind is punished with poisoned spikes
and I feel the venom invading all corners
with the power of a thousand needles
Screaming inside, I try to lose this darkness
free my spirit and send to a place remote
all these nights involved in anguish
Doubts and fears take off all the edges
drowning traces of love and blissful existence
and I feel the venom invading all corners
My plea for release echoes within agony
white cracked walls keep my voice away
prolonging these flashes of torment
How could I have ended in this troubled reality
as witness of carbonised hopes lying in ashes
drowning traces of love and blissful existence
The old pendulum keeps on ticking misery
of a time that won't be forgotten
All these nights involved in anguish
in this empty room and its yellow memories
consume all of what I am and all I have been
a witness of carbonized hopes lying in ashes
I need it to stop, to assuage this pain
break down the walls that keep me isolated
prolonging these flashes of torment
all I see are images of a distorted relic
Shadow of doubts pierces my dreams
consume all of what I am and all I have been
shattering all lights of this weak vision
Author notes
Hybridanelle
Form created by Erin Thomas
allpoetry.com/Column/1086828
Written October 7th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- "MEMBERS OF HUGH WYLES FAVOURITES GROUP ONLY" No. 12 by huguenauties.
750 points, ended May 30, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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this is a very powerful style in this form, compelling images, poignant phrases; and the echoes come through very well... i like this a lot, excellent work here..PK
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Doubts and awareness .. this insanity is more saner and troublesome lol .. this write evoked fear madame.. very interesting write (n diff from your usual ones!!) my fav fav lines:
"Doubts and fears take off all the edges
drowning traces of love and blissful existence
and I feel the venom invading all corners" The whole idea of being cornered, fight between fear and love, security and comfort vs doubts.. mind-tearing-apart-in-thready-stringy-webs!
Goodness.. shall i say then that the effect you planned to have on your readers is working absoultely fine??
Spooked thank you~
(I'd like to applaud more than they allow!!)
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You worked this form well, and lent the reader some outstanding metaphors and stellar imagery. This is great! I never tired my hand at this form but you make it look easy, which I am sure it is not! I wish you well in this challenge.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Thank you for taking the time to enter. We appreciate your talents. Best of luck to you
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This is such an interesting style, Mom. I recognized the villanelle style, but was not sure if it was. Great job, though the images invoked are dark and saddening. Are you all right? I love you!
Elisa, CB & YOKEGG -
Not familiar with this form but did note very clever repetition of certain lines which only served to enhance the downward spiral. Well done.
Cheers
Anne
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Ahhh...now this fits the kind of mood I've been in lately. I'm not familiar with the form, but it's interesting and something I may have to read up on. I enjoyed this journey into darkness and wish you good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
~J.
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Dear Gaze, A very thought provoking poem that makes me think that I should count my blessings and be happy with what I have.
Wonderfully written poem.
Hine.
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Thanks Hine
That isn't the way I feel or have felt at all! Actually, I rarely write poems that are even near somber. I just experiment with the 'dark' side very now and then.
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Au contraire Baudelaire, get it? Ole Baudy was known for his macabre imagery...oh never mind...I'm like a bright bulb in a dark, dark, basement.
The point was, you write far more somber poems than you admit to...maybe not as graphic as this one, but definitely melancholy. I should know, I still have some of the bruises.
But one thing is always the same, they come from a depth that understands the beauty of the disconsolate.
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Dear Mari,
A very deep poem, one I think we've all been in sometime or other. And eventually we claw our way to the top and everythings OK again.
A beaut poem.
Jen.
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Excellent!
You have taken me to a dark place filled with despair. I won't linger here..much too gloomy but skillfully done! Best of Luck in the contest!
Maureen
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I think Hugh's comment is exceptional, anything I could say would only pale in comparison, I will toss in (because I can, lol) the names of ETA Hoffman, Julio Cortazar, HP Lovecraft, Clive Barker, Bram Stoker, Monk Lewis, Mary Shelley, James Hogg, Charles Maturin, Sheridan Le Fanu and of course yours truly. Yes, that was a long way to go for a joke.
You know, those doubts and fear you express are not really horrific in the "things that go bump in the night" category, but in a far more relistic sense, as in those things that we all dread and unfortunately come to know. Doubt is a disspiriting things, it seeps into our thoughts and ruins our peace and tranquility, what is worse than having our trust and composure destroyed? It's happened to you, it's happened to me before (but not between us thank goodness) to have to wonder if someone's trust or fidelity, and worse, one's very decency still applies to us.
So that is how I see these horrors, and I think the real horrors aren't the ones envisioned by Stephen King, but those they prey within our thoughts and visit us in our dreams, and not as monsters, but as truths we try to avoid by day.
Or it could be just a fun scary poem.
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wow! this one definately stands out from the others. good luck in the contest. not that i think you will need it lol
fantastic write. i really enjoyed it!
TIl
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Right from the pit of one's stomach, this comes...full of raw reality and an unignorable angst.
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Dear Aziram,
Although your 34-line poem does not strictly conform to the rather didactic and somewhat confusing exposition by the ‘inventor’ of so-called “Hybridanelle” form, let us disregard formality and regard this piece for what it is – an essay into darkness and despair which reaches the very core of a disintegrating mind and plumbs the depths of a soul in misery.
As such it inhabits the world of Edgar Allen Poe, Francois Villon, Theodor Roethke and Walter de la Mare, to name but a few poets of the macabre and conjures up visions akin to the distortions of Salvador Dali.
A monumentally dark poem of unrelieved distress. I need a good stiff scotch!!
Good luck in the contest and I hope it appeals to the voters.
Applause, love and hugs, XXX El Padre (Hugh R.)
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Thank you! -
Oh Mari, This is just amazing! What else can I say to sum up this brillant piece of writing? You have so delicatly woven strands filled with depth and emotion and created something stunning. The diction in your lines was impressive and I think you did a wonderful job with the form chosen. Best Wishes and thanks for your support!
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Exceptionally Well Done
Woefully dark, a tortured mind with nowhere to turn. I am not personally acquainted with this form, but I can see that it is very effective. You have picked some very strong lines to use as repetition which emphasizes the tone of the poem. I like many of the lines, "A thousand needles" "pendulum keeps on ticking misery" "carbonized hopes" all very vivid. Thank you for a wonderful read. Best luck in the contest
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Hmmm...would this be an "emulation" of sorts of a combination of forms Erin Thomas here has created, called the "hybridanelle"? I've read one or two of his, and I can see the similarities between his poems and this as well. Even if this poem is not, it's obvious it keeps a form throughout, albeit a very intricate form I had trouble noticing at first. In any event, as Ima Cuke/Yem/whatever has already said, you've created a powerful, heart-breaking world out of despair; I can only hope this isn't a reflection of how things are overall for you! Thanks for entering, and good luck.
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oh, mari...
what a piece, the Imagery, so vivid and stark at the same time and it...a painful, chilling read...I know these feelings, unfortunately and yes, they are blinding, despair is blinding and yet allows in all too many visions...
Stunning, Chilling, and God, it...all too real, and so well done, you, ah, You!!!!
one amazing piece, here, and yes, despair, oh yes!
best to you in the contest...
so much amazing Imagery, I would have to quote so many lines....
and it, well, again...stunner!
Love,
mi
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Yem still hasn't commented, the lazy bum!
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Unfortunately, despair seems to be a word which leaps out at us from the list. It took me, too. Says a lot about the human condition. The needles and the yellow memories are powerful images.
It always makes me think of Sylvia Plath:
‘this troublous
Wringing of hands, this dark
Ceiling without a star’
It's hard to better that for description. -
AWESOME
Awesome i loved it.....im cold ......but yeah it awesome.....really im not just saying that.......damn it cold in here.......-sigh- i wish i could write like that.....now i sh'all applaud you if it will let me......-cries-man i really wish i could write like that i really really do....lol......no i sh'all look at all you outher stuff......really....i hope there as good as this one though......yeah so hmmmmmm thats about it.......i think.....oh yeah it i miss spelled some word its becaue im cold yeah ive allready told you I think well if i didnt know you kno......keep it up and good luck
-Kelsea
P.s I like the back ground -
Eerie, gloomy, and real. Or should I say that reality seems to be just out of grasp in this poem? Nice imagery -- the old pendulum keeps on ticking misery -- that puts the reader into the mindset here. Great work.
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I agree that the images and the strength of description in this poem is fantastic. Such vividness in the reading. Somehow the background seemed to set it off just right in my mind. Great piece. Thank-you.
Sam. x -
Moxie lady, 'in this room and its yellow memories' "white cracked walls" 'old penulum ticking misery' ... that just wows me. Despair not used, but definitely painted here.
klassy
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A very well done poem, MoxieLady. Your grasp of the language of misery and dispair and the imagery expressed here are indeed that..... so much anguish and pain in this write. Excellent
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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Been there, done that!
You have wonderful images, I especially like "The old pendulum keeps on ticking misery". This looks like a hybridanelle, the repeats turn my brain upside down.
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Ah, I didn't need to look and see what word you chose! Oh my, it's wonderfully dark, with images that strike out from the screen and bite chillingly at my nerves. My dear you created a powerful world of despair...lets leave that far beind us, ok?
Edited on Oct 07, 1:20 p.m. because ''.
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