LAST NIGHT
As you fell sleeping
You held my hand like the first time
For the fourth night in a row
From the day we faced the jewelry box
Framed in flower and vine
Was it gray or silver?
With its handles all a shine
It held the clasp, the husk of your sister
And we planted it like treasure
To be redeemed at the proper time
By the one who has no measure
I droned a prayer of blessing
Felt your tensions release
Heard your breathing slow and deepen
Shared the moments sense of peace
Then I wondered of this artist
Who paints with joy and grief
With birth and life and death and pain
And I felt my soul crease
His hands and spinning pressure
My clay vessel swelled and deepened
And I became more beautiful
With more room to serve and carry
To give and receive forgiveness
And be the artist's friend
The paper for his pen
You squeezed to see if I was there
Then I could tell where my hand ended
And where yours began
My wife, my jewel, my friend
I'll hold your hand
Untill the end
Author notes
Trees blossoms pathways
Stone garden of memories
Painful place of loss
IN loving memory of Lois Stephenson
Beloved sister
Monkey, mother, brick.
Written October 5th, 2005
A contest entry
- Forgetting Eternity by Lacer.
385 points, ended December 9, 2006, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hopelessy Romantic Guys by Ice queen 17.
300 points, ended April 5, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One of the most important things... by Dienush.
800 points, ended April 17, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Marriage and Family by Freed by Mercy.
700 points, ended April 30, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love poetry Men V.S. Women by LadyInRed55.
300 points, ended June 25, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Romance: Love, Fantasy and Passion by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended May 11, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Grieving Process by riccadeana.
375 points, ended July 11, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sisters by Corinthians13-4.
338 points, ended July 20, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Friend to Treasure by BluRosePoet8488.
1000 points, ended November 3, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 69 of 69
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Oh, my, this is absolutely magnificent... the poetry for certain, but the beauty of the relationship as well. I love the learning in these lines, not only for the characters, but for the reader as well.
I loved the way you used understatement and metaphor to bring this amazing revelation. Some of your lines were just stunning. Most impressive among them were, "this artist
Who paints with joy and grief
With birth and life and death and pain." It speaks so much as to his sovereignty as well as his care for us that goes so much deeper than circumstance. Like the parent who makes us eat our vegetables and limits candy...except on a much larger, more emotional scale.
This poem is one that could be read as encouragement to many. I was truly touched by this and hope that your family has found healing for your loss.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
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Amazingly perceptive. Eat your vegetables.
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Wow.
Don't revise...or revise very little - this is an immensely moving poem, especially hitting so close to home with the death of my uncle recently. It's an awesome poem - there are honestly no words I can conjure up to do it justice in praise for it's artistic expression of something so touching....
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A deep sense of loss is felt as I read this poem. It is a moving tribute. It has a wonderful flow and rhythm to it. I think about about the day i lost my mom 20 years ago. I was the only person with her as she took her last breath. Thanks for entering. Keep the ink flowing and good luck!
~Donna~
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How poignant!
This is so stunningly moving. I feel a deep sense of loss. This describes a relationship that goes beyond words & enters the realm of soul sense that can only come from a true bond of friendship & love. I'm a bit dumbstruck right now. I love how you depict The Creator here:
Then I wondered of this artist
Who paints with joy and grief
With birth and life and death and pain
and these lines:
And I became more beautiful
With more room to serve and carry
To give and receive forgiveness
And be the artist's friend
The paper for his pen
Yes, pain and trials fashion us as useful vessels with character to serve Him! Sorry for such a loss. Bravo for a beautiful write!
I would have Caped The Artist & His!
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A truly beautiful and fitting tribute. I have read all the other comments and feel that I can add little, but I can imagine just how touched your wife must have been as your words touched me and I don't even know you.
All the best...Sue
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What a beautiful soul ...
to pen these words of love and of deep spiritual knowing ...
You are a true blessing to me, Friend. Thank you.
Myra
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I feel there is something delicate about this loving poem, as if one precious moment in time is so fragile that it can be lost in the slightest breath of the wind, a feather to be blown away. The love that poem exudes is tender and beautiful in the manner it’s described. I can understand why the author has already received a trophy for this work.
The imagery is wonderful and again I found some of it to be portrayed so delicately, and some of my favourite lines are “From the day we faced the jewelry box / Framed in flower and vine” and “o give and receive forgiveness / And be the artist's friend / The paper for his pen / You squeezed to see if I was there / Then I could tell where my hand ended / And where yours began.” I think all this is original and holds so much emotion.
I personally think the concluding lines are the poems strength because they are so loving and tender but I have enjoyed reading the entirety of it and think many other people will too.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Stunning work
I have such goosebumples from this - and a tear or two.
Truly a loving tribute and in a very unique voice. I love this and the hope it shows for marriage and love. You have blessed my day with your words, dear one.
Wolfie
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"And I felt my soul crease
His hands and spinning pressure
My clay vessel swelled and deepened
And I became more beautiful
With more room to serve and carry
To give and receive forgiveness
And be the artist's friend
The paper for his pen"
I thought for sure I'd already commented on this one, Ben~Jammin', but I don't see it anywhere. This is one of the most beautiful, tender, accepting, wise, caring, generous things I've ever read, my Friend. You & Nora are so fortunate to have each other, Scribe. Absolutely gorgeous & moving. I'm not surprised by the golden chalice above. You earned it. Wanda
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Gasp! This is so beautifully done! Congratulations on the gold. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful poem.
Write on, poet.
Write on and on...
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I read it twice to breathe in it's meaning. This is a truly wondrous piece, so swollen with tenderness and love. Thank you for entering my contest. It was a privilege to read this piece. This poem reminds me of the tender way my husband behaved when we buried my Mom.
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I am not sure if I have ever told you, but I held my 90 year old father's ahnd as he took his last breath...I knwo hands...hand are pwoerful receptors and givers of information. A medicine woman once told me I had healign hands. Perhaps my psyche always knew that since I always patted and touched and hugged and pressed my ahnd on hurt palces since I was little. I also ahve brushed hair off the brow of others who were breathing their goodbye. I have played with my chidlren's hair so they woudl rest. Yes,hands....the use of that in this poem is very evocative and powerful to me.
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ah how sweet I love this!
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oh wow...this is amazing...wow...I love the imagery, how it rhymes, but you can't tell until you read it a second time, it seemlessly and flawlessly flows...wonderful wonderful job!!!
thank you for entering!
--molly -
Thanks for the entry. I will leave full comments as I judge. You need to add "In Loving Memory" to your author box. Best of luck to you in the contest.
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Congratulations on your wonderful win in this contest
Gaylene
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"You squeezed to see if I was there
Then I could tell where my hand ended
And where yours began"
This is an exquiste peice of work. Absoulutely beautiful.
wow.
thankyou for sharing.
rah
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for the athletics of thought!
deercatcher (like the doe eyes of your wife?),
"Last Night" was wonderfully transitional to not feel the rift of grief but have the confrontation tried to be moved by comfort.
Acquiescing to strengthening of togetherness not to be muted :
"As you fell sleeping
You held my hand like the first time"
Longer than a funeral is in the foreground, other closures are before us :
"For the fourth night in a row
From the day we faced the jewelry box"
Make the memory immaculate :
"Was it gray or silver?"
Associatively, more importantly :
"It held the clasp, the husk of your sister"
This was so vital to retell those squeezes of the hannd,
on all the priors of picking up such pieces. I remember the morning a phone call said Dad's gone and then what to do with that merriono sweater that wasn't really my husband's masculinity but was sweetly offered to embody a hand-me downs of his peacefulness that didn't try to be suave.
Thus I didn't think the trinket should necessarily redress if resurrection isn't to be tainted :
"And we planted it like treasure
To be redeemed at the proper time
By the one who has no measure"
With the prose at hand needed even :
"I droned a prayer of blessing
Felt your tensions release"
Nasally we aren't just communicating when we are abuzz with something else!
The palette's of what's foretold is different from when no conflicts will arise :
"Then I wondered of this artist
Who paints with joy and grief"
What meekness to yet be tinkered with :
"His hands and spinning pressure
My clay vessel swelled and deepened
And I became more beautiful
With more room to serve and carry"
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Bravo
Congratulations on your Gold. This is such a beautiful and special poem. I am so proud. -
Thank you so much for my Gold. It reminds us of how precious life is... Even if its value is not appreciated.
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Words do not describe my thoughts and probably never will. Your wife is lucky but you are just as lucky to have found her. This poem inspires descriptions not thought of before and I applaud this with a standing ovation.
-*~ Ally -
One of my favorites
Congratulations on your Silver! Hip Hip Hooray!!!
Edited on Jul 27, 11:13 because 'sp'. -
You may be the worst ninja ever, but you are a fine judge. Thanks for the honors.
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This is the most loving poem for another person I've ever read. This is a great poem and very romantic. I'm sure whoever it goes to loved it. I would like to congratulate you on your second place, thank you for entering my contest, and tell you to keep penning, always.
Sincerely,
---Chance--- -
I absolutely adored this poem. I love reading this sort of poem; jammed-pack with emotion and true. Lovely. Truly lovely. Thank you so much for entering this splendid write into my contest, and best of luck.
-Jade -
Great poem. it's very beautiful and your emotions show through. I like you imagery. Keep up the great writes. Take care. Good luck in the contest. ttyl Tali
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I can't comment on this or I will begin to cry. Unbelievable
This is amazing. This is who you are and the person I will always remember being there for me in my greatest hour of need. What a beautiful thing to write for me. Thank you very much. I will always treasure it. -
this has literally left me speechless...in awe in fact. what a perfect poem to give to your wife. should i be given something such as this it would be treasured forever.
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I connot think of anything adequate to say. I could say nothing, but that doesn't seem adequate either.
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Wow,
This was beautufully written,
And had such a deep feeling in it,
Best wishes to you and your wife!
Keep it up! x
~Bitten~ -
lovely
What a beautiful poem for your wife. It is gentle and loving and heart touching.
I am sure she loved this
Excellent write Keep it up
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I admit, I had a hard time following this at first, but the notes cleared it up. I've got three kids running around, so it's not always easy for me to grasp the writers intent of his/her words at first. Anyways, this is an awesome poem, and I envy your wife for having such a loving and supportive husband. Good luck in the contest. Athena
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Excellent poem
Words cannot express how much that I loved this poem, such an emotional and creative write. such a vivid picture that you painted. Excellent poem -
I am sorry for your loss!
This is a beautiful write.
I love the imagery used here.
Thanks for sharing this.
Allen0826 -
So beautiful and heartfelt.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Hug your wife for all of us.
You did a great job on this
poem. I love that you are
holding her hand, that is
such a comfort and so
loving. Good luck in the
contest.
Jeannie D Hunter
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i think it is very sweet to write your wife a poem expressing love and comfort in her time of need. It is filled with love and concern. I especially like the part about the music box.
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This is so very beautiful. It was deep and very loving. I'm sure your wife is a very lucky woman. You love her so much, it shows in this poem. This was very lovely. The last two lines took my breath away.
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Immensely touching piece of writing, I have never heard a funeral described so beautifully, the imagery of burying a loved one like a piece of treasure is so much nicer than simply committing them to the earth, I know this is a hard time for you both, and hope that your inspirational words offer your wife some comfort, (I'm sure they will) She will have been redeemed by now, and will be looking down upon you all. God's Blessings be with you at this time.
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beautiful and supportive
my brother in law ended his life almost 2 years ago it hurts to lose a loved one i share your pain god bless you and your wife in this time of grief -
Wow^.- sorry i have nothing else to say!!! But Keep up the good work there!!
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i think this would be read better, for me, if you added some puncuation. but this is a lovely piece for your wife. god bless and prayers are with you and your wife in this time of loss.
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Beautiful poem with a mixture of vivid imagery. I loved the ending.
Thanks,
Anne -
Wow, such a beautiful piece, with such thought put into the words. It has a really nice flow. It's really awesome that you were so thoughtful of your wife in her time of need and grief. She is very lucky to have such a wonderful husband. Everyone suffers loss, and it's always wonderful to have a thoughtful person to lean on. Again I loved this piece. I hope to see more of your work soon
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I had to read this a gain..And I really liked it a lot...IT really touched me in a way..GOOD JOB
Angeline -
Such a tender write. So beautiful. Written very well.
God's touch
Jeri -
Really good poem I really liked your use of words here..keep up the aweseome work
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very good
a very preciouse and personal write but very good indeed, thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work
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Touching
This is such a beautiful and touching write. Very well done. How blessed you are to possess such a talent, and how blessed your wife is to have such a wonderful husband. Your devotion to your wife is inspiring. May you both find love and laughter for many, many years. Blessings! Tammy -
A very lovely piece you have penned with great beauty and love. my sympathies for your loss. You have written this showing how deeply you love and cherish your wife, a grand gesture. She is a lucky lady to have someone that cares so deeply. Love such as this is rare these days. I wish you both a lifetime of love and blessings.
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wow this is just beautiful one of the best so far. i still have like 10 more to read but its looking good good luck. and very nice write
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this such a beautiful piece!!! you did a great job with it. i'm sorry for your loss.
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Thanks for sharing this with me, what a lovely, heartfelt write. I am sorry for your loss. God bless you!! Noble1
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This is a heartwarming and beautifully written piece....Unique and lovely! TY for entering and g/l in my contest!...Lynda
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I believe everyone has said what I wanted to say! lol...but this was beautiful and written superbly. I really enjoyed reading this and I liked understanding your viewpoint of love. Thank you for entering, this was pleasure to read.
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An enjoyable read thank you for your entry good luck in my contest Brian
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Mark Rickerby said after reading that he felt sorry for women whose husbands are not poets. It gets me out of some major trouble to write her poems. Check out Icy Hot a winter love poem.
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This is such a lovely poem. I do hope you show these to your wife when you write them. Leave me a bit breathless and sighing. Nice write and good luck in the contest.
~Lyrical
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I read xmas wish and As I lay sleeping by lyrical soul.
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You know, I think this might have been the inspiration for my poem "Grief", though I may not have known it at the time. Especially the lines -
My clay vessel swelled and deepened
And I became more beautiful
With more room to serve and carry
To give and receive forgiveness
I can't recall writing it right after reading this one, but it must have planted a seed. The similarities are too great. Thanks for the great image.
Mark -
Absolutely gorgeous
I second amateurpoetess's comments. This is just beautiful, and masterfully written. I was totally laid out by all of it, but especially this part -
Then I wondered of this artist
Who paints with joy and grief
With birth and life and death and pain
And I felt my soul crease
His hands and spinning pressure
My clay vessel swelled and deepened
And I became more beautiful
With more room to serve and carry
To give and receive forgiveness
And be the artist's friend
The paper for his pen
Condolences to you and your wife. Using this poem as a measure, it is obvious that your love for her is immense.
Peace,
Mark -
Very, Very Good
So sad and sweet. Holding your wife, in her grief, and dealing with your own. A brilliant tribute to your sister-in-law. Thank you for sharing. -
Working my way down the list, this poem is the first that I considered to combine artistry and grief.
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simply beautiful..soft and flowing
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Beautiful.
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I got skunked in the contest. Stings a bit but I know markets are not rational and life is not fair. Your comment, however, was as good as gold to me.
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Thank you. That felt really good.
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excellent,made me cry
I don't normally care for these kinds of poems,but your words reminded me of my Mom who recently passed away last December.I hope whoever is judging this contest realizes what a beautiful poem this truly is... -
Welcome to the contest! This is a beautiful poem and I am really glad you joined us. The juding isn't until Sunday. Good luck!
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