Pull me out of here
.....
it's dark
Take my scars
.....
don't leave a mark
Hug me tightly please
.....
i'm cold
I love you!!
.....
damn was that too bold
Hold me close
.....
and kiss me please
I'll fall into your arms
.....
with ease
I need some hope
.....
to set me free
please tell me babe....
..............
do you love me?........
.......
..at all?.........
I just want to know whats in your heart...
Author notes
plz comment.... plzplzplz.. it'll help me a lot
Written October 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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thanks 4 commenting...
... yeah i c ur points... .but.. if i shortened the title.. it wouldnt mean what its meant to... and if i took aay all the periods in the last stanza.. it would take away the feeling of hesitation that im trying to present... but yeh thanks 4 all your comments.. im just explaining why i do the things i do..
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It doesnt matter weather a poem ryhmes or what ryhthm it has... its what the poem means... and this poem means a lot... its a gr8 poem... u r beautiful... keep up the gr8 work
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ur beautiful ali i love u babe xxooxxoo
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First off: CAPITALIZE!
The title does seem a bit long, maybe shorten it to "I just want to know"?
the final stanza seems to have far too many periods. Especially since you are seperating your lines with periods. Maybe rid of a few? -
i like the format with the dots, but at the very end where you dropped the rhyming, the rhythm sort of unravled. some of the wording wasnt typical to poetry, but if you can make it work, i say go for it. keep writing
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This was an awesome poem. The way you express the need to be loved was good. Keep up the awesome poetry!!!
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