She swims in shards of glass
that reflect
the stunted rainbows of her ceiling.
Pebble-drops of acid rain
burn bloodless holes
on her palms facing the sky.
Author notes
I'm sorry to the people who contributed previously to the piece. I just thought it couldn't work out because I keep wanting to change some of your lines even though there were really brilliant ones. I decided to just repost it as my poem without the lines you contributed, though it is very much appreciated.
Written October 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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who's tim? Burton
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This piece had amazing imagery! It was very descriptive and moving to the reader. It also contributed to the immense power that seemed to radiate from every word of your poem. I really enjoyed this. Keep up the beautiful work.
~Laura~
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Really good piece here - loved the imagery and the use of ceiling as a metaphor. I think you did well here and the brevity of the piece contributes ot its power as well.
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woah woah woah. hahaha. and who's tim? ^___^
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like dave, neil and tim in one production.
*slurp!* -
The visuals you use... Wow. Amazing piece my dear, how much can be said in so few words.
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oh wow i like this!
to me this is a stunner...you've come up with some powerful images using so few words
i applaud the poet and the poem
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This is coming good, like the gothic feeling in such a nice minimalist poem...ceiling's stunted rainbow...(ceiling is a material object it doesn't come with a possessive "ceiling's" I believe)
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I read both versions - this is superb - the spare style is more fitting the atmosphere created -
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I love this peice! Oh, such imagery. Short, and it makes me want to read more, but it just lets you fall on the end.
♥Kuroneko.
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