Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

You Are

In a sea of little waves
You are
The big wave
The unexpected one
That knocked me off my feet
Covered over me
As I tumbled underneath
You chaffed my knees and then
Healed them with your salt
While the ocean pounded my eardrums
And said in her deafening voice
"This... is not a choice"
You are
The big wave

Author notes


Written October 2nd, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • PurpleSky
    October 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    awww this is so sweet. but you have written stuff like this before with no one in mind so tell me is there someone now huh huh I wanna know lol ......


  • becks place
    October 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    excellent!

    this is the perfect example of using metaphor. it's a beautiful write... and i'm sure many readers can relate to this feeling of being swept away (completely and totally) by love.


  • October 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Mooo Frog. Once again, hit me in my EM. Sniff Sniff-no, not me, must be my allergies....


  • lively banter
    October 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is not cliche at all, this is just pure awesomeness. I really liked your metaphore and your use of language. You did a great job. I only have one suggestion, I think it might be better to change the comma to an ellipses. I think it would be more effective, but that is just my opinion. Either way, this is really good


  • nakedlyrics
    October 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This kind of reminded me of my situation! great write i liked how you related yourself and her as waves and we are in one big ocean!

1 - 5 of 5