at times, i ache to tweak my mind,
to twist my world beyond what's real...
i've wandered halls of broken thought,
and claimed the wisdom of the world.
and roundabout, my circled thoughts,
fold back and in upon themselves,
as i, in deepest pond'ring muse,
thread truthful veins through needled views.
while seven times a hundred days,
elapse in less than half a breath,
the second hand, my blinking eye,
a stolen kiss from stalking death.
dimensions merge as bound'ries fail,
my tactile world, my limpid dreams
my fragile fingers numb with laughter,
gripping life with twisting screams.
now what is real, and what is not,
confound my soul with cloying guise,
i ponder ev'ry ghosting thought,
and ev'ry mem'ry, scrutinize...
Author notes
lack of capitalization is intentional!
A contest entry
- Doors by CarCrashHumor.
1200 points, ended June 1, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this had such a personal, stream-of-consciousness feel to it that was apparent in the first stanza and increased as the poem continued.
"while seven times a hundred days,
elapse in less than half a breath,
the second hand, my blinking eye,
a stolen kiss from stalking death.
dimensions merge as bound'ries fail,
my tactile world, my limpid dreams
my fragile fingers numb with laughter,
gripping life with twisting screams.
"
beautiful descriptions and word choice -
death kind of seeps from this poem. and tripping. interesting contrast there. where there is rhyme i like it. "truthful vein through needled views" is excellent. most of it flows very well, though for example in the next to last stanza those two middle lines run together but sound like they shouldn't. it kind of makes it clunk along. though i guess one could argue that could mirror the state being described in that particular stanza, which could be interpreted as jagged and broken, clunking along. very interesting. thanks for entering this.
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Thank you so much for your entry! Good luck
Leslie -
Excellent
Quite possibly one of the best poems Ive read for a long while. I loved everything about it, especially how it all flowed. I really like the third and forth stanzas. It can mean so much. Wonderful write. Im adding you to my favorites and will come back to reread some of our other works. -
you have a great style. your rhymes are great and your imagery is vivid and clear. nice job dude, peace
-0m. -
This poem confused me but i think not all great poetry is ment ot be understood by all
so i give you props for that.. i really liekd it for that one reason; that it didnt make sense to me but it did make sense to someone else, i think that means your out of my area of knowdlege ? i dont know any i liekd htis greta poem, i'll porbably read it later and try to comprehend it
-Pinky -
This worked for me,really like the way this poem went,I thought it was going to be something else but I am glad it is what it is,good
.
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