My sunrise
my sunset
my overall sunshine;
his smile brightens my day
and illuminates my nights.
That head of soft hair is colored as a
goldenrod haystack in the Texas heat,
although his goatee feels like one
when he rubs it against my neck,
my stomach, my thighs...
His eyes are the hue of afternoon skies,
sans the clouds.
Cerulean lakes with golden starbursts
around the blackhole iris that grows large
at the sight of me after a long days work.
Those arms scream farmer bronze,
and only I know the milky white he is
underneath it all.
His hands a bit rough,
but his touch is tender,
caring,
loving.
A genuine cowgirl inside,
rather than out,
I have dreams of kickin' my Capezios
with my Marlboro man
and riding that bull,
bucking til dawn.
Author notes
About my lovely boyfriend. I've been in a very Texas-cowgirl mood lately. And no my boyfriend doesn't smoke; I just thought of vintage Marlboro men ads, and the image stuck.
*Capezios are a vintage brand of boots
Written September 30th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Oh Mark. You'll use yours in good time. Stay the sexy Texan you are and the women will flock to you like sheep...the smart ones anyway. Too bad times aren't Shakespearean anymore; you could write some poetry at a pub to a woman and have her alllll for yourself lol.
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Mmm goatees are so sensual and manly *swoon*. Just a rub of one on my neck and I'm putty lol. I'm glad my bf kept his and knows how to use it...
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i love it!
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This is a lovely expression of your feelings about this man, but, I have to agree with Danna Hobart and BukGirl, it could use some tightening up, and though I am a fan of cliches, I am aware that they don't have a place in serious writing, but I think this is more of a personal expression of love.
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i likes this and it made me smile the love and passion you have is great i love the last stanaza it is excellant:
A genuine cowgirl inside,
rather than out,
I have dreams of kickin' my Capezios
with my Marlboro man
and riding that bull,
bucking til dawn.
just shows that we can all be what we want to be a brilliant write well done very discriptive xx Cheryl
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nice image here! great job, Little Midnight!
<3 Lindzii
Keep the ink flowin'... -
the Marlboro man is a great image Little, as well as all that you described of him in this poem. a wonderful piece of writing that I thoroughly enjoyed to read. very very good!
Jo -
danna hobart has some very good points; i hope you see her critique as helpful.
the tone of this is playful and loving; i always love the mix of sensuality and humour - very sexy and natural. you've done a very good job of conveying your affection; it's on its way to becoming a fabulous poem.
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A Perfect Score.
I absolutely love this poem. It is just beautiful! If only everyone could be so fortunate to be in a loving relationship like yours. I like your style of writing. From reading your words, I feel that I know you. Your writing is very expressive, and visual. You are a talented writer! Please continue gracing your readers with poems like this one. -
Hmmmmm, there is a lot of good stuff in here, I really would have enjoyed some deeper imagery instead of all the adjectives. Many new writers believe the use of adjectives makes their work more descriptive, but really, an adjective's job is to tell, and a poet's job is to show, so adjective's should be used very sparingly.
My sunrise
my sunset
my overall sunshine;... this is an overstatement as well as a cliche.
his smile brightens my day
and illuminates my nights... both these lines are cliche as well.
That head of soft hair is colored as a
goldenrod haystack in the Texas heat,... this is a good simile, but I thought goldenrod was a flower? By tightening it up, you could make it flow so much more smoothly, for example:
His soft hair
a golden haystack
in Texas heat,
his goatee,
rough as just cut hay
against my neck... -
not bad at all veronica. i liked your use of 'sans' i don't know a lot of people that know how to use it. that last stanza was my favorite, and the thing about the goatee.... too bad i never got to use mine
oh well.
mark -
yee-haw
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I've always wanted to travel to the great big Texas. Hopefully someday I shall be able to have that oppurtunity. This poem gives me a great idea of the states scenery, and lol tractor sexy men. This poem is really good. Keep up the work.
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a texan in the rough
that was a unique aspect of some of Texas persona,the intimate
yet colorful caracter of a texan . enjoyed this weave of
mixed feelings . -
i liked this one up until the last verse, which seemed a lil tacky to me. but that might just be a matter of taste, i guess. sounds like you really care about him ^_^ its always nice to meet people that can inspire and enlighten us. thanks for sharin, peace
-0m. -
Great work. great imagry as well as some sensuality. Great that you can afford to wear capezzios too..LOL. I just watched 18 seconds.. don't let that bull get you; but hopefully the bull can last longer nice job.
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Hey nice poem! I think this is an original piece and very touching about your loved one. Keep up the good write!!!
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Hi, very nice feel to this poem, it has the little something that makes it special, and you can feel it comes from the heart and oyu are very much in love, great poem my friend enjoyed this write very much, all the best my friend, hugs Di
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this was an interesting piece very different very unique and kind of sexy.
Image and Visions … Dare not only to dream, but do that of what others only dream of.
If you have the time I would appreciate you commenting on my work. Thanks
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SOUNDS LIKE A HOTTIE!!! hang on to him as long as you can. sounds like you will with that bull riding idea.
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hahahaha. delightful!
being a native texan myself, born and raised in dallas, I can identify with all you are writing about here. I even have a goatee myself which I've rubbed against neck and stomach and thighs (very sensual)
I really like this poem and its language and imagery. thanks for sharing it with us in the feature box tonight.
~travis
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Wonderful imagery in this write - really brings the feelings to life for the reader. Very well done and an enjoyable read.
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Super work - loved reading this, as it was so natural sounding and flowed so smoothly. That's a lot of bull you got there!
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NICE. Being a transplanted Texan, and travelling much of the state, this piece draws parallels to the scenery here. Mmmmmm. Reminds me a bit of my own lover. Great work!
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Dreams of "..going 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu"? LOL I liked this writing gives me a chuckle inside
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Thank you for your comment on my poem. I really liked this poem, the flow was good and the wording was wonderful. Good job!!
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