i would like you to know

I would like you to know…
That I remember every lie that you ever told me…
Each one; a pin, in my heart-
Causing it to swell, engorge
A painful practice of familiarity,
Which somehow
Only made more room for me to love you

I would like you to know
That you can not always see through skin
And that mine is thick, opaque
No light penetrates my shady armor
And I cannot shed enough light to shine through it
It seems as I remain muted, dim,
A shield, without significance
The shell of a breathing corps  

I would like you to know
That I still think about him…
That my memories
Take the place of consciousness
He left me with a broken heart
My organ, turned to steel
Though it continues with utility
It persists to bleed
And I cannot feel

I would like you to know
Your eyes bear false witness to actuality
That I am nothing without my dreams
To force me to face such inevitable adversities…Is to kill me
For in the face of consciousness
Nothing of mine is real
Powdered into dust
I live in dearth, with naught but a shallow heart
And far to many possessions

I would like you to know
That I never fell out of love…
You never cease to infect and poison me
I can smell you when I am dreaming
When I am in the face of a stranger
Drenched in a cologne tainted to the color of your aroma
The scent that I seem to find resistant
Not familiar enough to grasp in its absence
But I find that when the aura is there
I fall into a dreaming arrest

I would like you to know
That I think
That I feel
Although I do not always speak
Distorted thoughts gleam and glimmer from time to time
With imperceptible potency      
Curling incense
Streaking through my mentality
The color of an ash tray, with his smell
Strong enough to overcome my reality
But to dim to decipher