just this once/please?

It has been a long while
Since I have felt the edge lick my skin
And the warmth rush down
Can't I feel that cold?
Why can't I remember you?
Passing by my past would be so easy
If I weren't so weak and addicted
Coming back, even after you have gone...
Once more, just once more
I'm a good enough liar to keep my secret
And push them farther to where they will stay
I could go on living and suffering
As I always have, and yearn to
Can't I just this once?
I miss you so, my best friend
I know you can't feel the cold
And I'm glad of that
I don't know what you'd think of me now
Now that you're gone and I'm wrong
I hope you can't see me
Because I know you'd feel this pain, too
My own company in the dark regions between my sheets
There, I keep my secrets
The hollowed book, the bloodied blade
They hold legends in my mind
The stains are so beautiful, I haven't washed them
Would it be ok if I let it slip
Across my wrists, just this once?
Time has trapped me; the days move past
And trickery is afoot
Friends grow older, grow up, move on, move out
I'm still here, going nowhere
I just want to feed my beast
It looks so cute
And so playful
Yet I know what lurks behind its sweet smile
And I am still drawn to it
So just this once, could you understand
And not fault me for giving in?
Could I just not care for one night
Wake up, bear the stinging wounds
And face the next day with a grim smile?
Could you just understand
Just this once?