Her beauty is as lines laid on my soul;
These found revealed beyond the reach of time;
So, subtle, fate's perfection draws me whole
And powerless I cling to her design.
Whatever whim she wishes plans my quest;
Whatever deed she deigns fuels my desire;
Tormented without sleep; I may not rest
While love consumes all dreams in temper's fire.
Razed to my knees I raise my hands and gasp
That yearning could present and like withhold:
So fine and fleeting form, slipped from my grasp;
Yet held in mind as once was held in world.
Her beauty is as lines laid on my soul,
And bid my poem may pen no coarser goal.
-September 27, 2005
Author notes
[English Sonnet]
- I thought I should explain the meaning of this poem.
The poem is about the authors struggle to write poetry.
The second stanza talks about the speakers frustration at the difficulty of writing poetry. That whatever words issue from his poem must truly be profound and beautiful as the lines of poetry he feels in his soul.
the line "So fine and fleeting form slipped from my grasp"
talks about skill. the speakers ability to sometimes write beautiful poetry and at other times lacking the skill to write beautiful poetry.. his "FORM" is off.
Written September 27th, 2005
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Kieth: did you see something in this poem indicating it has anything to do with Egypt? Thanks for stopping by anyway
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Not sure where Ancient Egypt comes in. But a nice piece of passion, anyway. Good poetry needs no explanation, nor excuse. Best Wishes.
Just realised I clicked on the wrong link. Forget Ancient Egypt. Nice work.
Edited on Jun 03, 7:23 because ''. -
You are quite right. I read it twice again quite closely, and I have to say that now in light of expanding the meaning of form in my mind and replacing my need to associate the references to a physical person and having your intentions firmly planted there instead, that the absence of the article "a" is as you say, poetically stronger. Thank you very much for so seriously entertaining my suggestion, and for walking me through how you addressed it.
~nymph -
NightShade: sorry for 3 replies.
I just read the poem carefully, and the ommission of 'a' there is actually poetically stronger than its inclusion. (meter aside).
'form' means more than a specific shape. It also implies 'skill'. "He has good form" is not the same as "he has a good form".
This poem is about POETRY. "She" and "her beauty" is merely a metaphor for poetry.
The sentence should seem to be talking about a women, but ultimately it speaks about the authors struggle to express himself through poetry.
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nightshade: no strike that.. I just realized it changes the meaning of the following line if I do that.
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NightshadeNympph: grammatically you are correct. However adding 'a' where you suggest would change the metrical pattern.. However your comments suggests to me that changing 'and' to 'a' might accomplish the same thing.... please tell me what you think.
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When I read the title and the first line, it echoed something in my mind that I could not place, something that called forth a remembrance that I could not grasp right away, and then I realized that it whispered another line to me, one familiar and loved..."She walks in beauty like the night." Your language is engaging and enchanting, and I am truly impressed and awed at how it resonates with me. I have only one minor criticism. It seems to me that you neglect to add a small article to this line - "So fine and fleeting form slipped from my grasp." I feel that there should be an "a" before form. It's just a picky little thing, but necessary I believe. Take it or leave it, I'm into the smallest of details, but if you read it with the "a", there is a difference. Tell me what you think.
~nymph -
Davidz,
Thank you for entering this piece in my contest. I loved your beautiful decription of your muse and the effect she has on you. Your imagery is powerful. This is a very nice piece.
Doc -
this was a great poem to read. I really liked the way it reads...and of course, the picture was a nice touch. thanks for entering and good luck!
*Sari* -
Vissy: All I can say is that she is not lucky. She's worked at it.
Thank you for your compliments! -
nicely done
wow. all i can say is that is one special (and lucky) girl!
exquisite piece all around, from beginning to end. i enjoyed it very much and know you need not any luck from me in this contest.
as a photographer i must agree that the photo above is georgous and fits very well with the sonnet.
nicely done. -
i love the picture!!!!!!!!!!
its soooo pretty!
i also like the bakround
i looooove the poem too!
]you did a great job!
great write
keep it up!
much luv,
aby -
Bravo
Great imagery and i love the way this reads. You express yourself very well. Well done and keep up the good work I really like this -
Nicely done Davidz. Reminds me of some of the great writers
in this language.
Regards..........................Johnk-Las Vegas -
i never quite understood the process of building or reading a sonnet but the words used in it are very interesting and it is good... it feels like your last line of the piece is just meant to be "there" And it doesnt quite fit to me for my own selfish reasons... good write anyway
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haha...touche`
just meant the feel of the classic poets...was definitely meant as a compliment!
UB
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unbridled: having never been to the old world I am not sure what it felt like. How was it?
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i always enjoy when someone is able to capture that "old world" feel as i believe you have done here...not always an easy feat...but i very much enjoyed your words...felt taken back in time
UB
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It seems to me that you're describing a sonnet with a sonnet, which is cleaver. You language is that of a lover to a love. Well, done. I find the sonnet challenging especially that iambic pentameter. So I commend you just for writing one and complement you on one well written.
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Sound's oooooh so sweet to me,keep em coming
.
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awesome write
this was written woonderfully.. beauty and love flow through out this write well done thank you foor sharing your words with me... -
A lovely piece. Just stunnjing great job it really paints the images in ones mind. Great
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lovely in your expressionism and desires
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Beautiful, I love sonnets and this one is great Excellent write
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Hi David, like it very much,well you are well smitten by the sound of it, a lovely write with that touch of sensuality that gives it that frizzanti feel, enjoyed it very much, all the best , hugs Di
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Oh my gosh this is beautiful. And I don't say that unless I mean it. This is fantastic. It literally took my breath away. Great job!
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Good
Lovely, and I like the phraseology which matches the sonnet's elegant style. Sad too. Perfect line "her beauty is as lines laid in my soul." So evocative - simple words set in a totally unique context. That's what amazes me about English. So much is written, yet it is still possible, with the simplest words, to create fresh, vibrant images. YOu have done that here. Congratulations. -
i like the english sonnet
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