When I tried to reach you, You pushed me away
You wouldn't believe a single word I'd say
We were sometimes so close, Sometimes so far apart
I looked in your eyes and only saw your heart
It didn't make any sense, I know it didn't seem real
Despite what you think, Despite how I feel
I saw you smiling on the outside, Trying to hide your pain
I heard you screaming on the inside, You couldn't tell me or explain
You didn't offend me, I just felt confused
One minute I felt wanted, The next I felt used
Your life is your own, You owe nothing to me
You were unable to open up, Unable to see
You've been boxing yourself in, Confining your days
Wasting profound thought on your weird ways
Searching for reasons you may not find
Denying yourself peace of mind
Pushing the boundaries is your only crime
Knowing too much before your time
Pushing the limits as far as you can
Knowing there's more to mortal man
Universal knowledge, Like fire burns
Minds and lips kissed, Words and lessons learnt
Stolen stars hidden in Chrystal blue eyes
Spiritual warrior, Destiny's child
I've been cheating myself, Living on borrowed time
Denying I knew you'd never be mine
You're a free spirit destined to go far
You illuminated my life like the nights brightest star
My memories are fresh, My heart is still warm
You're my silver lined cloud, The calm in my storm
But now the dreams over and I've awoken
I opened my eyes and the spell was broken
Not knowing you touched me as deeply as you did
You put up defense's behind which you hid
I'd never of hurt you, I only wanted you near me
I wasn't the enemy but you wouldn't believe me
You captivated me, You fascinated me
You wiped the tears from my heart
Showing me new sights, Taking me up to new heights
Lighting my path in the dark
You half opened the door to your life, Then slammed it shut in my face
You were here in body, Your heart was locked in her embrace
I didn't know how badly you wanted to be with her
You where lost and alone in a cave of despair
I'm sorry I didn't understand, Why you were so sad
I'm sorry I didn't see how you felt I only wish I had
I thought I'd seen a flicker of hope in a light within your eyes
But I was seeing what I wanted to see I'm beginning to realize
I was wearing blinkers, I simply didn't see
My best friend changed, He became a stranger to me
There are too many reasons to try and even begin to explain why
Too many chances lost for me to ever justify
If you could ask me anything and were guaranteed my reply was the truth
I still don't think you'd believe in me you'd still need further proof
You deny my existence by saying you don't care
Denying any feeling that you and I could share
Why are you so scared of allowing me near
What are you afraid of what is it you fear
Can't you give me a chance, Let me prove myself to you
Or will you always judge me on other people who
Betrayed you in your past with their need for lies
Are you sure I'm like that, Can you see that in my eyes
I don't have to disguise what I know is real
Why should I hide the way you make me feel
I don't care if it's wrong I'm sorry but it's tough
I feel alive with you, I could never have enough
Enough of your company or enough of your time
I'd never give you up, If I thought you could be mine
There's nothing I wouldn't have done for you
No-where I wouldn't of gone
Are you sure it's me and not your past
That stops you from moving on
It felt strange to me as-well you know
Having all new feelings I wasn't able to show
But strange can be good, It doesn't always mean weird
No matter how different, Change shouldn't be feared
So now I'm letting go my friend, This is goodbye, I'm giving in
You told me once I'd never get out but you never let me in
I only wanted to be there for you without motive without cause
The daydream may've been mine, The living nightmare was all yours
Author notes
yeah
In a list
A contest entry
- love by soccerchick23.
300 points, ended February 10, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heart Breaking by Jeff.W.
400 points, ended March 24, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~A Simple Contest~ by forbidden-dreams.
370 points, ended September 2, 2007, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [[ Unrequited Love and a Longing for You ]] by ThatONEweirdChick.
602 points, ended September 24, 2007, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me You by TheLostGirl.
376 points, ended October 12, 2007, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - heartbreak by live in love.
500 points, ended November 8, 2007, 56 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got any good ones ? by Anu-Nataraj.
500 points, ended February 27, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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OMG this is so beautiful !
true explanantion of love !
good luck
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wow a very long effective piece. Great work .read my rules there is something you must write in your author notes
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This is a lovely entry - great rhyming
and clearly shows your feelings
very emotional - almost made me cry
very well written
However - one of the rules that the poem should not be more than 40 lines long
i shall keep this one in as it is so good, but please check in the future
well done, good luck and thanks for entering
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Oh wow this won a lot of contessts as well it should. This is the bittersweet poem I have been looking for. It was pretty long but it kept me enthralled. Thank you so much for entering. Good luck in my contest.
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Wow. This won a lot of contest and it really did deserve all the trophies that it got. Very good emotion in this and great flow so awesome write!
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very long .. but well worth the time it took to read i very much enjoyed it. somewhere in it though it said i'm wearing blinkers and i was curious as to weather or not you ment blinders instead cuz blinkers didn't really make a lot of sense to me but despite i really enjoyed the poem and would like to congadulate you on makein the finals and thank you for entering my contest
the best of luck to you
lil
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Blinkers, like what you put on a horse so it can't see it's surroundings lol.
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Thank you for your beautifully worded entry, Josephine
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Great write, good rhythmic flow to it. good luck in the contest!
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wow
i agree it was long,but it was well worth my time this was excellent. I just dont have any other words to describe this and I see why you've won gold for this. -
Excellent
It was long, but the flow and rhyme were so beautiful, you managed to keep me intwined in this sad poem all the way through.
well done. The style is pretty similar to a lot of others.
However I didnt put having a diff style as one of the rules.
So i shall keep you in.
Good luck
Zoe xxx -
well it is sorta long but it keeps my interest very well. I really like this poem and it really explains how people feel about someone. I'd quote some of my favorite lines but there are too many to place. Very good, I wish you luck in my contest.
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Intese, beautiful, and emotional piece. Awe-inspiring. Beautiful, thanks for entering.
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Wow, this was a very intense, emotion-filled poem. I can feel the pain of a lost love, and the beauty before it happened. I loved these lines of yours "Universal knowledge, Like fire burns
Minds and lips kissed, Words and lessons learnt
Stolen stars hidden in chrystal blue eyes
Spiritual warrior, Destinys child" That stanza just amazed me. It was so beautiful just like the rest of your poem. Thanks for entering and best of luck
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wow some amazing words here that feel so true!
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beautiful piece!
I loved the rhyming and the layout.
Nice use of words great work!
Thanks for entering. -
Wow! BIG APPLAUSE ON THAT SHIT!
I felt it, and I know exactly how you feel when it comes to heartache, so much emotion all in this poem.
I cant believe it. Great Job!
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clouds of sadness, regret and deception highlighted with glimpses of the sun of awareness peeking through the clouds ... a living metamorphosis in verse, which hopefully ended in a positive way for you ...
thank you for sharing your feelings and intimate experiences,
all the best,
maa
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wondeful poem. thanks for entering!
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Wow, this is wonderful. You did such an extrodinary job. Good luck in my contest...I love saying that.
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it's long, but so is the pain cause by a broken heart...
Lots of raw emotion here.
Very well done
Thanks for entering and good luck
Raker -
well that is one long poem. i enjoyed reading it through.thanks for entering my contest
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this is amazing i felt like this today It is a great poem
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Excellent work. There are a couple flaws with this piece that I found. For example the flow was off in some places and your rhyme scheme would change without warning. But I overlooked this because of the authentic, perfect, mature rhymes you used and the imagery and metaphors I saw. I agree it was a bit long but you certaainly know how to draw in the reader. My favourite part was:
My memories are fresh, My heart is still warm
You're my silver lined cloud, The calm in my storm
But now the dreams over and I've awoken
I opened my eyes and the spell was broken
But I thought it was great everywhere. Good luck!
~Kevan~ -
You have a rhyme but then it dropps in places. I enjoyed your poem and I could relate alot. It made me look at that relationship I had and I see how much mine and others are alike. I still feel alone but I know I'm not. Thanks for entering and good luck.
NoL
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I utterly love this poem.. it makes me feel as though I was part of it all and I just loved the way it was written.. continue to write so beautifully
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Awwwwwwwwwwwww
This is saddd!
Though some parts were confusing, like at some points, you stopped one stanza, but started another... where you shouldn't have, because it was like the sentence was being stopped. I suggest you don't split everything up on a rule for 4 line verses, hell, you could be like, 4,4,4,5,4,4,4,5.... you know? Just a thought for a way you could make it easier for people to understand. Anyways, great write!!! Really shows your feelings of basically heart-break! And good luck in the contest!!!
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I have to admit that I stopped reading about half way through because it seemed like a long winded poem for something that could have been said more simply. You had a good point, but it did not seem like it should have taken so many words.
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needs some tweaking, but good
The word "weird" in this line, "Wasting profound thought on your weird ways" stuck out like a sore thumb to me... I think up till that point the word usage seemed more refined (that may not be the best way to describe it). But it seemed out of place.
I noticed several typos, one of which was an accidental "your" where it should be "you're." Also lacking a LOT of periods...
"But now the dreams over and I've awoken
I opened my eyes and the spell was broken"
^Loved the beat of this couplet. "the spell was broken" is a good thought. Change "dreams" to "dream's" though.
God this poem reminds me of someone I know... it still hurts.
"No-where I wouldn't of gone" Change "of" to "have" for a more formal sound.
I liked your finish. Strong. Clever conclusions.
Do please go through this some time though. There are a lot of typos and a few mistakes that you should be able to easily catch.
I like your poem here, you just need to neaten it up in a few places and it would be great.
Personally, I am a fan of meter myself so if you tried to put this entire piece to meter and succeeded... I'd add it to my favorites list! The topic is one I can totally relate to. It would take some hard work to do that, but if you ever feel like a challenge, that is what I would do. It would give it a much stronger and greater tone.
Well... I hope you aren't offended by my critique, I just feel I should let people know my entire feel of the piece and give them any suggestions that come to mind. Just remember, I'm not a perfect person.
Keep writing. -
OMG!!!!!!!! I absolutely loved this poem. It Was So Beautiful i can totally understand how you feel. Awesome poem and keep writing because you are very talented. Best wishes to you and even if you don't want to let anyone in, there will come a day when you will find that person you've been looking for and you will open your heart to them Believe me, it happened to me just a few months ago and I now truly believe that you can find that person that will not break your heart. Great Poem. Emily
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though i am not a male, i am also one who refuses to ever again let anyone in and it is because it simply is not worth the heartache that goes with it. i think you wrote this extremely well and have made me think. i guess being the one shut out so often has made me realize that it really is the best and only way for me to be. thank you for sharing this with me and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that you and i both have entered. hope2makeit
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excelent
poetesse, you really expressed how confusing and painful love can be when it's not given back the same way. Though the poem was a little long, I still enjoyed reading it very much. After all, a novel takes 2 days to read or more. Good luck in the contest!
nevada -
sooo sad!it happened to me unce upon a time...but i managed to get over it with patience and lot of support from my friends...
good luck in the contest!thaks for entering!
Edited on May 22, 4:25 p.m. because ''. -
Yes long, but also very emtotion and heart felt... great job thank you for entering and good luck!
~~Ducki 
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TOUCHING AND HONEST I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY,THAT CAN BE A THREAT TO SOME BUT NOT ME!
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Dearest Soul
Love is never about hurting. Anyone deliberately hurting, and calling it love, is a liar. May you be led to find the divine love you deserve. But, one warning: be sure you can trust, before you share your feelings.
Kindest regards.
Myra
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great
this is so ture so very true but put the name Mark in the top well this is great keep writing
Edited on Apr 09, 2:39 because ''. -
I know this is kinda epic but please take the time to read it and give me feedback on this and any of my other work please. I'm quite new to poetry and any feedback will be greatly apprieciated. Thank you for taking the time
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it may be a tad bit too long, but the sentiment is certainly there. although composed as a "love" letter, i think you would do well breaking this into stanzas, and that may even clear up a lot of length issues for you, allowing time for the reader to take breath. since the poem has the rhyming couplets pretty much throughout, this should be fairly easy to do. and from that you may even decide that some of the stanzas aren't really necessary at all.
If you do agree, please let me know and I'd love to re-read this again!
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