The motion of a million years.
“there is no one answer to this,”
the Japanese poet said,
a hollow
verisimilitude:
the stretched chain.
Lesions. Cruel light of the white room.
contrast of chrome.
odd shape that defies form;
Motion at a measured pace.
Untidy emotion uninvolved.
the unsanitary excised
as though it never intruded:
Crisis excluded. Lesions in the body politic
unretouched
Repentance sewn shut,
pain anesthetized:
Stainless steel against the rust,
a white glare.
An optic umbrella
to mask unruly color--
--ungodly--untalk--
leavening empty mind.
Author notes
As the past curls through now, leaving a trail.
Written September 26th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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oh that's good isn't it?
there's another one though --
owl-wise it has in it
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The poem is quite difficult for me to understand...but it makes me think of the ancient practice of of removing parts of people's brains...aparently this was done with the inkhas...and I think back then they believed this practice purified the people. Maybe ten years ago parts of the brain was removed when people had extreme mental problems, with disasterous effects. Maybe this idea of a labotomy (is that the right word?) can also be symbolical...about how society repress anything that is different from the expected norms and rules. The rejection almost becomes like a surgical process...a means to purify and make people conform. BUT I MIGHT HAVE IT ALL WRONG. Although I definitely think the white room refers to an asylum.
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Wow, what a stark combination of images and wording, very strong.
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A+
Wow,this poem is so deep!!!I almost had a hard time understanding it because it is so complex,but that makes a great poem!!!It makes you think...I think I'd get it more if I was on shrooms. -
great format it was amazing great job ! it had an amazing depth to it loved it alot love stina
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good job great write . keep up the amazing work
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Excellent
Another excellent poem. Some well-chosen words formed some wonderful lines, all tossed together to create a truly unique form for a truly unique poem. A thought-provoking write.
Mended -
great job
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excellent
i love the abandonment of all typical standards of poetry. you made poetry exactly what it should be- a pure expression of the artist. excellent job avoiding cliches and making this read enjoyable. -
Excellent poem. A little bit disturbing but that is why I like it. Me and you should run around together playing tug-o-war with a knife. He he he. Keep writing fellow freak!
Katie
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very good
an intersting an dthought provoking write my friend thanky ou for sharing this with us and keep up the good work
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time will always cleanse.. for good and for very very bad.. brilliant x
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I didn't get this one at all. Sorry! - oce
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it wasn't just that line ...
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of course.. there is much more to it than that but I blather..and fail to pass forward all thoughts.. how easy it is to cleanse things indeed... to the brandish of unattatched logic.. there is not, or there is...and where there.... the gray?
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ah I'm no expert on poetry ....but I know what leaves imprints on my ears.. and that of course is all that matters to me...
it would seem this speaks of a chain that stretches backwards into obscurity, oh how we'd like to see something more of it than our link here... yes?
I suppose the dinosaurs had they the capacity ...would have felt much the same.. and perhaps rightly considering their fate..
beautiful...
~~Lisa/whims -
The quality of appearing to be true or real: "the stretched chain" isn't that the truth. Something that is only held up and not the real facade will in time crack and peel.
Cool white rooms and cold chrome make me think of a hospital ward and even the name of the poem has that feel to it.
This is really complex, but the sounds are fantastic, which makes the reader need to read it again. It is a catchy piece Lute, punchy and full of interest and clues.
But I digress, this I will read again...
Edited on Sep 30, 1:26 because ''. -
Hey Joizey ...
Have you read the rest in this series? I'm still working on interpretation but I think this piece fits as part of the whole better when in the context of the collection .
but what the hell do i really know except i've enjoyed reading all the rest of them ...
Edited on Sep 29, 10:04 p.m. because ''. -
Unretouched? Wouldn't that just be untouched. I I know what you're trying...to look at things visially, experimentally, and not worrying about literal translations.
Not sure you've used the word "leavening" in a grammatically correct fashion but, as I said, the poems more about visual aspects of things neutral, sterile, unaffected, uneventful. Or so I'm guessing
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good enough to write on my wall
Gorgeous... I personally love the jagged line breaks; I want to take this and write it on my wall in Sharpie. Thanks. -
awesome!
wow... this is incredibly thought provoking.... i feel so not smart, but after reading this a couple of times, i finally sorta kinda understand it. lol. you have a way with words... keep up the amazing work! -
I liked this, very creative, good imagery, use of words, and the for drew me in as well as the unique content! Thanks for sharing, pen on poet!
-Timothy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` -
I liked the poem, some...i think the jagged line breaks were distracting myself. in reading it again--(and again) the same holds true for me. It somehow feels that the abstract sense of this poem was only meant to be that, abstract. i just don't sense the feel of this. sorry i couldn't be more positive...but I know I've read you before...and I believe the other write was far better.
anyway, take good care.
Jo -
awesome write
wow this was awesome may i ad you to my fav's.. i loved this poem . thanks for sharing your words with me. -
I like things when they say 'body politic' it just rolls off the tongue like aniseed balls. Crisis, excluded and lesions iin same line make me into like ecstacy. Actually it really did mean sterility-I forget to look at title and think, this is like some waiting room for something that never come. I love all the words. They are good words. Verisimilitude. That is like a fish tank in the waiting room.
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I waited.
I thought that big V word meant truth or something like the truth? is the truth hollow? is it sterile? mmmm. mmmm. mmmmm.
This does something for me .. I can't really describe it. But I very much like it. Very much. Kinda bugs me I can't describe what the feeling is, yet.
that last line .. enliven or causing to rise .. an empty mind .. does that take away the sterility? mmm .mmmm.mmm.
Excellent. One that will nag me ....
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verisimilitude is by definition 'hollow' so aren't you saying it twice?
i'm not certain if chains can actually 'stretch' . . . or else they would not be 'chain-like' yes? no?
I couldn't agree with you more that emotions are usually untidy.
However, I do like the 'motion of a million years' backed up by 'motion at a measured pace'
'repentance sewn shut' is really good as well as 'optic umbrella' . . .
but I ask myself, does the piece hold together? Despite its faults, I think so.
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Touching
Yes -- cancerous the sight being impaired -- to say the least. Yet: So accutely accurate the insight. And: vulnerable the fragile mortal. Clinical and sterile the procedure.
Utter loneliness -- godforsakenly so. And God cares.
Myra -
verisimilitude. nnuh. motion and lesions.
i like the way it all floated and spun, but it needed three readings at least. my simplified headache of a brain can't quite get round it yet. -
good but too abstract
dude stop the LSD. The words and imagery are great but the complete abstractness of the poem prevents anyone from being able to feel the poem. At least thats my take
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