A wind blows from the north and I cry,
Things were better when you were by my side,
I'm all alone now, and wishing for something better,
I wish so I didn't fail so often,
I'm riding the ebbs and flows,
My heart is low,
I fight for you my love.
I don't know If I will live,
I doubt I will survive,
Blood is flowing now,
My life slowly fades as I die,
My sword is drawn,
My hope is waining,
Stabbing and cutting,
Life is fading,
This is my last chance to thank you,
I'm so sorry that after all you've done,
I couldn't save you.
You said you'd always be there,
So for so long I felt no fear,
We used to be so much stronger,
Now nothings left,
Why did you have to leave,
Now I die.
All alone,
I cry again,
Tears mingle with blood,
It's raining again,
A clap of thunder,
A thrust of my blade,
The killing can't end now,
Are there any lives that still deserve to be saved.
It's a lovely sentiment,
Goodbye forever,
Memory's fade,
But never leave.
Author notes
I return comments, other than that, comment as you will.
Written September 25th, 2005
A contest entry
- Tell me about the love u cant have-and many more options by a Touch of Madness.
300 points, ended October 19, 2005, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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it rocks
Sweet i love this poem!!!! -
Poem rocks
Yay Your poems are like the greatest thing ever !!!!!! -
IT rocked!!!
WOW that is a great poem..but it made me cry but good job Kelsey! cya around buddy! -
I have goosebumps just reading it. This imagery is fantastic and the way the poem flows on a whole I believe really does it justice. Well done
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wow i don't know how i feel, i think the poem is awesome and deseves all the praise it gets, it is very dramatic and the imagery is amazing well done
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waining should be waning i think...
I liked this poem a lot, mostly because it had such a good rhythm to it. -
Well-conveyed
I don't know... you obviously elaborated this poem through a real emotion, and it elucidates your despondence; in that respect, it's a good poem. However, the images are a little discursive, and there really isn't any focus--I feel like I'm looking at one of those blithely sad, contumacious Goth kids. Additionally, there were mechanical errors... but a soul is there. -
very strong words . It made me feel sad. brought up old feelings... good work!!
Edited on Sep 25, 2:54 p.m. because ''. -
This may well be saying what a million other poems have said before and will still say in the future... BUT this is your way of saying it, and you have said it well. It does indeed seem as if you are fighting a war within yourself - the loneliness and desperation come through very, very clearly. Well done, and keep writing.
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"My sword is drawn,
My hope is waining,
Stabbing and cutting,
Life is fading,"
I loved those few lines because they really said something to me. This was certainly different, it seemed like a war was being faught between two armies and another war being fought inside yourself. Well that's what I made of it anyway, The title was interesting, and I was wondering where you came up with it. Fantastic job and you definalt deserve some applause from me. -
I am sorry to say that I don't really like it...you repeat die twice. It just seems like the typical "I'm going to cry, and then I'm going to die, and I don't know why..as I head for the sky..which is a poem I have heard about a million times. I was really hoping for something unique and different from all the rest..keep writing..someday you'll write something spetacular if you really put your soul into it. ~Rush
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This is certainly not 'Good, but a little weird', this is fantastic! Beautiful yet tragic... I love the way the image of the blade keeps creeping in and takes the poem round and round, almost like I'm in the never-ending spiral of desperation that the poem is portraying whilst reading it! I really like the variation in line length throughout. Sometmes it throws a poem off a little, but you've made it work really well here. The title's great, although I wonder why you didn't make a little more of it in the poem itself? All in all a really great poem. Keep up the good work!
mel xx
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