Paths and images before me spread,
No set pattern, no color scheme.
Hallways go forward, bending some
And yet others straight.
Somewhere, nowhere, and everywhere,
My sight, my hearing, and touch,
My soul spread over a thousand pages
And my heart up on a book shelf.
No more thoughts, no more images,
No more brilliant words coming
At the worst possible times.
All these phrases, inspirations,
Bouncing out of my head
Like a thousand marbles on asphalt,
And never do I have the chance
To seize the best of the worst.
Fingers talking, mouth feeling,
Eyes hearing and ears seeing.
The world is upside down
But on the other side it is
Always right side up.
I have forgotten where I am going,
Where I have been and what I am saying;
I opt to take the locked exit out,
And bar the open door from reality.
I choose to sweep the clouds away
Across the ground and back to the sky.
Nowhere, somewhere... everywhere.
Author notes
Um... I just typed what came to mind, no real reason. Enjoy!
Written September 23rd, 2005
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1 - 6 of 6
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WOW... This is awesome!!! You did a great job on this one!!! It is just kind of random but it is awesome anyways...
Hugs,
Beth -
Hehehehe... Phew! I was hoping you wouldn't disown me...
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I LIKE IT.IT IS RANDOM HAS A COOL FEEL.
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Please, someone has to be nitpicky! LOL! And better it comes from you than some person I never met. LOL!
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"I just typed what came to mind..." Loser! Grrrr.... turns green with envy That was great! Oh my. It does feel like it just tumbled out of your fingers onto the page... But that's ok! It's an intriguing style.
I have a few suggestions if you want to hear them... The first is kinda a caution. I'd be careful not to repeat images too much. For example, in this one you use the image of a hallway, and you did that in another recent poem too. So yes, I'd just be a little wary. Not that I don't like it! It's a lovely image, but yes, don't overuse it. I have to be careful of that too...
My other suggestion is to watch your word choice, especially your verbs. You use a lot of "to have", "to be", "to do", etc. Those are slightly weak verbs. Try using active, descriptive verbs! Aren't you so happy that I'm being this nitpicky? It's so much easier to suggest these things than to actually do them, lol...
Great write, Erin!!!
s
Kyla -
You know, just your thoughts are wonderful to read. Your words always flow like fine wine and caress the reader's palate with fluid fingers! Hugs, Patricia ♥
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