Journal Entry

My mind is wondering, lost. I can't focus on anything, much less my school work. I was stressed to a horrible point. I wanted to get away. I couldn't. I wanted to go home, sleep in my own bed again. I couldn't. Some thought they understood what was going on. Some thought they could relate. I thought about praying, but no. God, well, God ceased to exist. Once or twice I was told that love would help. If love was the answer, I couldn't find it. I came to believe there was no answer. I just had to forget it and move on. pretend everything okay just like the rest of the world. Yes, it would still linger in the back of my mind. Just like a scar. Eventually I would forget about it and only remember when I saw that scar. Now, when I see it all I remember is the sharp stinging and then watching the blood run down my leg.
    So, now everything is the same. I still loathe school with a passion. I still only get around five hours of sleep a night, sometimes six. People have tried to get me to open up but, no. I'm like my farther, too stubborn to change,too angry to take in every word. I'm still trying to hide that scar. I know the longer I hide it from daylight the more it builds but I'm not ready, not yet. Right now I just laugh with everyone else and pretend everything is and always will be okay. Just like the others. Our only problems are boy's, school, and the other minute things. In the inside I know everything isn't and never will be okay. Something is going to happen, it's always approaching. I can feel it. The question is when.