Marriage:Two trees growing by a river -- too close, they crowd
each other out -- too far apart, they are not in touch.
They must grow close enough together to stay in touch
and far enough apart to leave each other room to grow.
Relationships:commitment and sharing.
Love does not create a relationship.
All relationships can be defined by
how the commitments are kept and by the depth of
sharing. In a deeply committed relationship with
rich sharing, love will show up. But, if you are
madly in love with someone and there is no commit-
ment, no sharing -- you will soon hate them.
Celebrate each and every day that you spend with your mate.
Even, the bad ones. Particularly, the bad ones. Generosity,
in the face of adversity, demonstrates the greatest faith.
Action, that springs forth when things are not easy, is the one we believe. Create your love -- stronger than a child's like or dislike. Create your love so that your partner is perfect down to their last imperfection. Loving someone means having them be okay to be who they are even when we aren't happy with the way they are being.
Celebrate every success and accomplishment, no matter how minor. This gives you the strength to traverse those times when nothing seems to be working.
Stay connected to your joy. It is the energy of all the love you have yet to express. With joy in your life, your sharing will always be rich.
The best way to have it? The way it already is. Only by accepting how it is right now, are we be able to work with it to create what we want for tomorrow.
All great endeavors take work. Thank God. We don't appreciate what comes too easily. Therefore labor in love. Life and marriage are not toil and suffering unless we demand that life be as we want it to be. Life is how it is. Don't take it personally. Just take it and make it into what you want.
By Thomas Burson 02/14/94
Author notes
This was written because a friend called up and said David John is getting married. Write something I can frame and give to him. When do you need it, I asked? Today! This is what showed up. It hangs in their dining room. I have given it to several other couples after they are married. They all have hung it where they can read it every day. So I guess I hit a good note.
Written February 14th, 1994
In a list
A contest entry
- The Best Advice You NEVER Got by Viyanna Rosemarie.
550 points, ended March 16, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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there is some truth here. quite a bit, in fact.
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You do give good advice in this, and you have written it eloquently. An excellent read.
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Love is a magical energy. I simply wanted to help bring clarity to the hard work of relationship.
Love,
Tom B.
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i read it
but i have no faith in it at the moment....i cant find the love anymore
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I love you kiddo, but I know what your looking for and it isn't about love. Seriously. Companionship is more than sex and while it should include it, particularly in your case. Companionship, simpatico, someone to hold. Get the love bug out of your head. It will help clear up your thinking.
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This is so beautiful... I am engaged to a wonderful man, and this just rings so true with me... I love it, so much! May i print this and hang it on my wall? I will credit you no problem, I promise!
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Of course. I would be honored.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
PS My newer poems "Another Day at 5825 ..." and "The Lay of The Land" are both about the romance after 16 years of marriage.
Best of luck.
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may i copy this to send to my husband who is currently away? he and i have been struggling and i think this would be a good reminder. of course credit would be yours. thank you for sharing. it was beautiful to read. viyanna rosemarie
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I would be honored to have you copy it with proper citations. That is why I wrote it.
If it helps, it is only because someone larger than I spoke through my words.
Love, Tom B.
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Your second paragragh you are tota;;y right about relationships. You have to have a strong communication, for a relationship to work. I just married a wonderful guy and we have that strong bond avd communication between us is wonderful. Our dream came true.
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Relationships can be made in heaven, but they work themselves out on earth. It is often the work that is what is forgotten when we begin the dream. This is not to diminish the dream. When I wrote this, it was to help the dream flourish. Glad you enjoyed.
Love, Tom B.
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Reading this over again, I wish we had it framed on our wall. To remind us, not matter what challenges god sends us, we can work through it. We need to accept our spouses for whom they are, not who we want them to be. Look into their heart & soul & remember why you declared your love for them in front of witnesses. When troubled times rare there ugly heads, look past the imperfections & see only the good, never rehash bad memories or arguments. Thankyou for sending me back here Sir Tomis, I love this even more.
Suz
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We are not born knowing how to be in a relationship. We learn with each one we have or we learn to stay out of them. Close ones don't come easy. There are days when even we don't want to be with ourselves
. It is out a commitment that is honored by both parties even when they are unfit for human consumption that allows a beautiful and healthy one to take place.
Love,
Tom B.
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unfortunately we grew in different direction I was heading up the river he was stuck in the dirt.. a lesson has been learnt.. stay close but give each other room to move... thank you sir tomis for your wisdom
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Relationships are created by the participation of the partners. No one is going to succeed by doing it all on their own. This was written about the path needed to be followed by both partners to create a fruitful relationship. We can all be saboteurs. It is why we need to go gently and humbly down this path accepting we are responsible for only half.
May your days be fruitful and this holiday season rich in joy and Light. May the forth coming year be one of break throughs in understanding and accomplishment.
Love,
Tom B.
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celebrate eacha nd every day you share with your mare, even the bad ones, especially the bad ones, tHIS IS SO SENSETIVE AND WONDERFUL, AND OH SO POIGNANT, A REAL TREASURE,
THANKS TOM
HAVE A NICE DAY
THERESA
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we forget that what counts is not when it is easy, but what happens when it is hard. Relationships are created by the hard work and sweat of caring, not delivered as a right of privilege. Thanks for enjoying and celebrating.
Love,
Tom B.
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SOUND AND LOVING ADVICE
I tried to stretch it out to the deepest roots of my heart, in the most silent hours of the night. My spirit had been broken, but I tried faithfully to understand and forgive. Your poem makes it all seem so easy like reading a manual or like a Kabril Kabran poem, to making it work. Some of us fail even when we realize we do not own......... anything, but our self worth as loving, good, normal, human beings regardless of our earthly flaws.We sometimes fear asking for what we need and expect others to know, live and learn 101.
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In my first marriage, I was married to a beautiful wonderful woman. Unfortunately, we were each others best drug. We were co-dependent. After it was all over and at that point over was an understatement, I spent quite a few years learning how to not be addicted to relationships, how to stop living in a state of high anxiety. Hell, sometimes it was just discovering that there was something healthier and more loveing than the normal I had been living in. I worked at it for ten years. After that I began to get into better relationships and finally got married and bought a house and had a kid. It is all hard work. I refused to feel sorry for myself. Most of the time that worked. I realized after the first marriage, I, just, had to find, discover, grow, become the person I wanted to meet and be with. I tell you this cause easy to say ain't easy to do. But, you should know that someone has done it. A lot of someones.
Love, Tom B.
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A profound feast of thoughts
"Create your love so that your partner is perfect down to their last imperfection. Loving someone means having them be okay to be who they are even when we aren't happy with the way they are being." "Stay connected to your joy. It is the energy of all the love you have yet to express. With joy in your life, your sharing will always be rich." These are my favourites. Thank you for your profound thoughts.
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It is a shame that wisdom takes experience and experience must be earned. If we could simply become sages in our own lives quickly, then we would not have to make so many grand mistakes. Thanks for enjoying this culling of experience to help a young man from making too many.
Peace,
Tom B.
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Great silver winner you have penned here. Such good advice and words of wisdom you have shared in these lines. Certainly worth framing and hanging up where others can read it. Congratulations. Your wise words just keep on flowing, and we just keep on reading.
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Thanks. Marriage is a commitment to change. We must open our lives to including another person. Learning how to handle a relationship is a great deal of work in the beginning but can lead to great rewards. Then there are even greater changes when blessed with children. How we keep our balance and deal with all of this is a measure of our health, commitment and spiritual faith. It takes all of it. Glad you found some wisdom in my effort.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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excellent
Celebrate each and every day that you spend with your mate.
Even, the bad ones. Particularly, the bad ones. Generosity,
in the face of adversity, demonstrates the greatest faith.
Action, that springs forth when things are not easy, is the one we believe. Create your love -- stronger than a child's like or dislike. Create your love so that your partner is perfect down to their last imperfection. Loving someone means having them be okay to be who they are even when we aren't happy with the way they are being.
Celebrate every success and accomplishment, no matter how minor. This gives you the strength to traverse those times when nothing seems to be working.
Stay connected to your joy. It is the energy of all the love you have yet to express. With joy in your life, your sharing will always be rich.
a rich colelction of marriage counselling there.Impressive indeed..particularly above extract.Thanks for sharing.please visit my poetery and offer some comments.
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Susan, I have visited your poems and commented.
Learning how to accept and value all that is given us is a gift. Learning how to surrender without giving up is a blessing.
If any of this provides support then I am blessed.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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welldone
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Thanks, may it prove to be a resource of support when needed.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Very well written. And great advice. Thanks for sharing this.
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Glad that you enjoyed this.
Love,
Tom B.
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this is a great piece.
i agree on alot of it. but what hapens when you are the only one building the brigde? what happens when you are the only one trying to cherish all those minor accomplishments?
it is unkind to try to love when one doesnt recieve it in the way it should be given.
yes one should cherish eachoher the way they are. not demanding anythign. but when one life changes to try to have something in common with your mate.. .and it still doesnt work... is it time to move on?
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Comittments must be shared. Otherwise all you have is a lie. If you know that to stay is to betray yourself or make yourself available for abuse, you must leave. My wife and I separated in my first marriage because we were co-dependent and as much as we loved each other, we were not good for each other. But, once ended, another relationship is not an answer but only pouring water on someone already drowning. it took me ten years of work on myself to get ready for my next marriage and without the work I guarantee that the second one would never have worked. There is a lot more, but I am so tired and I have a job interview tomorrow, so I will talk further but not tonight. kay?
Love, Tom B.
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