The night has a feral feeling
putting the evening to flight
As clouds like sable stallions
go racing across the night
A silvery eye in the heavens
looks down on the turmoil below
Adding depth to the darkening shadows
with a strange ethereal glow
Thunderclaps rap out a warning
as they give the lightning reply
While the rolling waves leap higher
trying to capture the sky
A leafless tree stands trembling
as the battle begins in the bay
While the wind gives vent to its anger
to add to the on-going fray
The incoming ocean is raging
as the shoreline forces it back
Wave upon wave lie broken
from their suicidal attack
This is not a night to go wandering
for humans to be abroad
When the land that’s usually in slumber
is fiercely put to the sword
Soon the night will be over
once the tempest has taken it’s due
A brighter day will awaken
as the sun comes shining through
Author notes
Written September 23rd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Process of Elimination: Picture by B Chandler.
400 points, ended September 23, 2005, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME! (now 12,000) - Part 3 Nature by cricketjeff.
1000 points, ended December 17, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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another enjoyable read
Thunderclaps rap out a warning
as they give the lightning reply
While the rolling waves leap higher
trying to capture the sky
I particularly liked these lines
I know I can always find my kind of poetry when I visit your page
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What a wonderful painting, sorry poem. I think that sums up how I feel. Excellent piece.
Please keep entering the other rounds, love is already underway.
Thanks for your entry we both enjoyed reading it
Jeff and Sue
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Thank you Fairmaiden you truly warm the heart of this old peasant with you word of kindness. as for leaving ones mark all that can be hoped for is that the reader enjoys what you place before them,and comments such as your provide the encouragement to continue Thank you
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As I have not read your work for some time I thought that I would drop by. I read several of your poems and was the better for it. This poem was beautiful, your words surely leave their mark upon someone!
Edited on Oct 04, 10:30 p.m. because ''. -
My Thanks to you LK i have to admit my,liking for these contests, not just for the inspiration i gain from them but also from that which other poets receive.It is hard to imagine how many different ways there are of looking at the same picture.I truly thank you for taking time to read and comment
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Magnificent writing!
Well, I don't think I have ever read a more enchanting description of a storm. *SMILES* I love seeing where the poets thoughts go when inspired by a picture and this is just fabulous! Sable Stallions is a stunning piece, perfectly rhymed and is was certainly a pleasure feast for the senses..
Outstanding! -
Thank you my young friend for you lovely comments, If there is a challenge to try I will give it a go.The only thing I have trouble with is love poetry Never could get my head around how to put my feeling down where love is concerned. Oh well I'll leave that to the poets who are good at it.Thank you once again my friend for your wonderful comments
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My, my legend!! AWESOME job!!! I really love this poem... I just noticed that you could write any style of poetry as long as your inspired... Happy, sad, even erm.. erotic... lol!!! You are an amazing poet my dearest old timer!! Great job on this!!!
I love this a lot!!
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Thank you Swan please take two aspirin and switch out the light.
serious though thank you for your comment, as i said smut was just a challenge for me and not my usual style,( but i could get use to it)Thanks your for reading and commenting It is appreciated -
Excellent piece, and not a bit of smutt in sight. You have put a real sense of atmosphere into this piece, which reads well, and lends it's flow to the feel of the poem. Your use of imagery is spot on, and very vivid, I can almost feel my storm headache brewing as I read. (That is meant as a compliment!LOL)
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Thank you Jim My friend I would have thought with all that is going on in your neck of the woods, bad weather was the last thing you wanted to read about.We have a habit over here in Britain of moaning about the weather, Now you and your fellow suffers really do have something to complain about My thoughts go out to you all.Thank you anyway for taking time to read and comment
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Wonderful Legend. The imagery is brilliant. With our recent hurricanes the images were quite vivid.
Your friend,
Jim -
Thank you Sue,I guess without the images i would find it hard to keep writing.some need something to fire their imagination I happen to be one of them .OK i can write without them but it would not be as much as i do now. Oh and here is the S you asked for. I always miss something when writing, and appreciate it when it is pointed out to me Thank you
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Hi Cute thank you once again for your comments I always appreciate it when you take time to read and comment Thank you
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Thank you Rae for your wonderful comment.It is always a pleasure to enter these contests of your If all one gets from them is a poem,Then that is more than enough for me It is such a shame that you received so few entries,but those you did where well worth the contest and their trophies well done Now on to the next one
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Oh...I forgot. Hate to pick, but I think you forgot the "s" on the word come in the last line. I told you I was a Virgo! ~ Sue
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Wow! This is perfection. I wish i had the ability to look at a picture and write such a powerful description with so much imagery and imagination. I'm not very good with imagery. Something I have to work on. You are a true poet. Excellent! ~ Sue
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wow i love this poem! it's brilliant. good job!
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as you can dear sweet legend
your words float endlessly--
no way to explain the simple
yet profound imaginary
....good luck in the contest sug
Rae -
Thank you Abernaith for your comments and pointing out a few things.I have put right the typos,and have the opening stanza under review.
I wish to leave the last line of it as it is so i will be looking to alter the opening line.
I did not notice that i had place night in it twice, thank you.
I started off with heavens than used that else where then I had sky, I wasn't to sure on that.
I have a feeling that i will have to do a re write on that first line.
Slumber i am leaving as i think that works.
Thank you for your comments and your aid I do appreciate it -
A silvery eye in the heavens
looks down on the turmoil below
Adding depth to the darkening shadows
with a strange ethereal glow
Oh, gosh. I just love love love this stanza! It's about one of my favorite muses, and everything in it just fits! A really fine stanza, my friend.
This poem drew me in, as a matter of fact, with its ambience--very appealing, with a tinge of darkness and a tinge of hope. A good balance to be found here. I enjoyed reading it, from start to finish.
Some technical things to consider:
"go racing across the night" As you've used "night" twice in this stanza...this line comes off as "easy", no offense. May I please suggest you consider using "dwight" instead? To my knowledge, it means 'misty, foggy twilight'. Twilight is also good, if you would consider revising the line...
"as they give the lightening reply"
Misspelling: lightning
"A leafless trees stands trembling"
Typo: tree
"When the land that’s usually in slumber"
I considered suggesting "sleeping" in place of "in slumber", but then, on second thought, it might sound a bit awry..."modern-ish", if you will. Still, tis a pity if the rhyme is sacrificed here. It's a good stanza, really... -
Thank you Anna as ever i see a brighter day , just part of my make up I guess,I have no time for being sad.I love these picture poems they give you such a diversity in what the writer can do.So pleased that you enjoyed the read Thank you for your time and comments
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Thank you Tears I started this one three days ago, and had trouble with it,Kept putting it aside then coming back ( I usually do that anyway) I finally scraped most of what I'd done and started again,I am a little more pleased with it than i was, but still not totally happy.Thank you for your comments They do mean a lot to me s
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This is very well done. Though a beautiful picture, I would not have been able to write a poem inspired by it. But of course you could. Fortunately at the end there was some hope for better times... "A brighter day will awaken - as the sun come shining through".
Anna.
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This is not a night to go wandering
for humans to be abroad
When the land that’s usually in slumber
is fiercely put to the sword
Soon the night will be over
once the tempest has taken it’s due
A brighter day will awaken
as the sun come shining through
This poem was amazing with thought and imagery
these last verse really spoke to my mind through your words
as of late your writings have been very thought out
and very creative and it has been a joy to read your work
no matter the subject
best of luck in the contest this is another winner in my
book of poems
Blessings
Tears
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