I'm Still Waiting

There was a girl.  And there was a boy.



     There was a girl.
     She was sweet and kind hearted and thought only of others and never for herself.  All her friends loved her, and their friends, and their friends.  Except for one person.

     There was a boy.
     He was a cold and lonely boy, and had no friends until a chanced meeting one day with a nameless boy.  He continued to act cold and indifferent, however.  Until one day he met a person.



     There was a shy girl.
     When his eyes first caught hers, she turned back to her friends and hid her smile.

     There was a flustered boy.
     When her eyes first caught his, he tried to act indifferent and cold.



     There was a scared girl.
     When she first walked into the same room as he, she yelled that he sucked and ran away, afraid and confused.

     There was a waking boy.
     When she first walked into his life, she yelled at him and ran away.  A crack chipped into his face of stone and heart of ice.



     There was a disappointed girl.
     When she watched him and he detected her glance, he would appear to turn cold and angry.  And so she turned away without a word.

     There was a frightened boy.
     When he felt her eyes upon him, he would put up the barriers and masks and walls and barriers.  And when she turned away, he would always feel an unfamiliar, hollow pain in his heart.



     There was a shocked girl.
     When she first talked to him and discovered not only that he had asked out her best friend, but that he had once liked Her, she felt crushed.  And so she admitted that she had once liked him too.  But she lied, for she still did.

     There was a shocked boy.
     When she first talked to him, he found the courage to admit that he had once liked her but went for her friend instead.  But he lied, for he still liked her, and his relationship with her friend was already falling apart before it began.  And when he found that she had once liked him, his heart was crushed.



     There was a surprised girl.
     When they first Really talked as true friends, she found that he was not a cold-hearted or hateful boy, but really just a scared one afraid to love.  And so she opened her arms to him and embraced him.

     There was a hopeful boy.
     When they first Really talked as true friends, he found that he began to spill out everything to her, things that no other ears in the world had ever heard, thoughts that he had hidden for a life time.  And he found that she accepted him and comforted him and opened her arms to him.  And so he embraced her, and began to hope.



     There was a hurt girl.
     Time passed and the boy asked other girls out.  He had many short and false relationships and infatuations, but why?  Why did he not see her in his eyes?  She was hurt over and over by his actions.

     There was a doubting boy.
     Time passed and he realized that she couldn't care for him as more than a friend.  He realized that she was probably only pitying him, and pity he did not need.  The thought angered him...or so he thought.  Deep down inside, the thought hurt him.  And so he began to court other girls, and though his self-confidence began to slowly but steadily build, it did nothing to make him happy even once, and it in fact made him sadder and sadder with each passing girl.



     There was a changing girl.
     One day, she had to go to a different school.  She said her goodbyes and shed her tears, and most of all, she realized she would miss him.  But he didn't care, did he?  He had others now, he didn't need her.  So she went away, alone, and over two years, she slowly began to change.  He finally admitted her true feelings to her, and she grew very happy.  But inside, she grew vulnerable, she grew weak, she grew dependent.  She was changing.

     There was a changing boy.
     He regreted.  He regreted seeking others when she was beside him, he regreted mistreating her and ignoring her and taking her for granted.  And so, he called her one day and finally said the three words that he had truly felt all along.  And when she mirrored it and when she sounded happy, he was ecstatic and shed tears of joy and relief.  He was changing.



     There was a changing girl.
     One day, they met together.  And she gave him a ring.  And she knelt down on one knee and, in front of every one, declared her love to him.  And she felt happy.  But she was already changing.

     There was a changing boy.
     One day, they went out together, and she presented a box to him.  And when he opened it and saw the ring, he heart stopped.  And when she knelt down before him and declared her love, his eyes became wet and he embraced her.  It was the happiest day of his life.  And he told her, and held her.  He was changing.



     There was a changed girl.
     Time passed.  She grew weary.  She grew tired of hurt and disappointment.  Though he had changed, the past continued to bother her.  She told herself that they had a new start.  So why did memories of betrayl from the past haunt her?  And so, one day, she looked him in the eye.  And she told him.  That she.  No longer.  Loved him.

     There was a changed boy.
     Time passed.  No other girl mattered.  No other person mattered.  No other object or thing to be obtained in the world mattered to him any longer.  He began to make new friends, to smile publically, to laugh and joke and help others and love others.  For as time passed, his love for her grew and grew and grew, and though he regretted badly his conduct in the past, he could only look forward to a better future and treat her better.  And so, he grew happier and happier.  Until one day.  When she looked him in the eye.  And told him.  That she.  No longer.  Loved him.



     There was only a shattered boy.
     Why?  Why he asked her, and she answered that she did not know.  He was crushed, and his whole world crashed down around him.

     There was only a shattered but changed boy.
     He would not become heartless again.  He realized that after days of mourning.  He would not shut others out.  He would not damn her and curse her.  He loved her still.  He owed her the world, he owed her his life.  So he would wait.  He loved her and he knew that she must love him, for it was her love that brought him salvation.

     So he waited.
     So he still waits.
     And so he will continue to wait.

-Harrison.  December 19, 2004 ~ July 19, 2005.




     This is a shortened version of a true story.  Where's the proof, you say?  Right here.  I'm still waiting.  I'm still crying.  I'm still hurting.  I'm still loving.  And I've got something to say to all of you: don't let fear blind you, don't let doubt change your actions, don't let love slip through your fingers.  Love is forever...but it can be one sided.  Don't bring yourself this pain, take your chances, and never turn back when you do.  Who am I to tell you this?  I'm a Waiter, I'm a Mourner, I'm a Fool.  Don't make my mistake.  So if you fear, if you doubt, if you are like me, tell him or her how you feel.  And never let them go.  You'll regret it.