If I could visit Heaven
And pick out what I need
From all the other prophets
I would feel good indeed.
I think I'll take Jobs' patience
For wisdom, Solomon's the man
With the endurance of Moses
I can make it, I know I can!
I'd like to obey like Noah
Have the faith of brother Dan
And with the strength of Samson
I can firmly take a stand.
I want the love of Abraham
The resilience of Saul
With the humbleness of Timothy
I could preach like Paul.
But, I am more like Peter
I have a stubborn streak
My brain doesn't always have time to think
Before I open my mouth to speak.
But God doesn't make duplicates
He makes us all unique
Some are strong and buoyant
Some are mild and weak.
Some may sing like David
Some may preach like Paul
Some may run like Jonah
But, God still loves us all.
Author notes
This is my first posting on this site. I do appreciate constructive criticism. Thank you. Darlee77
Written September 22nd, 2005
A contest entry
- Inspiration please! anything goes! by woman onamision.
650 points, ended February 25, 2006, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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The title reeled me in to read this piece, and I like the idea of getting to shop in heaven... although I think there would be a few complications in being allowed up there to shop and then come back down to Earth to use our purchases! I wonder what one would pay for Solomon's wisdom?!
I liked this poem and its great for a first post, but there could be a few small improvements made on the flow of this piece, i.e trying to keep lines of stanzas the same length, but I'm sure that you'll improve on flow with practice! Most people do without realising it, they read through their work and can just see where another word is needed in one line or a couple need to be taken out of others... I thought your last stanza was the strongest and ended the piece nicely! Well done on a great write!
xx Katie xx
Oh and welcome to AP!!
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Wow!! What a debut!!! A well constucted piece that shows alot of effort and thought. With that I will welcome you to the site with a Jacki
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oh ho
this tittle tempted me to read...thought it would be something different and yup it is....nice thought here
keep going
Ankita
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the title intrigued me, and the poem did not dissapoint
Very entertaining and yet serious, a lovely write.
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Your review is awesome and much appreciated. Thank you. Darlee77
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Wow! What a wonderful review. Thank you very much.
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excellent
Hi, I waltzed through your poem, it makes me dance in a beautiful dress which is designed to flow with the gentle breezes, not without the fragrance of dance, soft music, pastel flowers, the shuffling of ballet shoes on the marble floor, the garden is shaded by beautiful towering trees, big blossoms blooming, wafting with a beautiful aroma, to make the moment sweet and memorable. This is what your poem did for me.
Edited on Sep 23, 5:04 p.m. because ''. -
Excellent Praise
Wow! What a awesome response to your work, I know why to, it is so great, I especially loved it, I revelled in it, like rolling in a beautiful field with a beautiful fragrance and then the fragrance clings to you and people comment on the perfume that is on me, then I have to say that I've been in a field of beautiful perfumed poetry. The perfume didn't belong to me but it stayed on me and others enjoyed it. I suppose like a bee to many flowers, the bee carries the perfume and the pollen to help other flowers. What can I say but I loved it. -
Welcome then to the site lol! Goodness ok let me see: Smiley Face applauds are 7 pts, then of course comments vary in point- the more you diplomaticly comment the more points you recieve, length of a comment determines points too.
And thank you for applauding my comment, it is much appreciated! Lastly, to wear in your new penning skills, go around and comment on the poetry of others, giving your thoughtful opinion to help them with their poetry.
Peace of Christ.
Edited on Sep 22, 10:48 p.m. because ''. -
Thank you for the great review. I don't know much about the applaud and point system, so if I miss doing something, let me know. Darlee77
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Thank you for the wonderful review. I do appreciate it. I don't know much about the applaud and point system, so if I miss something, let me know. Darlene Browning
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting on my poem. Thank you for the help. I will work on it and see if I want to change it. I am very new here and really don't understand the applauds and points, so if I have done something wrong here or should have done more, please let me know. DArlene Browning
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9
This has been intriguing. The gifts from God are so many, and each has such a perfumed distinction from the other. The Holy Spirit manufacturers originality as if creativity is like a "Mary Poppins" carpet bag, only it's God's.
Constructive critism:
"Some may sing like David
Some may preach like Paul <------ "Paul" is repeated
Some may run like Jonah
But, God still loves us all."
I believe there are only three names in the Bible that have names that rhyme, that is: Paul, Saul, and Baal. Just in case I am wrong please reference this site for Bible names- www.ccel.org/bible_names/title.html
Thank you for writing about His kingdom-this was wholesome and deserves applauding. God bless~
Edited on Sep 22, 10:35 p.m. because ''. -
I can tell you've done your research and you also put it together very well. I'm impressed. Very good work!
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WONDERFUL POEM
This is a wonderful poem. So original. The flow and the rhyme were amazing. For your first poem this was wonderful. I do hope you write more. I will put you on my favorites list. Take care, Sandy.
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