I hear not a sound.
I need not hear anything,
Not anymore, my love.
I can feel the wind caress my cheek
And see the trees in a gentle sway.
I can feel the warmth of the sun hold me
And feel the bird song in my soul.
But my heart aches to see you now,
Coming down those marble steps,
The fire colored Autumn leaves
Padding the path at your feet.
I long to see your auburn hair,
The chocolate swirl of your eyes;
Come to me, my heart, my only beloved.
So here I wait, hearing nothing outside,
Only hearing the heart beat inside me,
Steady and drumming to the pace I set
Of your imagined steps towards me.
I hear your calm and gentle voice
Speak inside my mind,
The words I wish you to say.
Author notes
I'm still not happy with this and it is driving me crazy. Any suggestions?
Written September 19th, 2005
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Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I think its great! it already has strong rhythm to it, have you tried writing with meter? that's the only thing I could think would improve it...but I really do like it as it is.
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WOW... This is a very beautiful poem!!! I really like it!!! You did a great job on this one!!! I agree with patricia in that you are one of the best writers on this site!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
This is a beautiful write about wanting someone and patience. It is very well-written. I can sense the anticipation as the two are brought together. To be honest, I don't see any problems with this piece. It is excellent just the way it is!
Thank you for sharing! -
Beautiful! I am amazed! You should be proud of writing such a breathtaking poem, Araxie. I'm sure you will win contests with this one, because I see gold in its future. If you always write as good as this, I have to add you to my favorites! You deserve an applause for this, even if it'll cost me.
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good!!
i guess i don't need to say much...this is some really good stuff!!i can see i'm not the only one who enjoyed nthis...good job.keep writing...no need to think lowly of your poetry!!!! -
Wow! This is amazing! Beautifully written. Love so poetically spelled out in a wish. Simply brilliant!
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I love it, myself. You are, without a doubt, one of the greatest writers on this site. I found a place tonight that I'll send you the link to. I would so love to be first in line to read your book. Poetry and short stories are both published. You have to do it. You're seriously missing your calling, Sis. Love, Patricia ♥
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