It was an ambitious undertaking.
above the steam
rising from the stinking swamp
the fecund residue of things unseen
underneath the gleaming stars
that foresaw everything--
these thoughts of Love
when the quiet is shattered
by the splatter of water falling
something has died,
the song of some bird
suddenly lonely
the thick gas burping
from the weight of things
unseen
lurking deep below.
These words
that we now exhaust
covered in mold and moss
these tracks of creation
watching our demise
and what we left behind,
bodies stacked in long rows
a stench of things unseen
down below
the pace our words flow
underneath the gleam
that foresaw everything.
Author notes
Written September 18th, 2005
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1 - 5 of 5
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we look to stars for the future because they are our past. What is not made of stardust?
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I read these words and I think of New Orleans, wars and all scenarios of loss.
stars sun
bodies sink into swamps
hum of hymns
somewhere in a crystal cathedral
two souls kissing
Myra
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I like the contrasts, things that die, things that are born. Because of the Wasteland project, I mentally apply that to this poem. Other thoughts are of the 'Big Bang' and sparks of life crawling from primeval swamps, and of Stephen King's Langyloo (sp?) theory. I like that. Sorry I know my comments are crappy. But I love the poem.
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Second. Hrmpf.
This is like a bowl of life broth. All swampy and boggy and burping .. like a tide pool or the river when its low tide and gets all mucky but you can squish your toes in it and find all sorts of creatures that appear ancient especially horseshoe crabs and spider crabs.. and it smells all lifey and goopy. I always look for arrowheads or heart shaped rocks or beach glass.
You've made the stars, by virtue of the burping thick gas, appear so crystalized and pure and clear. That's pretty cool actually.
Lonely bird, yes. yes. Good one.
I like Upon poems .. they are usually BIG.
Lisa
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The feeling of this is anxious tinged with regret - sorrow
I like the visuals your word choice solicits from the reader
This holds together nicely
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1 - 5 of 5
4 old applause
