Author notes
Abstract- my natural mental state...
Written September 15th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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lol, too funny...and no you didn't lose me. That one line is still spinning circles and wreaking havoc on my brain though
Again, well done.
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I'm glad you weren't disappointed by my abstract muse, moonwick! (I detect a bit of abstract in your name there, too!)
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thanks, Ms. Rose! Yes, after a lot of romantic writing lately, I missed my old abstract muse! lol
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Thanks, LittleMoth, for the great comment! Yes, broken up, I see now, and I know how to fix it- a few well placed punctuation marks here and there are needed...!
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Sorry, Ms. Soul, I lost you after 'bare'... j/k! I'm glad it didn't lose you halfway through, that would be my main concern at this point! and glad you liked my many faces! lol
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"Near the artic circle of my mind"...whoa. That line sent chills up and down my spine, up and down my bare arms. Brrrrr...this is definately abstract and leaves enough out of it so the reader can draw their own conclusions. I'm really not sure how to comment...but it's like an abstract piece of art. You love it, but can't explain why. So well done. You get my applause.
~Lyrical
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Hm... very abstract indeed. I did like it for the fact that it was well written. I think in some places it was a little broken up. Spelling and grammar was superb as far as I could tell. It was definitly interesting and different though not quite my cup of tea. Abstract is definitly the word for it. Maybe perhaps a metaphor or subliminal message lying deep with it? I dunno. Just my opinions or possibly just the ramblings of a teenage girl. Good job and keep up writing.
All The Best To You And Yours
Little Moth
(Katy) -
Bravo, dear poet, this was quite an interesting read! The imagery is remarkable. And, as the title promises, you have an abstract way of thinking, which is something I admire, especially in a writer.
Great work, take care, and good luck in all you do!
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Wow, very interesting..never read something like that before..really made me think lol. Awesome job, and best of luck to you.
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Your words are wise, Nimbus, and therefore will take a long time to sink in here! lol I predict I will see your point in about a year...! Now don't rush me!!!
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Some of the lines show poetic flair and intelligence...but then the abstractness is little too much, though I personally like...having studied surreal/dada art for long time...I think you can put this in a more flatter motif, to get more honest readership!
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thank you, wellsy!
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Note to self: If real meaning must be given to this poem, you could say that the cargo represents abstract thoughts, the highway is the communication between us, the fragile abstract thoughts shatter on the bumpy road of reality, I am silenced and sorrowed, yet I preserve them in the back of my mind...
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Thank you for the comment, cherche! Yes, I was debating that very point, and I think you are right, any author explanation takes away from the reader's own enjoyment, even though it was confusion for some!
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great
hey awesome poem i really like how it is written and the background is great well done keep it up
+wellsy+
+purity+ -
this is definitely abstract , and I will admit to liking it However I would have liked it even better had you left your author note out of it...as in an abstract painting where one can just look and draw their own conclusion. mine was close to your explanation thoug
Reenie
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Hello, Cyb! Well, I needed a break from all that love stuff! lol I missed my abstract muse!
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Metaphor?!! lol no, Domo, a metaphor implies a representation of reality! All over the place? I thought the story quite linear, to a fault! The medium of communication is abstract writing, stretching the bounds of our mental frames of mind... Strange? Yes, that is the underlying intent of the piece! Third stanza a disclaimer??? I don't see that one, it is the 'conflict' in the story! but thanks for a challenging critique!
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I have come to the explosive conclusion that AP is cheaper than a frontal lobotomy
Self examination was always frond on at school especially during class but sometimes you just cant help looking but your pretty much guaranteed not being happy with what you see…
Good mental heath to you sir
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(smile) Stanza three read like a disclaimer for the whole piece. I saw the obvious attempts at metaphor, but stringing them together the way you did made it difficult (for this reader) to establish continuity and cohesiveness. Pragmatically speaking, I thought it was all over the place, searching for a medium of communication, though I must confess that the theme remains apparent throughout.
Good job... a bit strange (which aint a bad thing), and intriguing... good job. -
My abstract muse thanks you, tragic muse! An analysis should be reserved for Junior High Lit class! lol but I will give it a shot here: the cargo is abstract thoughts, the highway is the communication between us, the fragile abstract thoughts shatter on the bumpy road of reality, I am silenced and sorrowed, yet I preserve them in the back of my mind...! How's that!
Edited on Sep 16, 6:04 because ''. -
Amazing write! Although I did find it confusing....
You did well and the creativity of it is highly recognised and liked!!! Keep it up!!!
Expect the unexpected
Melpomene *The Muse Of Tragedy* -
another cool poem! well done x
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This is how my mind usually is as well...just can never can get it out of the small earholes
This has 2 be one of my favs
~Swt -
You are cool baby boy. You sre the coolest!!
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Fried mushrooms! You know, the side order from the local pizzaria! Don't tell Az, she thinks I'm cool! lol
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What the hell are you talking about here???
Auntie rae told me you've been raiding her 'shroom garden, is that true? No matter how hard I try to watch you... you always get you butt in a sling, don't you? Shew, what am I going to have to do? Do you want momma to get out the handcuffs? Super glue you to my hip? Hmmm... ideas and possibilities swarming here! Take care son of my heart!!
(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¤ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
~~~Touchof1der~~~
(, .•'(¸.•'´ ¤ `'•.¸)`'•.¸) -
I agree with all the previous comments, particularly the last one...brilliant, indeed...I especially liked the last stanza...the lines: '...preserving them on an archipelago near the arctic circle of my mind...' Very cool...no pun intended...'shrooms, eh??? Wanda
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Brilliant.
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i dont understand....
why did u change it and stay out my shroom garden lol -
WOW... I really like this one AP daddy... I really think the font you used go great with the content!!! This is really creative as always!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
still editing... whew!
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Ooh, "gratuitous vagueness of energy", "previous stowage"... So loving this!
And you removed the "It is" at the beginning of the second stanza, I honestly didn't expect that!
Yes, quite well done, I'm loving this even more than before! Great job on this Dad!
Your contented, yet still fluffy, ball of Chrissiness
Edited on Sep 15, 3:28 p.m. because 'Spelling error'. -
Thank, Az, but I've already edited it since your comment, it is much improved! and it only took 2 shrooms! lol
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whoa nephew....
was you messing around those shrooms again???
nice form and i just love it keep it up
Auntie Rae -
Yes, I noticed that it grew since I first saw it... But, my initial unsaid suggestions (as I read over) aren't in the least bit necessary because this is more of a prosey style, rather than... I don't know, normal poetry!
Therefore, for once you have silenced me. (Take advantage of it... It doesn't happen all that often ! )
The silent ball of critical contentment
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Well, my fluffy ball of critical astuteness, I may take you up on your mentioned an unmentioned suggestions this time... I've already edited it twice in the minute since your critique!
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Woah, it grew! Yes, fixing this would be incredibly difficult, which is why, unless there's any crucial spelling/grammar mistakes, it can pass without further modifications.
The daughter who thought she was done the first time!
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Your muse's natural state? Yes, that makes perfect sense, this flowed effortlessly like it should. This reminds me a lot of the "Dear Ayizan" (or something like that... don't quote me on the title, but you know the one I mean! ) which is when we first really got together. So, as this reminded me of that, I could connect even more to this being your natural muse.
First off (as it seems that often I'm noticing this), I really adore your title. It's so perfect for the piece, and is indeed so true. And the background! It's just so amazing, I truly adore it. It's like "weaving charcoal upon indigo dreams" (...yes, I did just come up with that! )
Anyhow, as you probably think I've blabbed on enough by now, I'll get onto actually talking about the piece itself, instead of the superficial and such!
Well, I loved this! (Is that enough? ). Your wording, your metaphors... it's all so creative and very you! I would critique this, but you know that I'd basically suggest removing "it" and other words I deem utterly useless, but you don't so I won't waste your time on that!
(Oh, and yes, I completely "get" about the cargo shattering part. To me, it makes perfect sense. Just wanted to let you know! )
Oh well, that's about all I have at the moment. This is a really stellar piece, I beyond adore it!
The abstract side within my mind
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Thank you, Miss Mind! The cargo? Probably just abstract thoughts! I'm just glad you didn't catch any misspellings, for fixing this is a nightmare!
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To start I would like to say thumbs up! The font looks magnificant! Third paragraph (for I couldn't call it a stanza) says the cargo "shatters" ..I am unsure there as to what the cargo is. I can say without reading it again that I got the impression it was America, but "shatters" implies something else..
Great job!
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