I have readied the dark carriage,
ordered your aura
to ease the transition.
You need only open your eyes
at the end of the ride.
Do not start so!
The hounds merely herald your arrival,
as you are as yet un-named,
a shadow;
only gray in those new bridal robes
laid out for you.
It will be better so
don't you think,
without the need for all those other clothes,
and days?
the change
from a quiet pool
to a black storm,
soundless in the fog.
Why do you perspire?
you should know
it won't be so
in the persistant cold,
The drip never ceases
I know,
but the howl of the wind
will give you peace
just before dawn
when the night comes again.
Your hands tremble!
are you already cold?
Your eyes are wild;
I can wait awhile,
you seem undone,
I'll lock your window.
Yes. I can wait.
until the candles
that you've lit
shimmer
and flicker into darkness,
and you believe you are alone.
In a list
A contest entry
- Psychotic Poetry Wanted! by Acidanthra.
475 points, ended August 15, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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wow this is an intense poem! thanks for sharing! good luck!
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This is good...you have to nearly read through the lines to catch exactly what it is your saying. The words you've used are brilliant...the imagery dark and sexxy...good luck my friend
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wow this is really interesting. i love how you painted a picture with words of something dark , sad , and alone. i was just wondering what option you picked..........it's a little unclear. other than that this was a awesome write and good luck in the contest. Thanks for entering.
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This is a good poem but I had trouble relating itto what you said the subject was. I really enjoyed your poem though.
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Read rule #6 or I will delete your write. It also doesn't seem to match any of the options.
Edited on Aug 09, 7:38 p.m. because ''. -
OL-8
excellent poem! I love dark poems and this one is really very well penned wid good usage of wordsa nd deep meaning ! It flows well 2!
thanks for entering and good luck in my contest! Do not forget to check the origanality level ( OL ) In the verdict box! Its outta 10!
preets
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Excellent
Well written, very striking. I have no critiques for this poem. -
This one was rather eerie to me. I like the wording and imagery, but it was scary. I think it is good but not my type
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Very ghostly. Gives me chills. I love the idea of the last line. The visitor will wait untill she believes she is alone (or dead?)
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this a bit eerie but ,it does flow and shows a sad picture,of appears to be death,good write ..Linda
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this is very other-worldly...a wedding, a funeral? i'm getting this sort of slant to it...and in re-reading, it still seems to be there. it's a great write if I'm reading it correctly, so just let me believe that I am! i like reading it this way! and, if I am correct in my reading, I think a great title for this might be "Phantom Groom," but you know best...
Jo
Edited on Sep 30, 10:07 because ''. -
Creepy. I like it. It's so much better then the ones you see with people just going for blood and gore or the cliched characters(vampires, zombies, etc.) to do the scaring. You gave just enough details to paint the perfect picture without making me feel like it was spoon-fed to me.
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WOW this is some of the best stuff I read in awhile, you excellent story telling skills. You really brought the events to life in your poem, with clear and vivid imagery. Very nice work
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oooo. very moving, this is so beautiful. i love it. very dark and paints a perfect picture. good luck and thanks for entering.
*fiona* -
Ooh, I'd hate to be the lady in this poem! Very disturbing and very very dark. "Just before dawn when the night comes again" is the line that makes me the most nervous. I would hate eternal night, it's a pretty damn creepy thought. Well done! it really got to me.
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This is a bit creepy...in a good way I guess. This reminds me of a movie I once saw a long time ago. A man kept his wife locked up in an attic room and fed her through the slot under the door. Course he became careless in the end, entering the room where she was waiting for him with a silk sash and choked him to death. hehehe.
Anyway nice images though I'm don't know about the two "constants" so close together or even in the same poem. I'd ditch the second one.
Desiree -
oooh...reaper...
i'm going out kicking and screaming...none of that quiet acceptance B.S. for me...lol...and holding onto doors and clawing at any darn reaper trying to take me for that carriage ride! lol...i have always wanted someone to take me on a carriage ride...typically, i associate it with some of my most romantic images of things that would woo me eternal...never associated it thusly...and now i am aggravated...because you wrecked my mental image! lmao j/k
UB
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Hey! I'm not first.
Musta been cause I fell asleep with a big book but then it went THUMP in the wee hours of the morning and woke me up .. but I'm here now. Hrmpf. 3rd.
Kinda .. good - creepy demonish type of thing. A new series? or just single look?
Got to work. Bleh.
Lisa
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Yes I agree I almost got a picture of someone whom was abducted and forced to live in this ghastly residence. sorry if that sounds stupid, ha. Though your description in this is very keen, good strong adjectives to describe such a scary thought.
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There is something so entirely other-worldly about this, the shadows move and dance, the picture you paint is ghostly and wraps tendrils in the reader's mind.
I often wonder where you inspiration comes from, Lute - but I always enjoy your imaginings..
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