My fears wouldn’t be as strong,
Had our beginning been different…
Hearing you tell her good night;
And “I love you”
While I knelt before you,
Trying to keep quiet, and drive you to distraction
I knew it was wrong,
Falling in love with you
I never asked that you love me back,
But I know that you do
It’s been a year now,
And we’ve been happy, mostly
But last night when I called you to say goodnight
And you told me you loved me
My heart stopped for a moment,
With the fear someone was there taking my place
I knew it was wrong,
Falling in love with you
I never asked that you love me back,
But I know that you do
You tell me it’s different with us,
And that I can trust in our love
That we’ll grow old together
Though had our beginning been different
My fear wouldn’t be as strong...
Author notes
I haven't writtne for a while... I can never find the words. This came into my head while I was on vacation and I called to tell him goodnight....
Written September 14th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow! This is so perfect. Everything in here is written in such simplistic detail and it works so well. The emotions are portrayed clearly, the doubt, the anxiety and the questions, oh lord, the questions. I know exactly what you mean, you said you could relate to my poem Dismay and I can certainly relate to yours. A bad beginning, in theory should signify a bad ending. But not when it comes to love... Love conquers all, as cliche as it sounds, it really does. This is really great. The repetition is subtle and yet significant in the effect of the overall piece. Well done and thanks for commenting on my poem Dismay. xxx
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Trust is a funny thing. Generally the only thing we can really trust in is a person's history. People tend to repeat their past behavior. Faithful and trustworthy people tend to remain so, adventerous types, well... But it takes two to tango. An otherwise faithful person might stray given special or extreme circumstances at home. But in the end no one owns anybody, and people tend to come home to the place their heart is happiest. Still more rationalization not reasurance. Just remember distrust is toxic in itself.
All in all a thoughtful write, a slice of life captured on the page. Very nice imagery and poingiecy. Well done. -
Excellent
I can relate strongly to this having lived it countless times. There is a fatalistic quality to the emotion of this work, the narrator obviously knows that he/she desperately needs their lover, but fears their love is inevitably doomed. It lends a dark air to the proceedings. It is a fairly desperate poem - kinda like someone sensing a monster in the darkness around them and trying to talk away their fears. I can find very little wrong with this poem. -
You really come back with a bang don't you! This was a great write and I loved it. I do have an idea for your title though, I think you should call it, "I knew it was Wrong..." You repeated this in great stride and I think it is fitting. Awsome work!
*val*
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I like it..a glimpse of something very personal expressed so sincerely. I would have actually liked to see "more". It feels like this poem could have a follow up poem. I hope it does!! Good work!
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It's cool... I love it, great one to get back with again! I hope you will continue writing
Love
Lian -
I agree with Zee, this looks to be a personal piece and as an unbiased reader I don't get to see enough, and at times a little too much in the narrative. I would like to see the same theme worked with fresh lines, there are too many cliches dangling there at this moment!
D -
This was awesome, I liked it, very emotion filled, and yet sad. I can relate to this. Wonderful job, and best of luck to you.
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This seems to be a highly personal piece so I imagine I missed at least some of it, but the emotion has been clearly expressed. Glad you were inspired to write, its hell wanting to and not being able to.
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great
Hey great write i really like how you have written it
My fears wouldn’t be as strong,
Had our beginning been different…
Hearing you tell her good night;
And “I love you”
While I knelt before you,
Trying to keep quiet, and drive you to distraction
thats a very powerful paragraph well done
+wellsy+
+purity+ -
wow, what a great way to jump back into writing again! You've really nailed this one, in a very touching way.
Love is such a scary thing, because how do we ever know if we're loved in the same way that we love, and can we ever get enough reassurance?
Welcome back hun!
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