The rain kissed path leads t'ward the lighted door,
Past wishing well and flowers pink and white.
I wonder who has trod this path before
In seeking peace and comfort for the night.
The lighted sky cries out that storms have passed,
And air is cool and lightly hung with mist.
My search complete, I've found this place at last,
And as I knock I smile at this strange twist.
For cottage stones and slate tiled roof call out,
And beckon all who pass by on the lane.
A warmly lit and comforting redoubt,
That sparkles in the eve like fine champagne.
The door swings open wide with smells of home,
That wrap me with all reasons not to roam.
Author notes
Always fun to write sonnets and this was no exception.
Written September 13th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Sonnets & Pictures by B Chandler.
300 points, ended September 15, 2005, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
I thought it was good, love'd the picture and the poem
-
Beautiful really, someday I hope to pen a masterpiece such as this one!
amazing job...you inspire me
Rosita -
Loverly
This is a lovely gentle sonnet, very much in keeping with the image provided, rounding out the detail and building a charming picture of events before and after the picture was taken. I find the rhyme and rhythm perfect, and the comments from Nimbus seem a bit pretentious. I think your sonnet is beautifully written, and I enjoyed reading it very much. -
I was sure I posted a comment on this previously. Has it been removed? Or is my memory playing tricks? Anyway, I thought it an excellent sonnet. Vivid, moving, and metrically correct. A subject for congratulation
-
Well, I confess that I agree with Nimbus that this poem is not a radically stirring encounter, but the poem is based of the imagery of the painting, and I find your mood absolutely consistent with what has been asked for in the contest (besides anyone who complains about a rhyme between "passed" and "last" is just a tad more anal retentive than I'll ever be able to manage).
The only thing which struck me as a touch counter to the mood was occasional phrasing which seemed un-natural to me, and this may be dialect. I just would never say "lighted door", and like most lazy folk, I pronounce toward as "tord", thus the first line raises a certain critical awareness which I think is better left til later. the t'ward spelling is actually rather nice, but it makes me shift my natural pronunciation. Not as suggestion, but as example: "The rain kissed path leads toward the well lit door" would have been more natural to me, and the easy feeling of your poem would settle in sooner.
Not sure I understand the objection to the meter... it flows smoothly for me. Again, the "lighted"s make the stress pop a little loudly, but otherwise I felt it came off naturally without any hard stresses to interupt the mood. I like the concept of the "twist" and it is appropriately placed. It isn't really presaged in the sense that the house doesn't seem a surprise before this, but frankly, I don't think it is stressing the reader too much to ask a bit of temporal shift... a touch of post-dated feeling.
The end of the poem is ideationally quite good. There is an irony that compliments the volta and resolves the poem while creating a countering tension (I leave home to find home, travel to find a sense of belonging). The phrasing of the final line is again not quite natural to me... I tend to get wrapped up in rather than with, but that's not even worth a quibble.
Nice job,
Brian -
I am by no means qualified to judge this as a good sonnet or not. It has a melodic quality and the kind of ending that makes the pleasant read the rest of it was, all the more enjoyable. Great painting and beautiful descriptive setting. Has feeling of being in this home with its pleasant scents, which could be many things.
-
That picture looks like something out of a fairy tale. Or an apt subject for a jigsaw puzzle.
This is strange because you wonder who's trod the path before, and then in the end you feel at home, as though it's your home. I get the impression it's your home from the last line about it giving you a reason not to roam - and if it's not your house, you're already roaming... So I guess I get that you're just arriving here, and that you are on the roam... But then I see you said "I've found this place at last," so I guess you know somebody there. Maybe I'm just overanalysing, but I'm having a hard time nailing down your exact relationship to the cottage.
I'm not too sure what the strange twist is either... I didn't get a twist. D'oh.
Perhaps you've done it on purpose, but I believe it should be "rain-kissed" (or rain kist lol).
Well, I did like this, or I wouldn't have written this much! I'm just at a loss to get a grip on it.
Mike -
Hi, very pretty sonnet, smooth with a nice safe feel, good visuals, the thing we all dream of, all the best in the comp, I am sure this will do very well, hugs Di
-
The rain kissed path leads t'ward the lighted door,
Past wishing well and flowers pink and white.
I wonder who has trod this path before
In seeking peace and comfort for the night.
The RAIN kissed PATH leads t'WARD the LIGHted DOOR (mustered)
but after this line I see that a new image is added, but doesn't add to the atmosphere much. Besides, pinks and white look rhyme driven! "Past WISHing WELL(??) and FLOWers PINK and WHITE...though I have managed to put stresses at the end of each feet, but when I stress so I don't get the gentle mood and feeling your narrative tries to evoke..(I may be wrong, perhaps am taking too many liberties!). Next line:I WONder WHO has TROD this PATH beFORE(stress is against the mood).Next line is actually the place where this sonnet starts to fail:
In SEEKing PEACE and COMfort FOR the NIGHT. (there is not movement in imagery, you need to open up...and that ending is clearly rhyme driven.)
The lighted sky cries out that storms have passed,
And air is cool and lightly hung with mist.
My search complete, I've found this place at last,
And as I knock I smile at this strange twist.
Firstly, you are missing a rhyme head "C" (L3 "last").I felt little awkward with "And air is cool and lightly hung with mist." mist after the storm (!), and even if so what is the purpose? What addition are you making to the stage you have created (a thematic question?). Next two lines give a feeling that narrator is searching for some magic or some kind of aphrodisiac or something elusive and sacrosanct (actually some of it I like). But then "strange twist" is clearly not the kind of end I expected to this quatrain...(which is of course not a thematic pause, but a shock! A VOLTA and it should be judiciously used...).
For cottage stones and slate tiled roof call out,
And beckon all who pass by on the lane.
A warmly lit and comforting redoubt,
That sparkles in the eve like fine champagne.
I am not very comfortable with the imagery in third quatrain. Hackneyed phrases like "call out", "comforting doubt" have been used at line ends reduce the quality of the work!
The door swings open wide with smells of home,
That wrap me with all reasons not to roam.
I liked that ending, it is kind of a metaphoric experience at the end...shall I call it a heroic couplet, then!
Overall a good poem...
D
-
absolutely a beautiful poem, great pic..so warmingly inviting, makes me want to go there..great write
-
dad... hey... another amazing sonnet that has me wrapped so tight in the smells of home. you are so talented and astounding... its mindtickling how you write sonnets like nobody's business... beautiful... you are eloquent and just... superb... daddy... you amaze me time and time again
AC
----------
----------
Keep sweet
hehehe
-
awesome
Very beautiful. I loved this! Very well-written and descriptive. Awesome job. Keep up the great work!!! :-) -
a beautiful and sweet poem. I think that left alignment works better and would work better for this poem, but the words cary serene imagery and are comforting none the less. The couplet was thoughtful and the motif original (or at least not overly common).
-
I absolutely love it. Great imagery. The last stanza reminds me of my mom's drop bisquits and apple butter.
Edited on Sep 14, 10:45 p.m. because ''. -
Wow...so beautiful. Describes the pic greatly! I like the words that you used and how you sedcribed it. You dont even need to see the picture to see it in your head, the words alone do that
Great Job! -
I do so greatly admire your impeccable talent for writing sonnets father of my daughter!
What a lovely imaged to have as an inspiration as well. As soon as I read those closing lines of your's, I too felt engulfed in the warmth and comfort brought about with your wonderfully well chosen descriotive phrases. You are a master with this form and it always gives me the greatest of pleasures to read you. Good luck in the contest.
(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¤ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
~~~Touchof1der~~~
(, .•'(¸.•'´ ¤ `'•.¸)`'•.¸) -
WOW...I like this! A LOT! I love sonnets...and this was beautiful
-
this is extremely good..i realy like it..i definately give it 17 and a half thumbs up
-
Lot's of talent here, this was really good, beautiful and well written, I liked it alot!
-
You know I hate these but damn prowley - this is good!
-
A very admirable and fine sonnet. Congratulations and applause!
-
WOW... This is a very beautiful sonnet Grampa... You did a great job on this one!! Good luck in the contest!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
lol what cames to mind with the background...
Fruit Loops
Anyway i liked how you embraced the picture and gave it a story intead of it telling you the story. keep it up and good luck -
I agree with the others- you create a certain feeling of calmness and safety, like a shelter from life's hurricane...
Masterfully done! -
Hi my friend a lovely SS just a tiny question, if the air was crisp and clean would there be mist? ok poetic licience, lol, great write, all the best in the comp , hugs Di, you have my applause
-
Oh you did this so beautifully nicely done great job dad. You reflected this in such a comforting way whats that saying there is no place like home. Smiles and that is true.
Edited on Sep 23, 2:12 p.m. because ''.
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
17 old applause
