My mouth slowly withdrew from
His conversation
That dripped the foam
Of sex and domination.
His conversation
Made the distance between his mouth and my chin shorter
Domination
The game of silly boy Jessie Porter.
The distance between his mouth and my chin shorter
His hands cocooned in my blue jean thighs
The game of silly Jessie Porter,
Searching for valley, like all the other guys.
His hands cocooned in my blue jean thighs,
He's wishing for a bandit to steal the light,
While he's searching for valley like all the other guys
Getting what he's looking for? He just might
Wishing for a bandit to steal the light
"Fuck" dripped like honey over his swelling tongue,
Getting what he's looking for? He might
Licking the sides of his sly grin and singing a dirty song
"Fuck" still dripped like honey over his swelling tongue
And foam
The sides of his sly grin, singing a dirty song
My mouth slowly withdrew from.
Author notes
This is a revised version of my poem Taciturn from awhile ago, but I needed to learn the poetry form Pantoum for my Poetry Form and Theory class, and I thought I'd stab at this one, cause I couldn't think of a new one off the top of my head...yeah I cheated a little! LOL
Written September 13th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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what a very interesting form! i've never heard of it (gotta look it up) so i'm not sure what it entails, but the repetition was very effective. the imagery was very amazing. love the vague smartassedness here.
the rhyme is great, not forced at all, and very clever. the imagery is great. so clear and so easy to picture, almost to FEEL.
love this sense of playing a game, that you might be teasing, you might not be... it's all very fun. awesome job as usual!! -
Now that puts a new slant on face to face or cheek to cheek, chin to chin would be a bonus and not a lip to lip in site, and in a competition that would be a head to head to battle out who wins it, eye to eye, that's coming from me, Tony
Edited on Sep 27, 10:46 p.m. because ''. -
Good
Ha, I don't know anybody who sings when they're about to get it on, seems kinda creepy if you ask me(joke). Anyway, this poem is overflowing with dirty-sexy imagery, and I can completely relate to the guy...testosterone is incredibly manipulative, and who hasn't pulled that blue-jean thing before? I feel like I'm not offering a valid critique...poem wise, I believe this piece achieves its goals very well.
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