Once I saw the moon
Craters of rust and dust
Chewing on time
Just a lantern-
In the sky
Once I saw the waves
Crashing upon my earth
Confusions calling
Fainter spirit swirls
In sand castle ruins
Once in a forest
Leaves fell
Never to return
Life drying to the
Mourning dove's-
Calling
Once I saw the moon
Author notes
I chose this poem, as it was a personal accomplishment in my life. It allowed me to finally be me.
This poem was written after my divorce, it is about the things I forgot about during marriage. Since writing this piece, I have made a promise to myself to always be true to me (as who else can you really count on anyways) I had always done without to provide as much as possible to my children and wife. My art, poetry, and love for the blues had been put on the back burners. Especially since she was very jealous of my other loves. I was told constantly told that my poetry was just words. Hey, I'm a bluesman at heart and if I don't feel it..it ain't blues. This was deeply personal in nature and many may not see that, but I hope you understand.
Peace Muddy
Written September 13th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Quote Prompt by lowercase prelude.
800 points, ended March 15, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 75 of 75
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A marvelous take on the prompt
I loved the imagery in this and the depth behind your words -
Richard,
This is a perfect example of why you are on my favorites list! Your words so simple but no less deep and moving than any more complex write out there. The meaning behind this piece is truly moving! Never should one be prevented from being true to themself. I, for one, am pleased you came to realize this because I think if you hadn't we all here would have been denied the honor and pleasure of indulging within your talent. Thank you for being true to yourself and in turn allowing us all to get to know you as we have. Thank you for entering and good luck!
Blessings
Bel
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such an awesome write from you, as always. i like free verse as well as rhyme but if not, this would have certainly convinced me to love both. thank you for sharing this with me and i wish you well in this contest you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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Your meaning has spoken to me..
I could identify with your notes on this poem. I am married but my husband doesn't support my writing at all. In the past I've written only when he's working or out of town. So I know how you feel. Keep writing, as I will keep writing.
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Very good, mooving and I yes I think I do understand how personal this poem is. It is really something, Im very impressed! Thanks you so very much for your submission.
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Once I wrote a poem with the same meaning and even bitter it is still dear to me. Thank you for this reminder.
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this is very beautiful
it deserves to be read out loud to give each word justice
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This is absolutely wonderful, the words left in comments will never do it justice. Your talent is evident in every word and line, and your heart speaks throughout every poem you write!
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Sometimes I read your work and I am like okay nice job, and then sometimes I read your work and I am blown away, then other times I read it and I am just stunned, this is one of those times. You see it is my opinion that anyone can write a piece that makes you say "okay nice job" and a few can blow you away once in a while, but it is rare for someone to stun me.
I read this one again and again and again, The first time I read it, I stopped half way through and said, wait... there is more to this then meets the eye and I started again. But the second time I REALLY read it.
I read this four times before moving to your authors notes and I almost wished I had not read them, but even having read them the poem still holds true to it's masterpiece. You have me on my feet with this one dear, consider my three yellow fellas as a standing ovation!
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This is not only a profound self-realization, it is said in such a poignant poetic way that I was left feeling your inner passion after reading this piece and your author's notes. You bring your soul to the page in a deliberate determined design to show that your words are not just a 'want' but a 'need'. You are a writer, through and through. One of my favorite quotes is by W.Somerset Maugham - "We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to." I look forward to reading more from you. You are truly gifted! Exceptional work!
~Lori
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Well I guess I am blessed, My husband always ask me you write anything new, and lets me share as I want he never crashes A.P. and gives me writing space, Simply because I enjoy it, And he knows it was my save in Grace while he was in Iraq kept my mind busy, I never
said I was top notch and never will I simply write because I enjoy words.
My husband also has a first love it is called the U.S.A. and it takes him more often then not away sigh..
but to be jealous of that would be to dissapoint myself.
We should always encourage each other, for if we are happy then the world around us are happy..
I could really feel this write, and I am sure you have grown through your own dissapointments, I am glad to see you have risen above it and have given us here at
A.P. the blessing of your wonderful talent.
Thank you for making me re-count my own..
Love and LIght
Frozentearz -
I’ve found both the poem and your author’s comments so immensely moving, Muddy and it stirred something deep inside of me. The personal character and authenticity of voice in this poem is so profound and tangible. I do prefer poetry that is pulled from deep within and written in a narrative style. And yes, I do understand the motivation behind this poem so well – there was a time in my life when I also had to hear “I don’t want to read your shit” and for more than 15 years I did not write a single poem.... The way the first and last lines hug the poem add to its impact, both poetically and emotionally and emphasizes the emotions embedded within. Even though sad and dark, this poem does indeed shed light because the fire of the soul can be dimmed, but never extinguished. Thank you so much for sharing this fire of your soul.
~ Nicolette
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Beautiful written!Sensitive...
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That's all I was looking for
Hell, I'D even be hard-pressed to say, technically at least, why I write the way I write... I just wanted to hear that. lol.
And yeah yeah... I'll do my best to enter, I promise
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not sure if technical came into play, this was an event that changed my life for the better. It may seem polished, but it was actually a spontaneous write. As far as spacing and such, I think poets go through stages of form and this is just an example of trying to say more with less.
Oh while I got ya here, I extended the Naked Poetry Finals...won't be right without ya
peace and hugs
Muddy -
Glad to see you here Muddy, and to have a glimpse into your life through the poem and the author notest (which, I must say, displayed themselves well throughout the poem). The emotional integrity, as always in your work, was right on the ball. Like with many other entries, I'm curious as to the technical reasons for the piece. Why free verse, why the spacing... blah blah blah. you get my drift, I'm sure Otherwise, it was a joy to read.
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Wow,, i write a poem like this called " Forever moving" but i think your is better , i love this type of poetry,, what i got out of this was how life keeps going and working with each other,,
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Totally excellent. When I first read this I set it aside as the one to beat. On a scale of 1-5 (and I rarely give out 5's) you got 4,4,4,3,4,4.
A real pleasure to read.
thanks for entering.
John -
This is elegant simplicity. There are inneumerable lines between the finly crafted lines. I would not be suprised to see this show up as a link elsewhere in this contest. Best of luck and thanks for a great read.[all five times]
Peace, Rob -
wow, this is a very popular poem.lol I can understand why though, its such an amazing read. The imagery was great and the last line was really amazing. Thanks for entering my contest I really appreciate it!
-Faithful Dreamer -
An excellent work! Wonderful from beginning to end. Sush lovely words gathered in a remarkable way.
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Thank you for sharing this deeply personal write.
TW -
I know I've already commented on this one, my Friend...Just wanted to tell ya I love it again, & good luck in the contest, Muddy...
♥ Wanderer
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love it.
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its like that song you saw the whole of the moon...what an adventurous life you lead...dont you ever go to the shops
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just a lantern in the sky.. that reminds me of A Midsummer Night's Dream. I like this a lot, but it seems somewhat unfinished.. on purpose? If so, not a bad thing.. it leaves you hanging, so you have to find your own resolution. Interesting concept.
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Liked it.
Me too. -
again simple but so much meaning in it thewords flow so well they rolled of my tounge well done, hey will you check out my contest sisterly... it's with my poems please enter thanku so much lol abigailxx
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beautiful
oh my goodness that poem was so beautiful!! you honestly have a serious talent for poetry!! it was just amazing. you are one of the only poets that has left me speechless! truly wonderful! great job! -
nice write
enjoyed it very much
keep on writing -
EXQUISITE, EXCELLENTLY WRITTEN!!!!!
This is certainly a beautiful piece that although sad, it is not macabre in any way... My favorite part was the part in which you mention the "mourning dove's calling", they were preparing for the departure... A great job done here, excellent work... AngelicMistress
Edited on Sep 15, 11:34 because 'sorry, I had misspelled words, OoPpSs!!!'. -
Beautiful!!!
I knew I was here before, but I got lured back by the title and author. Always majestic with words. Excellent still as I read it again. Thank you for sharing it again. Joyce
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awwww this is so sad! but you put some great emotion into it and used great imagery. i like how you used the moon, a symbol everyone knows and loves. Great write, keep it up
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Wonderful imagery - good use of simple descriptions ... this is a good piece - thought provoking. It is very effective to conclude with a repest of the first line - this brings us to the full-circle.
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Nice one
I like the repetition of your first line to become your end line. Although this is quite a common device, it works particularly well here with your theme of nature. However, it's only dead trees that nIt's quite ambiguous. Maybe that was your intention. Some really good vivid imagery. Nice one! -
DEEP!
Moving peice, it makes you think, and that means the you have character, amazing. The words seemed haunted by your thoughts, it was deep. The words seeed to shake with emotion, like they were sobbing, it was amazing!
Edited on Sep 15, 10:25 because ''. -
Nodding...I really like this.
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Something makes me think that I had already read this (a dim memory that I enjoyed the write , yet I was not able to relate it to the comment)however that is what poetry is for eh? we can interprete it our own way. Best wishes in the contest,
Reenie
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I thought that I'd read this before, but I don't see where I commented. The last verse and the reference to the call of the mourning dove is almost haunting.
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And here I thought it was about the changing of the seasons in the presence of a lunar eqlipse. Amazing imagery.
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EXCELLENT!
I can picture it in my head..... you had a very good description. -
I felt transported into a moonlit forest, for a flicker of time. This poem is a beaut. -
I agree that this poem diserves an applause. I too thought that it sounded rather sad, but not in a macabre or despairing way, but it has sort of a melancholy tone. You seem to like the moon...are you a Cancerian? Good Job!
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i liked it .i have to agree with everyone else that the imagery was vivid,i liked the way you put the moons gravity and the effects it has in the second stanza,and the moon chewing on time was clever,the whole poem is great and i shouldn't be chopping it up like this into favorite parts,but the repition of how you saw the moon was a fine end to a great poem.
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This was a beautiful poem and the imagery was wonderful, Great Write
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i liked how you pulled this all togeather with your authors comment at the end. that put the cherry on top of the sundae for me. very beautiful write- great job n thanx for sharing - good luck in the contst
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I thought this was very lyrical and sad and charming. I think you have a superfluous hyphen lurking at the end of line 4.
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well done!
Beautiful write! I knew this poem was about some kind of loss, but I would never have guessed divorce if you had not mentioned it in your author's comments. The flow of this poem was very rhythmic and smooth, unforced in every way. A wonderful metaphor to bring beauty to such a drab and harsh reality. Well done, and best of luck in the contest! -
once i saw the moon
craters of rust and dust
chewing on time
just a lantern
in the sky.
i love the images that this piece evokes.
i have to agree that i never would have thought that divorce was the idea of this poem.
personally i don't agree with divorce, when i get married i want to do it one and only once. although, getting a divorce is much better than cheating on someone..that is just my oppinion.
great poem, i loved it. -
♥ wonderful write.;
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yay!
wow... simple yet breathtakingly effective. Keep up the good work!
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Love this poem. Short but enough to keep me thinking on your beautiful words for quite some time. This is the kind of thing I would frame on my wall and just read it when I walk by. Sweet work.
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This can be read and understood differently, that is great since it has a wider appeal, without your comments I'd have missed your intention, but that wouldn't have been important since I took it in my own direction. It is a rich and beautifully written piece.
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the comment about divorce threw me off. it threw the whole poem out of perspective. now instead of marveling at the amazing imagery, im sitting here trying to figure out how im the hell you connect that to divorce. oh well. its late. im not thinking clearly. anyway, beautiful write, keep it up!!!
~~Kariime~ -
You know, I never would have thought of divorce as the meaning intended in the poem ... but now I see it clearly. Wonderful poem whether you get the intended meaning or not
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Truly at times divorce is the only therapy
love how you put all this together in this
great write, warm thoughts I truly enjoy
your gift for write
Tears
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Excellent
The imagery in this poem is amazing, and I like how it meanders along. Two thumbs up for MuddyKing. -
heartbreaking really.and beautiful.and sad.and amazing.i loved the images of the moon,the waves,the falling leaves and how you used them in your story.once i saw a moon...love that.
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This is an awesome, breathtaking poem. I love the imagery, the last few lines - leaves falling, life drying...the mourning dove. Beautiful. All the more when I read your comment.
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great work
Cool poem ... loved the imagery ... keep on writing ... -
amazing
Oh a very beautiful poem. I loved it. I love poems dealing with nature and astronomy, especially things like the moon. I loved it! Very awesome and keep up the excellent work!!! :-) -
nice poem but I feel left out,I got a divorce but never have I seen the moon the way you have,so I guess I better take another look,nice poem keep em coming .
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I enjoyed this poem very very much. It is a tad short, and at the same time a perfect length. It looks short, but it seems like a million words the way you wrote it. I love poems like this, and I hope to see more of your poems ( I am sure what I see I will like!)
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The title brings different images to mind, but I enjoyed reading your version. Once I saw...very emphatic and one can imagine anything.
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This is so beautiful, I wasnt expecting this kinda poem by the title, but well done keep up the great writes!
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Bravo! This paints vivid pics in my head as I read it over and over again. It is a great piece, even though it seems like it came from a bad experience. My favorite lines were,
"Once I saw the moon
Craters of rust and dust
Chewing on time
Just a lantern-
In the sky
Once I saw the waves
Crashing upon my earth
Confusions calling
Fainter spirit swirls
In sand castle ruins"
I love this poem, you have done an excellent job with it. Bravo yet again! Keep it up! Tragical-Overdose
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Excellent work, filled with emotion!!!
I also agree with Dee in thinking I was going to read a poem about the military. Wow!!! That didn't happen, you just treated me to a very heartfelt poem filled with so much emotion it brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry if this is what happened. So many people find it easy to just divorce these days and it saddens me. I do consider myself blessed in the fact that I found my soulmate and I would never begrudge anyone that does end up in divorce. It just wasn't right in some cases. As long as the decision to marry or divorce was not hasty we all have to do what we must. I wish you all the best and thank you so much for sharing this wonderful work of art you just displayed. Blessings to you fellow poet.
Joyce -
This one has that warm fuzzy aetheral magic to it. I loved the fantastic imagery! I particularly enjoyed the last few lines of the forest stanza. Fabulous!
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Very lovely poem...it has so much meaning...so much imagery...I'm just speechless. I really enjoyed this work of art...Eric
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I don't find this "choppy" at all. It flows well and read so well out loud. The resolution with the repetition of the first line at the end gives it an a serene feeling and also a closure of sorts. I found the second stanza especially appealing.
Simple, with an underlying hmm I want to say softness but not sure that's the right word. Reflective perhaps.
In any case, I like it.
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'...Once in a forest
Leaves fell
Never to return
Life drying to the
Mourning dove's-
Calling
Once I saw the moon'
Sighhh... Muddy, I like this one immensely, my Friend...I agree with Di; I, too, see a distinct change in your work of late...I love all of your work...but this one (& 'The Lion's Den') is pure, simplified, & serene...it's beautiful, Scribe...I am proud of you & pleased for you...these words are harmonious to the nth degree...I am so happy you saw the moon, Muddy...may it always shine down upon your glorious countenance... ♥ Wanderer
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I have to agree with SimpleSarcasm above me, when I read it I thought it was going to be military (Frag-Out). But instead im treated to this wonderful poem, love the descriptions you put into this. Well done and keep it up.
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My oh my! When I saw that title, I immediately thought military! This is a wonderful piece. I am truly impressed.
Way to go Mud Man!
~Dee -
In my humble opinion this should win the contest! I love the kind of poetry when the "moon" is involved!
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Hi my friend, you are quite astounding in how you have changed your way of writing, a metamorphasis into the butterfly, great a real pleasure to read, yes I agree with you on the subject matter, and don't know about you but I took a vow, never again,lol, great write my friend, hugs Di
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