Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

loss

Missing image
sunshine
warming cold space
oak chair unoccupied
your spirit answers as i mourn
mother

Author notes


Written September 11th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • malkinpuss silver member
    December 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    MeNtAlLyiLL, thank you for your kind words, I sympathize with you for your loss as well.


  • bezs hummingbird
    December 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad. it made me want to cry. i no the feeling of loss and you captured it with this poem.


  • malkinpuss silver member
    October 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Axelle Black, you are amazingly perceptive...yes bittersweet would describe this...and death ...yes a bittersweet departure describes the under currents that move when mourning the loss of a bittersweet relationship. Thanks Axelle.


  • Axelle Black
    September 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, different. A cinquain. Out of all the forms of poetry I think cinquains are my favourite. This was nicely done. The feeling of... loss... is really there. Cools down your words, although "sunshine" at first seems almost ironic. But it's effective. And those two last verses, I totally crave. "mother" in the end resounded very nicely in my mind, leaving a lasting impact. And well I think maybe, the fact that this is in the personal category added to the impact. I'm not too sure what exactly this speaks of. Death? A departure? A bitter relationship? I don't really know. But I know your words grabbed me in, shortly but powerfully

  • malkinpuss silver member
    September 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    surfergirl, thanks so much for your kind words.


  • Trellis
    September 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    A powerful piece in just a few words! This must have been a difficult contest to judge. Everyone saw something different in that picture. Yours was awesome. Having lost my mom 10 years ago, this piece touched me very much. Great job!


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    September 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Talk about "just in time" I had my finger on the "judge entries" button when you entered this one. This sad little chair is so lonely and brings out so many thoughts and memories. I'm so glad you were able to get this in before I finished judging so I could have the pleasure of reading it. Well done and thank you for entering my contest.

    ~Lyrical

1 - 7 of 7