She was alone, standing in the middle of a darkened forest field staring up at a storm through a light rain, through the tips of a pine forest, feeling more at peace than she had in a very, very long time. Somewhere off in the distance lightning struck, thunder boomed, the wind escalated lifting silver locks into a quickly graying sky, and she closed her eyes for only a moment.
"Oh Rose..." he sighed reaching forward to lift her face, gently bringing two fingers to her chain, raising her view to his dark and sympathetic eyes, his long light hair lightly falling around her, somehow not effected by the wind or rain.
She wondered in a moments shock where had he come from, who was he? She didn't have much time before the world around her lurched forward and he spoke once again.
"Don't be afraid, not of me my dear. I am of course what you've been looking for... dreaming of all of these past nights."
Before her possible protest could begin he moved his head only slightly and embraced her in a kiss, she had a chance to pull away and she didn't.
Pulled into his strong arms, into his warm body, removing her from cold uncertain surroundings he whispered, "Is this what you want?" looking deep into beautiful red eyes and waiting, breathing...
"Yes," and it's hardly like he had to ask...
Engulfed in dark arms once more, bodies & tongues entwined, she reaches up around and grabs at this shoulders, trailing sharp gold talons down his back. Warm hands reach gently below her wings finding her soft behind to lift on his hardness and passion fades too quickly into nothing as she awakens once more to a life that's been too long...
Author notes
I am attempting to both romance & seduce Rose. 09/12/05 - I did some editing to appease Rose 
and create a more seductive meeting. I'm afraid to mention the phrase, "I'll love you forever if you promise not to kill me." 
Please leave me critical comments or any comments at all. I'd really appreciate it and I will return the favor.
Thanks to encouragement on the contest from Rose Dark Thorn I am entering. I hope someone enjoys reading this because it's been a long time since I've written on the fly. I read through a lot of your bio and poetry to try and get this right. You have a very & interesting character, probably a lot of fun to play.
Written September 10th, 2005
A contest entry
- Romance Or Seduce My Persona [Contest] by Rose Dark Thorn.
500 points, ended April 15, 2006, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
This is the sort of story that begins slowly then builds to would hopefully be an erotic crescendo only to be cut short by that nagging reality. I liked the pace and fluid motions of the words. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
Yes, I read before.
-
I thought I had edited and added to this. I just refreshed and it appeared for me. 8) I added more details and a new ending.
-
Do you mean another entry or adding more to this?
-
It's ok. Maybe I'll get around to doing something more even.
-
I really felt that. It hit me harder than the first time. It's just too bad it was all a dream...A dream that I would wake from and find myself in longing.
You are definitely a wonderful writer, able to catching the reader within the emotions and since it was about me, personally, I could really feel it. The additions were quite lovely.
I'm afraid you'll have to wait a while to know the winners though. It'll be open until more entries are found.
-
I would like to say, I feel to as though I have fair competion,
this was a very awesome write and you really should continue this I was not ready for it to end at all, it was very capturing for the mind, and had amazing imagery, very awesome work I love it and will have to remember your name so I can check out more of your stuff.
-
I did do some editing to appease Rose further. I hope you enjoy. I tried to add a lot more detail to her surroundings and the effects on her situation as well.
-
A beautiful strong poem.
An nice poem with a lot of passion!
thank you for sharing it with me..... -
I love this passionate piece. the ending was very well done. The font is hard to read a bit dark for me but i manged to highlight and keep it lit.
-
first of all... i loved these words "she awakened in confusion to a life that's been too long." to me these words explain the entire story and to have them come at the end works so much better than starting out with those words
the basic idea of your story is very good
what i didn't care for was the first line. i felt it used "she" too many times... taking away from the flow. here is an example of how i would write re-write that line... please remember it's only my personal opinion and not criticism
"She was alone, standing in the middle of a darkened field staring up at a storm through a light rain and she felt more at peace than she had in a very, very long time."
"She stood alone in the middle of a darkened field staring up at a storm through light rain feeling more at peace than had been felt in a very, very long time"
that is just a rough example
besides the first line i think this is pretty good
best of luck
-
One thing is definately for sure with this write: you manage perfectly to let the reader feel what you have written here... it seems so sweet and cute, but in the end, when she wakes up and realizes it's merely a dream it is so sad again
Anywho, I think you did quite a fantastic job here
Leander -
I'd like it to be a little longer- it doesn't really pull me very far into the story. I feel like there should be more, but then it just ends. More descriptions are needed, maybe?
I just didn't click for me, I suppose.
.:Marie:. -
...I'm not sure what to say...You certainly had me feeling this. Now, you say that you are the one I have been searching for and your caress seems tender and true...but can you prove to me that what you say is true? Gods know you've definitely taken me off guard with this and your bold moves leave me in a childish, naive wonder. You've hit my breaking point...now can you shatter it? Would you accept me for all I am and embrace me, knowing and understand what the consequences may be? That is what I am truly wondering. Your touch has set me afire...Now, can the flame be strengthened?
[Rose...so insecure, isn't she? Well, I definitely liked it. Thank you for entering the contest and writing. If you weren't finished, tell me so and I will come back. OH, oh, oh...Yes, she is very fun to play, which is why I'm having her answer the writes instead of doing it myself.]
Edited on Sep 10, 2:18 p.m. because 'Forgot to answer your author's note!'.
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
2 old applause
