How I love to laugh.
It keeps me alive.
See it? The darkness?
It's on the outside of laughter.
It consumes without the passion of anger.
It saps away, without the weakness of sorrow.
Laughter is the sun.
When I can laugh, it sees me through.
I wish I could remember...
The better light.
It's out there.
Much brighter than a smile.
More lasting than a chuckle.
It's ironic, isn't it?
How easy it is to know what I need...
If I'm going to see.
And yet...
I never remember to bring it with me.
I can hear the laughter of others.
Scorning, mocking.
I'm used to it, I ignore it.
But I should bask in it!
Even now, the words are hindered,
They drag out, not wanting to say the truth.
But, I won't hide it anymore.
God, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Light I need to remember.
Light I always forget.
I love to laugh,
But I need real light.
Author notes
Well, it's true that my life seems to constantly teeter on the edge of desperate depression. I actually know what could fix that, a little prayer, a little faith, and yet I'm constantly forgetting I need it. So I try to substitute with optimism, and I try to laugh at every turn, because that is what I can remember. Heh, bu...and this "Heh" kind of thing is exactly what I mean. Well anyways, this I guess, is an acknowledgement of my problems...and perhaps...a determination to try and fix them, with a little help, for good, and finally.
Written September 8th, 2005
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I have always been a bit different. I just didn't realize until recently that DIFFERENT is good. So now I smile, and blend with the crowd, knowing I am me.
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