… for Jenna …
Alone we face the stripping winds of fate,
groping through disorder weak and blinded;
united we can brave the floods of chance;
amid the surging fear we’ll learn and find our way,
bound together with resolve and braced against the storm;
this path is ours to walk, for better or for worse.
Union blesses us with lucid insights
that else evade our grasp and leave us lost,
groping through disorder weak and blinded
on dim uncertain plains where massive forces play,
striking terror in the soul, yet merged in mutual trust
amid the surging fear, we’ll learn and find our way.
The world may shatter round us into ruin,
but joined as one we foster new potentials
that else evade our grasp and leave us lost;
a broken road before us wanders who knows where,
shrouded deep in mystery like alders steeped in mist;
this path is ours to walk, for better or for worse.
The future looms a cloud of ghastly prospects
as nimbus doubts swoop down to numb our dreams,
but joined as one we foster new potentials
that beam defiant hope throughout the crushing gray,
germs of possibility that sprout within the stream
amid the surging fear; we’ll learn and find our way.
Existence seems a whirl of deadly signs,
cyclones whipped to fury by delusion
as nimbus doubts swoop down to numb our dreams,
besieging peace of mind with long chaotic bursts,
and though we slog through rising water bent in grave distress,
this path is ours to walk, for better or for worse.
Stricken with the blight of self-importance,
alone we face the stripping winds of fate,
cyclones whipped to fury by delusion;
united we can brave the floods of chance,
buttressed against the gales that sweep with savage woes,
certain our affinity will hold and keep us fast
amid the surging fear; we’ll learn and find our way;
this path is ours to walk, for better or for worse.
Author notes
to learn more about the hybridanelle: allpoetry.com/Column/1086828/all=1
Written September 7th, 2005
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I have never been fond of the idea of marriage just because it never seems to work out but the way you have expressed it in this one makes even me consider the possibility of "togetherness" somewhere down the road... far far down the road...lol! Anyway Great write!
KAY -
I must say, this is the best I've read in quite some time.
Im glad I stumble upon this randomly, as it affected me greatly.
At first, judgin by the title, I assumed it would be themed with marriage and such but as I read, the only images that came to my mind was the devastation of where I call home, Mandeville just outside of New Orleans. I have read so many writings about Katrina that didn't convey what we all felt down here. We felt so much, so fast and it was all heartbreaking. This, even if you weren't thinking about Katrina and her victims at the time, your words speak of one's emotions and state of mind in the aftermath. Such an emotional, tragic event should be expressed profoundly and thats exactly what I found in this. It left an impression on a heart turned cold and I admit brought tears to my eyes. this was exceptional. -
Erin Thomas has the true heart of a poet. Ed brown
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This is a beautiful poem dedicated to the newly wed couples who are bound to meet challenges in life,no matter how they try to avoid it.Marriage in the actual sense of the word is what you make of it.I love the climatic allussion used by the poet in this poem.Thank you for sharing with me on this site.
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Incredibly descriptive!
First and foremost this is a lovely gift - for Jenna. This is such a special declaration of love and joining together in partnership strengthened to face uncertainty before you. I love the terms you've used with the likening to storms and other weather to bear out. Its a powerful partnership that develops by supporting each other to withstand what comes. Awesome writing.
As for whether its good hybridanelle, I'm not qualified to say, but I enjoyed reading it.
Edited on Sep 16, 6:04 p.m. because ''. -
amazing
Very beautifully written and descriptive. It also proves a very good point. I enjoyed it very much. Keep up the excellent work!!! :-) -
wonderful!
a seriously beautiful piece. absolutely wonderful imagery! a joy to read! thanks for sharing! -
Brilliant words!
'Existence seems a whirl of deadly signs,
cyclones whipped to fury by delusion
as nimbus doubts swoop down to numb our dreams,'
These words are so brilliantly written. Your poem describes to me, what a real union entails. Jane
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i too am unfamiliar with this form and am not ambitious enough to find out about it. It reads well, however I have my doubts as to the institution of marriage and the idea of forever which seems to me in direct contrast to the nature of man. We are dynamic creatures so to commit to something so permanent seems problematic to me.
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Think it might take a bit of work to create such a poetic form. You are very cretive in what you have written here. Thanks for sharing this piece with us.
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was this a poem written for a wedding or an anniversary? it very much felt that way. I'm not familiar with this poetic form myself, but the writing itself was very good. enjoyed the read.
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I am not familiar with this form of poetry, so I would never try to comment on it. I do like the way it looked. The curving of the words on my screen: I could imagine that in a book or printed on a card or framed for the intended.
The first thing I noticed was the beauty of the background. The circle-like images...and what circles represent in most marriages, are very evident. They are continuous, and I like that symbolism as a background.
I can also speak of marriage since I have been married over 22 years. Most of the time, we say the words, for better or for worse, but we haven't a clue what the worst can be. Unless we talk about it ahead of time (and believe me, you better), the worst is not what you think it will be. It is not fighting over money or who cleans the toilets.
Good luck to both of you and may you live a long wonderful life together....married.
Cheryl
Cheers!
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Hi, I really like this form and must try to do one is there a site with the rules? this is a lovely write and was a pleasure to read , as are all your poems, all the best a great write fron a very talented poet, hugs Di
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this is a very good poem. She must be happy, and congrats =]
For someone who doesn't know much, you seem to write very well. but it will grow, and you'll slowly, learn...or learn fast, but it will be worth it poetry is very beautiful =] you seem to know that atleast. -
jf: i don't actually know anything about poetry. :| but i'm very glad to hear you've enjoyed this piece and some of the reasons why.
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manoguru: telling me this poem is "quite a let down just after reading john donne (an alright poet)" doesn't actually tell me anything.
consider reading this over: allpoetry.com/special/critique -
Yes, love can move mountains if you work together. The alternating repitition was great in this.
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"Savage woes", I prefer this one
Thanks Erin
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i'd rather shoot myself than get married, lol.... but seriously, i think this poem is quite a let down just after reading john donne
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Beautiful and Meaningful
I'm 30 and just had my tenth wedding anniversary. Everything you say still stands and will always stand, til death us do part. The best part of being in a relationship is the uncertainty of what the future holds and facing those uncertainties together. Your wife is a very lucky girl to have you write such beautiful and meaningful poetry for her and inspired by her. I'm sorry I cannot be technical about your work, I am very much a novice and would hate to insult your intelligence or your talent by even trying. However, I know what I like and I like your work, I just wish I had the courage to learn more. I wish you a very long and happy life together with your new wife but with poetry playing such a big part of your life, how can you possible be unhappy. By the way, your theory works, your laptop logging on every 9 minutes, I kept seeing your name and my curiosity got the better of me! -
This is a promising piece, since it may have personal significance so won't like to dissect it much! This falls more into confessional and neoromantic territories. Most of lines are inviting, some look little heavy handed...e.g., S2 L1: "lucid insights" devalues it a bit! It starts as personal and takes the shape of a collective voice, but the as you bring "The world may shatter round us into ruin,
but joined as one we foster new potentials
that else evade our grasp and leave us lost;"
You lose me for too much of shock therapy employed. Shock therapy is not new to poetry, even likes of Milton and Shakespeare have used it, but more judiciously.
As a novice reader I would interject it is dramatic, and may even clap...but when I review it more religiously I will have to stumble coz thematically it is an unrelated POV from the setting created till then...I expected you to tie it up by the end of fourth stanza, but it didn't happen! Last three lines are a redemption, but somehow it looks loose!After third stanza those airy castles become little too airy...Narrator rises as a HUMAN voice from a mere personal being in first two stanzas! (Idea is inviting, and dramatic...but needs a little more care).
D -
oop, that was supposed to be "savage woes". my bad.
your thoughts here are very appreciated.
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A beautiful metaphor of a life shared together seen as a shelter from a trubulent storm - Standing together amidst the rest of the world
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Wonderful
Hi Erin, I found the changes you made reduced a certain redundancy I hadn't noticed till it was gone. Reinforcing an image I may not have noticed so much at first.
It doesn't change the overall feel of the poem, it's a wonderful wedding gift.
From what I can tell, you changed:
"united we can brave the floods of chance;
we’ll stand against the gales that sweep with wild woes,"
to
"united we can brave the floods of chance,
buttressed against the gales that sweep with rabid woes"
Without losing either the meaning, or the imagery. You still seem like warrior spirits poised an the swollen banks of the river of life.
However, the change from words wild to rabid at the end changes something for me. While the word wild is powerful and natural, life. To me, rabid represents sickness, death.
If your intent is to paint a fearful and dangerous environment that the two of you have combined efforts to fight off,then rabid works, depressingly well.
I'd prefer to imagine the forces you two are engaged in controling for the good of all (superhero warrior stuff ), are natural forces, begnign by intent, not malicious as the word rabid evokes.
Which image do you and Jenna prefer?
~Slender Spider -
You can't imagine how happy I am for you both!
Some time ago you made a decision, to follow your heart despite the fear. What a great step it was, and what a wonderful gift life is giving to you and Jenna!
You two complete each other, fill each other with happiness and despite all the troubles you never gave up.
'this path is ours to walk, for better or for worse'...and I wish that the worse never comes
All the best to you both now and always
Mari -
lucky jen!
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ss: i actually wasn't quite happy with the second of those two lines you liked. i've changed it and another, and am wondering if you'll find you like the revision more or less than the original. :-/
Edited on Sep 09, 8:07 because ''. -
Is this the same poetry site I was on last night!!
They didn't have this calibre of poetry when last
I tuned in!
This poem has depth, and contour!And me without a wedding gift!
Wait! This will have to do!
Jenna Kissed me
Jenna kissed me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in.
Time, you thief! who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in.
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad;
Say that health and wealth have missed me;
Say I'm growing old but add-
Jenna kissed me!
By Leigh Hunt
Best of luck to you both!
Mazel Tov!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John -
Whoo hoo!
"
united we can brave the floods of chance;
we’ll stand against the gales that sweep with wild woes,"
Beautiful! What a magical journey.
Leaves me with strong and hopeful imagery, I can see the two of you in my minds eye, back to back, 'wands' raised holding back the storm. A bit Fantasia like.
Congratulations you two, this is wonderful news! -
What a beautiful gift for your wife. You should print it out and frame it, and refer back to it at the times when you need a little reminder of what Love and Marriage is all about. Alot of people go into marriage pretty blindly, always wishing for the better and never seeing a possibility of the worse, when you can reconize that both do exsit in this world and in a marriage and you face those good and bad time together your life will be blessed with a long and happy marriage. As for the poem itself Ive read your columns numerous times and have even tried to write a few myself, but they landed in the trash, apparently I dont have the patience lol
However you are a great teacher and a wonderful poet and I wish you and your wife many, many years of happiness
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Congratulations to you both,
Well, at least you are not beginning your journey with any dillusions of where you are heading...only copius amounts of resolve to get there together as a team and to my way of thinking that is one of the most important elements of a strong bond. You are obviously great friends with each other, and that fact follows close on the heels of the dedication factor for insuring longevity and peacefulness.
I will come again to make some remarks on the technical aspects. I like how you have tightened the basic structure with this write. It appears to make the refrains less visible, if that makes sense to you...I bet it does.
Cheers and best wishes,
Del -
crystaldust 08-09-05 13:15
Erin, what can I say to this wonderful testimony to matrimony and all its vicissitudes and steadfastness except: thank you for clothing it in a hybridanelle of perfection? Obeisance. Joy
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